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Help! Imagined fights


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I'm concerned because I've noticed that when I'm thinking about my boyfriend, either remembering past conversations or imagining different scenarios, I start to imagine fights that we could have. I hear our voices yelling and can feel that pain of betrayal and frustration when I'm imagining these fights, but they never even happen! When it's not a fight that I just made up, I'm dwelling on past fights or conflicts, remembering and magnifying any little thing he did to make me feel hurt. Why do I think of these thing? What causes this? What does it say about our relationship, or about my mental stability? Am I ok, and is this a sign of something really bad? Please help!

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Hi Daisy,


I can say I have never really heard of or experienced this. But no, this in and of itself doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. A few questions though:


How long have you been with your BF?

Have you always imagined these fights, or is this a recent thing?

Do you guys fight or argue a lot when you are together?

Have you had this experience with any of your past BFs, or just with this one?


Not having the answer to any of these questions, I would say that it could be several things:


You could be dissatisfied in the relationship, and in denial of this fact. Thus, creating scenarios in your head which could eventually lead to you guys breaking up, and thus you would not have to feel responsible and/or have to do the breaking up yourself. Is there anyone else in your life that you are potentially interested in? Do you have thoughts of just "going out and having fun"? Or meeting someone new?


You could enjoy conflict in a relationship on a subconscious level and, if this BF is not giving that to you, you could be craving it and trying to create it in your head to get that satisfaction. This attraction to conflict could come from something in your childhood. Did you fight a lot with a sibling or with your parents as a child? Or did your parents fight a lot when you were little? For me, I became aware of the fact that I would actually start arguments in my relationships frequently, because I loved the feeling I got when we made up at the end of the argument. Then, after digging a little deeper, I remembered that, during a specific period of my childhood, my parents would argue almost every night. I would be terrified that it was going to end in a divorce, which I dreaded, and I would beg them to make up and apologize to each other. Then, when they finally did, I would feel soooo safe and secure. It felt so good when they would make up, that i actually became addicted to that feeling. Crazy, but true.


Give us some more info, perhaps answering the questions above and maybe we can be of more help

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My ex-husband used to do this. Be sure that you don't start believing these imaginary fights. Be sure not to project your partner's "imaginary" answers on him. My ex still blames me for stuff I never said, and never would have said in a million years. He really feels the pain of those words, though.

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