ElizabethB Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Just wondering... Why is it so easy to fall for difficult person when we feel lonely, vulnerable? Why do I love someone who does not deserve my love, instead of a man, who loves me? Honestly, I don't get it anymore. I have thousands question but no answers. I feel like a little puppy running after him. Each time he kicks me back, I am trying to get closer and closer. I am not happy and I know what I feel towards him is wrong. I should love my husband but I can't. Something is not there anymore and it was not there long time before I met "him". I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to be hurt. What to do? Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Because it feels so good..... Link to comment
thejigsup Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Here's what I did and it ended my dating "bad" men (and I have dated my share, believe me). I wrote all of the qualities I wanted in a man down on a piece of paper. I then matched each man I met to my list. If he didn't meet most of my requirements, I wouldn't even go for coffee with him. You have to be very strict with yourself about this. If he doesn't have the qualities you want, let him go, no matter how cute or charming he is. I met three wonderful men this way. My last bf was not my ideal in looks, but he had everything else on the list. We were together for 11 happy years before he died earlier this year. When I go back to dating, I'm using my list again. Guarentees a quality man every time! Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Here's what I did and it ended my dating "bad" men (and I have dated my share, believe me). I wrote all of the qualities I wanted in a man down on a piece of paper. I then matched each man I met to my list. If he didn't meet most of my requirements, I wouldn't even go for coffee with him. You have to be very strict with yourself about this. If he doesn't have the qualities you want, let him go, no matter how cute or charming he is. I met three wonderful men this way. My last bf was not my ideal in looks, but he had everything else on the list. We were together for 11 happy years before he died earlier this year. When I go back to dating, I'm using my list again. Guarentees a quality man every time! So sorry about your boyfriend. Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Why do women date losers? Otherwise known as ''bad boys''. Why? Because it makes them feel safe. Then after they are emotional destroyed and tossed to the kerb, they pick themselves up and what is left of their pride and dignity and go find a REAL man. Pretty much every girl does this. Ive seen the same thing that many times dont ever bother keeping count - a girl dates one of these guys, gets abused, used and discarded. Guess what, after they fix themselves back up, they go find the exact same thing. Wait until 30, then girls will wake up and finally learn from their mistakes. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Just wondering... Why is it so easy to fall for difficult person when we feel lonely, vulnerable? ^^ I think you answered your own question. I think many people who feel lonely/vulnerable will take anything/anyone out there just so they won't be alone anymore. There are many people who feel they HAVE TO have someone to complete them. One has to be complete in themselves and no-one needs anyone to make them complete (imo). Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Why do women date losers? Otherwise known as ''bad boys''. Why? Because it makes them feel safe. Then after they are emotional destroyed and tossed to the kerb, they pick themselves up and what is left of their pride and dignity and go find a REAL man. Pretty much every girl does this. Ive seen the same thing that many times dont ever bother keeping count - a girl dates one of these guys, gets abused, used and discarded. Guess what, after they fix themselves back up, they go find the exact same thing. Wait until 30, then girls will wake up and finally learn from their mistakes. I remember a conversation I had with a female co-worker some years ago. She was well into her thirties and in that "rush". The rush being that she was so desperate and eager to find somebody to get married to before forty. And like each passing day was like a birth year to her. We were pretty tight like that so one day at lunch I asked her why was she rushing to get married. She told me she had fooled around a lot in her twenties because she always thought she had time; that a simple stroke of the magic wand would make a guy suddenly appear and that she would do this when she felt she was "ready". But that the whole feeling of a woman being young, attractive and knowing that she has the potential to have almost any man she wants is like a evil magic. Like drug that you're addicted to and then when you turn 30 something and try to get off of it, you start having withdrawls and acting like a crazy person. She went on to say that she blew away some good opportunities with guys when she was younger because again she thought the wand would fix everything. Then she went on to say how much she regretted being so stupid back then, fooling around with the jocks, the players, the thugs and all other bad brands and how she had such good choices to choose from. Now all those nice guys are married or no longer interested in her and there's so little to choose from nowadays. Link to comment
jakel Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 hmm... perhaps our fathers and mothers might have something to do with it? Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Pretty much summed it up there Coin. For the guys, you dont look for the girl who will unlock her panties in 5 mins. You look for one who will unlock her heart for you. (for those who dont understand, the first girl in my example is the one still wanting to get herself hurt by the bad boys) Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 i have been wondering this since my brak up Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Check out link removed. It will answer why you continue to choose unavailable men. Link to comment
gingerlemon Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 hmm... perhaps our fathers and mothers might have something to do with it? Yes, this is what one of my therapists said - that we tend to try to reproduce relationship patterns that were set at a young age. So if you've been abused, you unconsciously seek out an abuser, and so on. Link to comment
SmilingKatty Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 And I think we all want the most, what we cannot have. I have loads of experience with this stupid fact, unfortunately Link to comment
jakel Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Yes, this is what on of my therapists said - that we tend to try to reproduce relationship patterns that were set at a young age. So if you've been abused, you unconsciously seek out an abuser, and so on. So if one felt ignored and pushed away by their parent in the past. They might seek out an ignoring S O and attempt to make them change to try and reconcile the in completion in the past. Link to comment
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