Choosing Roommate over me ?

[AshleyLynne]

Hello,

so I want to just get a few of others perspectives on this because I have no idea if I'm just being sensitive, especially since Im pregnant I am worried of me over reacting.

 

For the past 3 nights in a row since our roommate moved in, always around 12-1 am my boyfriend and his roommate have gone out to either take the roommate and his mutual friend home or to go move in stuff from his roommates other house.

 

I am 6.5 months pregnant with his daughter and very emotional, but I feel like maybe I could be the right one in this situation.

 

 

The first time he didnt even tell me how long theyd be or that he was leaving. They were gone about 2 hours. The 2nd and 3rd time he told me and did hug/kiss me and say he loved me, but I begged him to not go and that I felt uneasy in the house that late at night and didnt want to be alone if I didnt have to be. He told me to basically get over it and that I would be fine, and hed be right back. Granted he does come back a little over an hour later, I just feel upset that he doesnt seem to care about my feelings and how I would rather him stay home because of it being so late, and im tired of this just being every single night this week so late at that.

 

I have also said that if he wants to keep doing this and he still wanted to act like a 18 year old constantly going out late at night not caring about anyone but what he wants that I will just go and he can have this life.

 

He said that hes tired of me having a problem with him going out late since he sees me all day and tired of being threatened that i will leave him. and that hes a grown ass man and tired of me trying to control him.

 

 

Keep in mind this past month he didnt have a job, he sat at home playing xbox while I went out worked 2 jobs to pay all his bills and mine.

 

I dont know if I am completely in the wrong, but I just feel like since we are in a serious relationship and pregnant and loves him enough to care and make sure his bills are paid and be the mature one since he isnt, that he shouldnt go out like this all of the time so late.

 

 

Any thoughts please?

[RedDress]

I think you are being controlling.

 

It doesn't sound like he's going out drinking or that he's being irresponsible. He doesn't have a job (which is the part I'd be much, much more worried about), so he doesn't have to get up in the morning. Besides... how much more stuff could the friend possibly have to move?

 

I'd be on his butt about pounding the pavement to find a job. But coming and going? He is an adult. Shouldn't you be sleeping anyways? As long as he has a cell phone or you have some other way to contact him in case of emergency... I really wouldn't bat an eyelash, personally. He will have plenty of time where he'll need to be around when that baby comes. Let him have his last bit of freedom, I say...

[AshleyLynne]

He doesnt have a cell phone, so no I would have no way to contact him.

 

I am just saying this seems to be a developing pattern. We have been together awhile, and honestly the baby being here wouldnt change if he comes and goes anyway.

 

He just does what he wants, when he wants and doesnt care whether it hurts me or not.

 

I am just saying that, there will always be a reason for them to go out for no reason, and I just dont think its fair. I understand a few times a week or something.

 

Either way, it just really REALLY bothers me. I would like to get over it, but it just isnt that easy.

 

My mom/dad have said that he should be concerned about my feelings, and that since he and i are having a baby together and he told me he wants to marry me that he needs to be more in touch with my wants/needs and I need to do the same for him, he said do you think id go out everynight if your mother didnt want to be at home alone while shes pregnant.

 

If it is me, I just wish I could get over it I guess.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Granted its late at night and that is a strange time to be moving, but he's helping your roommate. 3 nights helping someone move should not be causing this much of an issue. It was very out of line to say you would leave because this and I agree with him, it is being controlling.

 

You need to take some deep breathes and relax. Once the roommate is moved in and things are settled, things should go back to normal. If they don't then, there could be an issue.

 

It sounds like you have resentment built up over his joblessness. If you're unhappy about something, make that the issue, don't trump up other things to pick at him because you're angry. If he's not respecting your efforts to pay the bills, then address that with him. Tell him you're not feeling he's pulling his weight.

[AshleyLynne]

I understand the helping him move thing. But last night and tonight they didnt move anything, and thats what they said they were doing. I just dont understand.

 

 

And there is honestly a lot of resentment issues that have been building up over a lot of things.

 

Sometimes I just immediately think of the future, and if its going to be a pattern, etc.

 

I guess I will apologize tonight, but if it really does become a pattern like I forsee happening then I think something would need to be done.

[DN]

I agree that you are over-reacting. It is not a good idea to use your pregnancy as an excuse to try to control him through guilt trips. It clearly isn't working.

[Kitkat973]

Is it his absence the past few nights that is worrying you, or is your reaction to a combination of the other issues in your life with him?

[AshleyLynne]

Whenever he leaves for however long he says hes leaving for, the only thing I can think of is I want him here with me, Why doesnt he care about my feelings.

 

 

So I think the real factor is, I feel like he doesnt care about my feelings enough, because he insists on this going out everynight, to do what he wants.

 

I just wonder how he would act if it was me in this situation, always going out when he would rather me not go out.

[JerkBrokeMe]

Take it from a clinger: don't be so clingy, you will lose him and it won't be your choice. That being said, stop paying his bills and his half of the rent. Tell him to get a job. That will make it easier for him to stop acting like he's 18.

[Stay_home]

Definitely needs to put the xbox games on hold for right now and try to find a job and quick. The baby is coming and no matter how much you save or how much money you make it ain't ever going to be enough.

 

There's nothing but trouble out there when you're riding around late at night. Around that time (12-1) his ass should be in the house and with his family and not hanging out in the street. Everybody needs a break and to hang out and get away, at least every once in a while. So you will have to be flexible on that. His friends need to understand that he has a preggo woman at home and that's his first priority is to be there for you. You're pregnant, there's a lot nerves and emotion about a lot of things going on and the last thing you need is extra stress and extra worry. I'm just saying.

[delicous]

If he was going out partying every night, I can see where you are coming from but hes helping the room mate move...

I just read some of the other posts from other members including yours, how do you know for sure they aren't moving still?

If you are certain, you can reason to question this behavior. He shouldn't be lieing and definetly shouldn't be

sneaking out at odd times of the night...Id have a talk with him but not a demanding "im going to leave you or else" talk.

Im talking heart to heart...

If he still decides to do what he does, don't nag him, but also if he isn't making you happy, he needs to go. you need to find someone who will make you happy.

[KeepMe]

"Whenever he leaves for however long he says hes leaving for, the only thing I can think of is I want him here with me, Why doesnt he care about my feelings."

 

My personal opinion is that is super clingy to me, because he's going out at night when you don't want him to that means he doesn't care about your feelings. I understand your pregnant and have lots of emotions but threatening him with you leaving over something that little is a bit' much. You said he went out and said he was moving but you know he wasn't, well do you know what he was doing? Because the above poster is right, he shouldn't be lying to you and that would raise concerns in my book. However, as others have said it's not the going out that should bother you but him not having a job. He needs to grow up really fast because you are pretty far along and that baby is coming and right now you are no where prepared for it. Besides you can't do all of the working yourself, he has to help. No silly "I'm going to break up with you" discussions should be had but a true heart felt, adult, meaningful conversation needs to happen between you and him.

 

I wish you the best of luck,

-Keep

[DN]

Does he have a job now? And was/is he trying to get one?

 

My mom/dad have said that he should be concerned about my feelings, and that since he and i are having a baby together and he told me he wants to marry me that he needs to be more in touch with my wants/needs and I need to do the same for him, he said do you think id go out everynight if your mother didnt want to be at home alone while shes pregnant.

 

It's a really bad idea to get your Mom and Dad involved in this.

[Hollyj]

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing.

A baby on the way, no job and is playing xbox all day????????? How responsible is this guy and how long have you been supporting him? Do you want to support two children?