RisingStar2552 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Hi there. I was teased and bullied in middle school. I underestimated the value of having good friends and cut off contact from the ones I had, becoming withdrawn. I'm ready to open up again socially, and to that end I've been trying to reestablish contact with past friends and classmates I was on good terms with. However, none of them can be bothered taking any interest in my life, including close family friends I've known virtually my entire life. My family moved last year, so I'm now 500 miles away from most of these people, but I thought they'd care enough to at least post a comment on my damn Facebook page every once and a while. Clearly, I overestimated them – I assumed they were capable of being as good a friend as I can be when I have someone who bothers to reciprocate. Everywhere I turn, all I experience is disappointment. My family is dysfunctional; I've lost track of how many useless therapists I've been through; and now I can't get the slightest bit of attention no matter who I approach. Human beings are social creatures; I don't think it's unreasonable to desire any sort of attention AT ALL. And yet, I may as well be in solitary confinement given how few people care that I exist. I'm trying to obtain the means to leave home; I know there are plenty of people I can find once I'm on my own who will give a damn about me. However, the crippling isolation is making it very difficult to focus on what I need to do. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or encouragement...? I'd appreciate anything at this point. Link to comment
Ambiguous X Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Stop trying altogether for awhile and see what happens. When you meet someone new always be indifferent at first. Try this for a month. Link to comment
Kitten love Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Take solace in online friends and contacts until real life catches up (as it will). Use forums such as this one, online games and chats to practice conversational skills and remember that you are a good person with a lot to offer. This is just a temporary stumbling block and will NOT be forever. It's difficult to get motivated but hang in there and when you do move out of home things will change for the better I've found amazing housemates that I've remained friends with long after moving on. Good luck!! x Link to comment
mcholmes2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Well I can certainly relate Long story but at times I feel isolated--but not lonely and very very busy That's because I learned you can't rely on other people to supply your happiness. Whether you know it or not, it's your way of punishing them, controlling them, lashing out at them, trying to make them feel as bad as you do And they know it, that's why they stay away. You can't be lonely in a crowd--find one! A county or street fair, a movie theater, a mall, walks through downtown, free summer concerts, a park on a warm summer day. No one knows you, you don't need to know them. Just enjoy their laughter, the children playing, their humanity, the good-looking chicks,the beauty of the trees and flowers--that's why God put them there. As for staying busy, there must be hundreds of volunteer oportunities in your community. Read the paper, the Internet and find them. Choose one that sounds interesting and go to it. You won't know anybody and they won't know you, but one thing you all have in common is your shared interest in helping other people. You'll be amazed how much you'll get back from strangers when you all have something in common. I could go on but remember, love yourself first and other people will pick up on that energy and be attracted to you... Link to comment
Kitten love Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Also, finding housemates and sharehouses online, and living with many, will immediately boost the number of people you will be socialising with. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Well, you stopped talking to them. Why should they all of a sudden start being friends with you? You reap what you sow. I am sorry you were bullied in school, I was, also. But I never cut off my friends. Why should they trust you now? They may very well be angry you blew them off years ago. You had your reasons, and I do sympathize with you to a point, but I understand their point-of-view, too. I come from an alcoholic, dysfunctional family and it leaves you with a bunch of issues to work on. I worked on mine and became a very confident, popular person. You can, too. You have to believe in yourself and be a friend to yourself before anyone else will. Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 People move on. You cut off contact with these people- they don't have an obligation to continue to be your friend after that. Stop thinking of their friendship as something that you're owed. With that said, the internet is a wonderful place to meet like-minded people. Link to comment
RisingStar2552 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Stop trying altogether for awhile and see what happens. When you meet someone new always be indifferent at first. Try this for a month. You mean not to appear desperate or clingy? Sure, I understand how that scares people off; I'll keep that in mind with new contacts. I made it clear to my so-called friends that I could use a little support, though. Some of them may just be busy, I understand that, but mostly they make no effort to show they care. *sigh* Take solace in online friends and contacts until real life catches up (as it will). Use forums such as this one, online games and chats to practice conversational skills and remember that you are a good person with a lot to offer. Thanks, that means a lot. =) Yeah, I'm really missing my old guildmates from World of Warcraft about now, lol. I should see if they're still around. As far as virtual friendships go, they were a great bunch of people. As for staying busy, there must be hundreds of volunteer oportunities in your community. Read the paper, the Internet and find them. Choose one that sounds interesting and go to it. Urgh, how do I keep forgetting about volunteer opportunities? Thanks, lol. I recall helping out at a nature preserve, but I went with my younger brother and to say we got on each other's nerves would be an understatement. Maybe I should just try going alone next time. -.- We also have a new laptop, so I should try finding a crowded place to sit and work on my programming. I expect that just being around people would help my focus a great deal. Well, you stopped talking to them. Why should they all of a sudden start being friends with you? You reap what you sow. I am sorry you were bullied in school, I was, also. But I never cut off my friends. Why should they trust you now? They may very well be angry you blew them off years ago. People move on. You cut off contact with these people- they don't have an obligation to continue to be your friend after that. Stop thinking of their friendship as something that you're owed. "Cut off contact" was inaccurate phrasing. It's not as though I said "Screw you, I don't want to have anything more to do with you." We just drifted apart, no hard feelings. When I reestablished contact, they had no problem communicating for a bit, then quickly resumed not caring. And what about our family friends, the ones near my age? We never drifted apart, but even they can't be bothered keeping in touch in between holidays and special occasions. You're both playing devil's advocate without even considering all the information you do have. Link to comment
NightLily Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Well I moved a lot growing up and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that usually moving=losing all of your friends. If you are lucky a few may keep in contact but when you are young and in school that is usually just not the way it is. I'm sorry, I know it is hard. You will need to work on building a life for yourself where you are and find ways to entertain yourself and enjoy your time until then. Link to comment
Beluga23 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 It's always hard work trying to find new friends, but it's definitely not impossible! =) If you find it hard to meet people, then sign up for classes or social clubs or recreational sports teams.. you'll meet a lot of people there (provided that you like sports!) If you're not very active, then online forums such as these ones are a good place to meet friends... or joining online groups with people that share similar interests. Link to comment
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