annieperson Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Hi All Some of you know my story. something new for me is I have now been NC for 5 days. this is the longest I have ever gone without talking to him in the past 17 years!!! Even though we have been seperated for 8 months we still have talked or text almost every day. We are still friendly with each other. Probably because we were together for so long and its not like something big and dramatic happened to break us up, just stopped communicating We are in this weird limbo place not knowing what to do. he is hurt, I am hurt and we are both confused. No matter what though, we were still talking to each other. For the past few months though I noticed that I was the one who would initiate contact. He would always reply and would be friendly and we would sometimes text or talk for an hour back and forth just talking about life but like I said, I noticed that i was always the one initiating it. So last Sat we were talking over text, not about anything important (he was at home depot and telling me about a bbq he was buying). but then I was waiting. Waiting for him to invite me over a bbq that night. I mean it wasnt something that he wouldnt do. I would even go there and cook him and our son (he is 16) dinner sometimes if he was going to work late. When he text me and told me that he was home and starting to cook some steak. i said "sounds fun" and then nothing. He never text me back. I sat there upset and mad that he didnt invite me over. but he doesnt have to. I mean we arent even together anymore. I came to the conclusion the NC was the only way I was going to get out of this rut of "Will we get back together or Not"?? So I initiated NC and have not heard from him since then. I guess without me initiating communciation we dont speak??? I do have to say something about NC. One of the problems of NC is I worry that he might think that I am not contacting him because I am not interested in talking with him anymore? Blah! this is soooo hard Link to comment
Blue Skittles Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Good for you for not initiating anything. However, this is not going to go on forever. You have a son together with him, so you will always need to be in some sort of contact that way. I guess the trick is to only initiate contact if it is about your son and nothing else. It is hard to lose someone who was such a big part of your life and probably your best friend, from the sounds of it. I feel for you. Do whatever it takes to stay strong and heal the hurt that you are feeling. Start doing things for YOU... it will start to feel better. Link to comment
mcholmes2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Letting go is THE most hardest thing to do, especially after 17 years, when you're truly emotionally invested. Seems like you're so invested in keeping this relationship alive, you haven't taking time to consider what HE wants. Has it ever occurred to you that he may want a life without you, or that his journey to happiness might not include you? Perhaps this should give you insight into why you're not together today. But let's not go negative. You also haven't taken time to invest in yourself, in your true happiness, self-improvement, in establishing a fulfilling life for yourself independent of him. (By the way, you probably know that with men, the more they can't have you, the more they want you.) Instead of the silent treatment, you should be texting "I'm going sailing with so and so," or "got concert tickets tonight for the opera" or "I'm having dinner with X. Talk to you tomorrow" And then go do it. You're using NC as a form of punishment--nobody likes to be controlled (except submissives and slaves). So take a new look at yourself. If you're due for a beauty makeover, get one. If you have hobbies, interests, places you want to go, do it. You seem like a caring person. Maybe volunteer work for seniors or children might be down your alley. Get yourself so busy, so into your own self improvement that time will fly and in time you won't even have noticed that you aren't talking every day. Who knows? He might see you differently if you're living a good life without him. You're not respecting his right to have a life without you, that's a big mistake, and you're not giving yourself the chance to find happiness elsewhere.... Link to comment
annieperson Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 you're both right. thank god for this forum. if not for people like you posting and giving me the other side I would be a friggin stalker by now! lol Link to comment
mcholmes2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I found out that two of greatest gifts that one human being can give to another are LOVE and FREEDOM Give yourself both Link to comment
annieperson Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Usually when I am at work I only think of him every 15 minutes but when I am at home its more like every 15 seconds! I have made a promise to myself though that I am going to commit energy to me and what I need to work on. I promise I promise I promise! Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 It takes alot of strength to reach the 5 day mark....good job and keep it up. It will begin to get easier before long. I know you are thinking of reasons to call him and resisting those reasons...again....good job!! Link to comment
annieperson Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 It was going so well until today. We have a teenage son together and I had to call him about our son. when i called him he was stressed cuz he couldnt find his keys to leave work and they are supposed to be going away camping this weekend. He apologized for not being able to talk and he said he would call me right back. that was almost 2 hours ago. so guess what I am doing???? thats right! waiting by the dang phone! this sucks Link to comment
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