halved Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 How did you become popular? What did you do with it? What would you do with it? I was not a born loner, but life circumstances made me so. I was very very unattractive (an understatement, trust me), SUPER shy, poor (i'm talking money), socially maladjusted, AWKward. I have had SO many mortifying moments, it is really impossible to count. This sounds like hyperbole, but just, for a moment, think of the most embarassing/worst things that could happen to a person, and likely they have ALL happened to me, and worse very VERY publicly. I know this must be true because oftentimes I will literally be in the middle of experiencing a WORST MOMENT IN MY LIFE for the average person, and I will just chuckle, shrug my shoulders and think "well, there goes another drop into my fail bucket". Anyway, on occasion (in highschool, work or other random periods) I have either through a) some form of excellence (sports, art projects, music) or b) befriending the most popular person in the room, gained influence. Yes, at certain times in my life I have been popular. I loved being popular, but I never knew how to maintain it, nor did i have the energy or life skills to replicate it. I have a point here. And it is this. Since I grew up such an outcast (I was THAT GIRL who ate with lunch ladies and librarians at a table by myself, for context) I always had a deep, deep appreciation for these "popular" periods of time. I would do funny (read "odd") things in my attempts to switch the "agenda". I would bring the other outcasts into the fold and defend people who were treated unjustly. I would dress oddly, and even sometimes dress straight up horribly or intentionally look poor (like I would wear the same thing for a week in a row). I would stand up against the generally accepted opinions if I thought they were wrong. I would work really really hard, harder than ever, despite the fact that I could take a backseat. I would play quirky music. I would talk about taboo subjects. I would hang out with my brothers at events over the cool kids (remember when it was so uncool to love your family? haha), I remember going out of my way to sit in the front of the bus instead of the back, I would eat and introduce different food deemed disgusting by most. I would sit by myself and do things alone. I remember challenging people for the sake of challenging, since these people seemed like their behavior had never once been questioned. Generally, I'd be myself, but louder and more public. I would like to think that I'd always been this way, the difference was I had a willing audience, people would laugh at my jokes, and they were asking me to hang out with them. I was emboldened to be MORE of myself, which is perhaps to be a contrarian, by both nature and life experiences... It was so much fun to control the agenda to some degree, especially given the fact that i'd felt so powerless in the past. I'm not sure if my intentions were good or evil. But I do know It was funny watching social climbers trying to befriend me but I would shut them down. Nerd revenge. I admit I consciously relished my power. Why am I talking about this? I guess I'm jealous of naturally lovable people who are good looking, sociable, kind...everything is so EASY for them? I, on the other hand, had to spin talent out of thin air, become empathetic through hordes of failure and experience, or become genuinely good friends with these naturals, NOT easy, I assure you. So, anyway, I want to hear other people's experiences. Does anyone even care about popularity? I realize that it means less as you get older, but it is still useful in the workplace, at least. Link to comment
jumper11 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 You only become popular when you are comfortable..popularity means nothing.. as the saying goes how you always attract the people you dont want and cant have the ones you do ? It's because you generally try to hard around the ones you want. That's why the men you don't want to date, don't go away/ I was never popular in high school. I've gotten much more into my skin and feel much better about myself, and in turn have a lot more friends and so on. Just don't worry so much.. love yourself, who you are with, and whatever happens.. just be happy. Popularity isn't everything at all. I don't know how old you are, but its a matter of age and being comfortable in your skin.. I've been told they can see it in me, and in turn is more attractive. Plus wanted to add... I don't think popular is one set of anything.....I feel great and popular in my own way.. I am friends with every type of person.. What is popularity - Just love yourself. If someone can't like you for who you are , they are not worth it. Link to comment
jengh Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I was actually very popular when I was younger (high school) and I think it all has to do with comfort, like the above poster said. I had gone to school with these kids since day one, we all knew each other and I was able to be myself. What did I do with it? I was nice to everyone. I was everyone's friend. There wasn't a single person I wasn't friendly to or unwilling to befriend. I wasn't one of the snotty, better-than-you popular people. I was popular because I was nice and (I was told) pretty but I don't think looks had much to do with it because if they had, I would have been popular in college. In college, I didn't know anyone and was SUPER shy and awkward and therefore, only had a few friends. So, I watched my high school friends making tons of new friends in college, going to awesome cocktail parties, etc and I got to see it from the other side: what it's like to be... unpopular. It's not very nice, I understand that...and the way people would treat me at parties because I wasn't "in" their circle...well, it made me glad I was always nice to people and accepting of them. Link to comment
elcie Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Believe me, it doesn't mean less as you get older....... Popularity has never been important to me, but my mother lives in a retirement village and the popularity contest is alive and kicking there. Cliques form around popular residents and a common form of ostracism is not to be offered a cup of tea at social gatherings. It happened to Mum the other day and she was devastated!! Link to comment
jengh Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Believe me, it doesn't mean less as you get older....... Popularity has never been important to me, but my mother lives in a retirement village and the popularity contest is alive and kicking there. Cliques form around popular residents and a common form of ostracism is not to be offered a cup of tea at social gatherings. It happened to Mum the other day and she was devastated!! Awww, that's so sad!!!! Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 think it's a natural pursuit. most of us are hardwired to seek validation. but as jumper says...maybe it becomes about shifting the source of that validation. start looking for your own worth where it's actually possible to find it. you already ARE naturally lovable. if you don't know it...how are other people supposed to? maybe if you don't feel that you're naturally lovable...you're unconsciously sending the message that others should view you in that same light. you play the part so well...that others have no choice to believe the performance. you know? just a thought. what's so naturally unlovable about you anyway? didn't pick up on it in your post. can you sell it again? Link to comment
delicous Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I don't think I was like popular "prom queen status" but I was popular because I was the new girl and ended up being best friends and kindof taken under the popular girls wing..We had gym together and after gym id usually go to her house, go on arens with her, swimming and what not...Through her I met other boys and what not from my schooll..I unfortunetly was forced to leave schools do to rape situation and her and I lost touch but still talk every once in a blue moon. Being popular ain't everything though.. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I think being happy in your own skin is more important than popularity. From your post, you seem to need to work on your confidence and self esteem. The whole woe-is-me attitude ain't very attractive =) Link to comment
thejigsup Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I was the nerdy, fat, girl until my senior year in high school. Then I grew 4 inches over the summer and lost 50 lbs. I went from chubby to a long-legged, tall (5'8"), blonde with fairly large breasts. I have generally been popular since. I'm still a nerd in that I love to be alone with a good book and I will probably be going to school the rest of my life, I LOVE learning and I am working on my second Masters now and will probably be getting my PhD. So I know both sides of life very well, I ate lunch in the library my freshman and sophomore years. Popularity takes a lot of time and energy, but I've had the same group of friends for well over 30 years. The popular girls have stayed my friends while my nerdy friends have all disappeared. I don't what that means, but being popular has been well worth it to me. Link to comment
ProtestTheHero Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I was notorious in high school and popular in college. I feel equally indifferent about both responses. The only real contribution I have to this is scientific: the more I drank, the more popular I became. Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I have always been cute....As a teenager, I got to where I hated being cute and getting attention from lots of girls....so I asked God to make me "not so cute"....he took alot of my hair away from me...guess what? still cute, even at 50. This has made a loner out of me because I don't want to deal with the social scene and the drama it creates for me. Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I was popular in high school. I also didn't have any real friends. It's not all it's cut out to be. Link to comment
jengh Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I was popular in high school. I also didn't have any real friends. It's not all it's cut out to be. This is true also... I only have one high school friend who I'm extra-super-close to.... the others I just see at open house (the town does one every xmas) or randomly at bars or wherever. If I absolutely needed to, I could talk to the other girls but..at this point in my life, i just don't care. Link to comment
NightLily Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Well I moved constantly. Usually I would be "popular" at first because so and so most popular guy would have a thing for me and then after I successfully ignored him that ended lol. Guess I enjoy being more of the rebel without a cause. Link to comment
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