Relationship gone friendship... could use some advice... (short)

[Krytical]

So I met a girl, we took things too fast... I fell in Love... she thought she was in Love... things got screwed up horribly due to me taking things too seriously and a mutual friend making my girlfriend insecure, so after things got screwed up, I was so obsessed with the relationship that I killed it trying to fix it...

 

So now she's broken up with me, said there is 100% no way that we would ever be anything more than friends, but she badly wants to be my friend...

Says she Loves me, but is not IN Love with me...

 

So at this point... We are staying friends... but I don't know what I should do...

 

My feelings are that I want to be her friend still, because I Love everything about her, I could be friends with her no matter what, she is awesome... the problem lies in the fact that I'm still IN Love with her as well.. I still want to kiss her, hold her, caress her, gaze into her eyes... there is just soo much that I miss... and its consuming my thoughts... I work 9am to 6pm and I'm thinking of her all day...every day... to the point that I'm looking up professional help for depression...

 

I'm 100% able to be her friend, and not kill myself, and not cry all the time, but it IS consuming my thoughts, it IS making me less interested in things that used to make me happy... I feel that if I stopped being her friend I would still be unhappy, but would have lost a friend... making things worse... but I feel if I stay her friend... I'll ruin the friendship anyway eventually or worse that I'll become obsessed with her and destroy myself... I've got so many thoughts going around and around in my head its agonizing...

 

I'm a very intelligent (analytical) person, which makes this twice as difficult because I can see so many different sides of this.... I can understand 100% where she's coming from, and why she doesn't want to be with me after everything that's happened... at the same time, I can't help but have hope knowing that people's feelings change, and she did tell me that she still wants to kiss me and hug me, she still has feelings for me, but that I'm not "the one" for her.... I'll wait years, and become the best person I can be hoping for her feelings to return, or for her to not be hiding from them... but I also don't want to be wrong to her... and become an inconvenience to her... I want to be fair... I want things to be right...

 

Any advice?

[RedDress]

I'll wait years, and become the best person I can be hoping for her feelings to return, or for her to not be hiding from them...

 

Exactly.

 

Don't be friends with someone you have feelings for. You will be consumed. You will wait for her and pine for her. No other woman will really compare to her so you won't give them a fair shot. You will basically lose years of your life pining for something you can't have. In the meantime, you could have found someone else to love who would also love you back.

 

Don't you deserve to be loved back?

[tresqua]

Don't kid yourself, you cannot be her friend. Your only hope for complete healing and eventual salvation is to cut her completely out of your life.

[Kitkat973]

The hard thing about being in love with someone who wants to be friends is that there's always the blur of lines there. When something happens that doesn't fall strictly into the line of friendship, but that isn't lovers, and you're left asking yourself what it means. You analyze every little thing even when you try not to, hoping that something will change. With it being an ex, that becomes even harder.

 

If you're still close, I suggest talking to her- honestly- about the way that you feel, and how your friendship is making it difficult for you to be able to find the emotional space to start to move on with your life.

 

Goodbye for now doesn't mean that she can never be a part of your life as a friend in the future, when you've had the time and space to move on.