Do I message my crush or not?

[butterfly1]

Hi all!

Im new to this forum and this is my first post so plz be kind

 

Right. I have a problem and the reason I have joined this forum is to get unbiased and honest answers from people who may have experienced this problem themselves.

 

Ok. This guy added me as a friend on a social networkng site. It transpired that we went to school together, and I couldnt believe how much hed changed. A friend of mine (who happened to be dating his friend) told me he liked me and wanted to ask me out, so we got talking a lot online and swapped numbers. He eventually asked me on a date and I agreed and I was soooo excited by this guy I cant explain. Anyway, I gets a phone call from my friend who basically told me that as well as me, he was trying to link up with someone else. I took exception to it and to be honest I felt a bit gutted. I started ignoring his texts and we never went on the date.

On the same night as when the date should have taken place, I was online and he was online, and he started to talk to me. Neither of us mentioned the fact that we should have been going out, and chatted as normal which was really weird.

Anyway, we started talking online a lot and flirting with each other, but I never received one text and I never sent him a message either.

Then, one day, he wrote a status which I believed may have been for my benefit and I challenged him on it. He called me mad, and stupid and cut all contact with me. On reflection, maybe I did look too far into things from day one and shouldnt have reacted the way I did.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I never hear from this guy and we dont talk anymore

He has never contacted me and I have never contacted him. However, I cant seem to get him off my mind. I know, I know, I probably appear to be totally outrageous but I was really into him. A few months have now passed since the last contact. My friends seem to think I should just send him a casual message asking how he is keeping (nothing too heavy or flirty) and see how it goes from there. But I am reluctant as I dont want to reek of desperation. My friends say I have nothing to lose and if he ignores me I can then concentrate on somebody else rather than keep wondering "what if" if I dont make a move. I just dont know what to do as I dont want to look sad or desperate.

Plz help I know its been a long post but I still like my crush arrrrrrrggghhhhh

xoxox

[ForumGuy]

This could have been a misunderstanding from the beginning. He probably has no idea why you ignored his texts and broke the date, and saw you as a flake. You two hadn't even been on one date, so he really wasn't doing anything wrong flirting with someone else. I know how you feel though about being gutted, I don't like putting time in with someone who is also dating other people. It is kind of the way of the dating world though.

 

I think you should send him a "hi, been thinking about....how are you?" note, for just the reasons your friends gave you.

[mouseno4]

I prefer to let people explain themselves rather than listen to what someone else has to say about them. Just because X said that Y was Z - does not mean it is true. You fully believed it, and you acted upon just a rumour. Yes, you were at fault for at least not confirming it. But, neither of you communicated at all about the situation, so... it just got left hanging.

[capilot]

OK, you hadn't even had your first date yet, and you got mad because he *might* be dating someone else? I think that before the first date is a little early to be talking commitment and exclusivity.

 

You blew him off and stood him up. Do you blame him for being pissed off?

 

I think a casual flirty message won't cut it. He thinks you're a flake and a message like that out of the blue would just confirm it.

 

You owe him an apology. That's where you should start if you want to reconnect.

[mouseno4]

OK, you hadn't even had your first date yet, and you got mad because he *might* be dating someone else? I think that before the first date is a little early to be talking commitment and exclusivity.

 

You blew him off and stood him up. Do you blame him for being pissed off?

 

I think a casual flirty message won't cut it. He thinks you're a flake and a message like that out of the blue would just confirm it.

 

You owe him an apology. That's where you should start if you want to reconnect.

 

100% what this guy said.

[bostonbruins44]

Is there any way you can see him in person ? It's not likely he is going to contact you at this point.If you contact him and he responds ,I would try to set something up very quickly ,meet up as soon as you can .

[butterfly1]

Hi all

thank you so much for your honest replies it means a lot

I know this is gonna sound a bit pig headed, but I really do not want to apologise at this stage. I personally think that by doing so will almost indeed make it look as if there was "more" there than what it was (at the time it was just arranging a date, nothing serious) and make me look desperate to put things right. Obviously if I did secure another date in the future, then I would mention what happened before and most definitely apologise for the failed date.

I am a very upfront person, and I did ask him from the beginning if he was seeing other people to which he promised no and that he was only interested in getting together with me. I have been in a situation before whereby I have met a man and he was seeing other people, I ended up gettin burnt badly due to his dishonesty, therefore I dont believe in "sharing" looool

I just think it gets waaaay too messy and I dont relish the thought of having other women on my case

But ye, I really like this bloke and I do wish I hadnt have listened to idle gossip but its a bit late now

BostonBruins 44 : hes a local lad, but I wouldnt know him weel enough to tackle this issue face to face, but obviously if we did arrange another date it would most definitely have to be sooner rather than later

 

I just dont know how to handle it other than sending a friendly message (not too gushy) and hoping for the best. But yes I do understand that it has made me look a "flake" but im honestly not and im genuine about this lad

[butterfly1]

Hey all! im sorry to have to bring this thread back but I have decided I need to message my crush

 

Any ideas for what to write and make me look interested without looking too desperate??

Any help will be most appreciated

 

xxx