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Need some advice..breaking NC before I leave the country for a while


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Hey guys. Quick capsule review.


Me and ex together for 3.5 years. Me 28, her 21.


Fairly turbulent early (few break ups and make ups) then last 18 months were settled, ex talked about babies and marriage. Moved into an apartment, I became unemployed. Got on each others nerves, mutually broke up though kept contact. When I realised she wasnt running back arms outstretched I became a clingy a-hole, this was coupled with me having to take care of her dog which is very high maintenance. Pushed her away. Fast forward to now, day 28 of NC, haven't seen her in well over a month. Blocked her on FB. Am jobless, carless and have very few friends left here. My days consist of begruddginlgy walking my dog and then sitting in my flat playing video games all day. I have given up on a job in my area, I live in a post industrial are and there are none.


In short my life sucks, and sucks bad even my parents say it. I do not know if she is with someone else, I haven't heard anything though it is out of character for her to not contact me this long. She would take me blocking her on FB as a very negative thing to do, as stated before.


I really really need to make a change and I have the opportunity to travel for a few years in New Zealand and Australia, something I've always wanted to do.

A chance to make some new connections and friends, to move on from her and here and to even accumaulate some savings. My sister is moving there perma in Oct and thus my family will be going out.


I have no ties in my hometown financially (mortgage, kids etc) though and this is the kickier, I WILL have to give OUR dog up for rehoming to his old owners. The only redeeming chance I have is a job I was offered on the weekend which I will know about by this weekend. If I don't get that job, Im outta here. This place is dead end town.


All I do is sit around my apartment all day feeling sorry for myself. I am becoming more and more depressed I can feel it. I underestimated how much I was going to lose when she walked. And to think she was begging for us to move and have kids etc before she split, makes me sad.


Anyway, the crux of things is this. Like 90% of other eNA'ers, I do wish for a reconcilliation, though have not broken NC. My quality of life is non existant without her and my age is going against me to reverse that in my area. If i give my dog up, then a month later go to Oz (roughly how long it will take my visa and make arrangements) I know there will never be any chance of us getting back. We would both be too pissed at each other I know that. Sooo assuming I don't get this job, is it worth me messaging her stating my plans? I don't want it to sound like an ultimatum. Is it worth breaking over 30 days of NC over?


Or should I just go and to hell with it? She left me and the dog what right does she have to know?


Thanks guys.

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I believe you asked this very same question on another post. The question is what are u trying to achive by telling her? If the job prospects are so bad where you live how will this be worth it in the long term, when you are not even sure you will get back together?

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No, just go. She might act sad and tell you not to leave and that might be enough to convince you to stay. But you'll still be jobless and miserable.


I had a friend who got accepted to a really good school far away. He had a pretty turbulent relationship with this girl, and the day before he left, she begged him not to leave her. He went to orientation then dropped out and came back for her. A week later she dumped him for another guy.


Move on, go travel, and be happy.

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Yeah I did you're right. Hmm good point! But when I was with her I had 1/10 of the worries I had now...


Thanks Nearbot, interesting account. Guess I'm just wearing rose tinted spectacles and thinking we'll get back, have kids etc. The * * * * she pestered me to do, the stuff I said no to.


TBH I don't she would act sad. I think she even replied at all it would be quite cold, but then I would expect to hear from here when I was out there.


Ok guys thanks!

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