I messed up my second chance...How should I ask for a third and Last????

[Amarte]

Ok, some of you might know my story, but for those who don't...here it goes.

I dated this man back when I was 18 and he was 27. I was crazy infatuated with him, "love at first sight" kind of thing. It . We dated briefly, and had a horrible break up, because he found out something about me that made him upset. Even though he asked me for time, I begged and clinged..until he completely broke it off.....That breakup provoked the saddest feeling I have experienced to this date.

6yrs later...we became friends through facebook. We talked back and and forth, he seemed to have gotten over the reason why we broke up like 90%.

He told me I was one of the most beautiful girls he has ever seen, and that he is attracted to me.

 

Then after some time we started messaging on the phone, even sexting...but I could tell he was not treating me at all like in the past (girlfriend material)..this was more like casual diversion for him. I kind of wanted more and faster, and started getting insecure (especially because of the past).

Eventually I lashed out at him at something he said, and got a little mean, deleted him from FB impulsively. And even worse, drunk-texted him. Now he thinks I have not changed at all since we broke up, and I regret this.

 

When I lashed out at him, he initially apologized, and told me that is the reason he is apprehensive about getting closer to me. But then he just broke off the contact, telling me that he decided to give me another chance, and I proved again I have no control over my emotions when it comes to him. That one time he is a FOOL, but twice he is a SUCKER. (he seemed upset)

 

 

Unfortunately, he is right. And I am ashamed I didnt take it more casually, and embarrasingly was acting as if he was my boyfriend. I regret doing things out of anger and frustration..but don't know how to convince him to give me the last chance.

 

I have never felt an attraction as strong as like I did for this guy. And no man has ever swept me off my feet like he did. But I pushed him away a second time with my actions...I don't want another 6yrs to go by for him to reconsider. I want to change right now, because this attitude affects me in all relationships, only to later regret it.

 

 

Right now I know I cant contact him or he will get annoyed, but how can I convice me to give me the last chance??? He tells me the fact is he is scared of me. And I doubt that even if he wants, he would initiate anything after my behaviour.

 

Is there any hope? Please advice me

[Kitkat973]

Without knowing the reason for the breakup, I feel like there's a critical piece of the puzzle missing here. However, if he's said that he's scared of you, then I don't know that there's really anything that you can do.

 

One potential is starting an anger-management class or counselling. And yes, this could be a way to show him that you are intending to change, but that's not really why you do something like that. You do it because there's a problem that you acknowledge in your behavior that needs to change. If you're unhappy not just with his reactions to your actions, but with your actions themselves, I think looking for help with your anger issues might help.

[Brownstone322]

Now he thinks I have not changed at all since we broke up ...

Um ... have you?

[DN]

It would help a lot if the reason for the break up was given.

[DoGGYtREAts]

Agree with DN

 

@OP I've read your post but the lack of "going into detail" as you put it, makes it really hard to offer any real advice

[Amarte]

Um ... have you?

 

Intellectually, yes, absolutely. Emotionally...not as much. I am still very sensitive and dramatic, and I want to change that. I don't think I need another 6 or 12 yrs to change.

[Amarte]

DN, the reason for the break up was that I am intersex, although now a female. I didn't want to say, so I could get more objective advice, but at this point it doesn't matter I guess. There is no doubt in my mind that this guy was crazy about me...He asked me for time the first time around, but I freaked out. Now he tried getting closer, and I kind of freaked out again, because I still feel somewhat insecure because of what happened in the past.

[doiiiieeezie]

Intellectually, yes, absolutely. Emotionally...not as much. I am still very sensitive and dramatic, and I want to change that. I don't think I need another 6 or 12 yrs to change.

 

That alone is your answer.