How to handle the situation

[tobemarriedsoo]

I am going to be married soon, my fiance has told me all about her past and that she had physical relationship with one of her best friend, i accepted it and now we both love each other a lot. Last week i met her that friends but since than i have been feeling bit uncomfortable and whenever i see that person feeling comes that he was the person in bed with her. They both have have left their past behind and has moved on but still i really don't know how to handle all this.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What is your past like? Have you had a previous someone you had sex with?

[tobemarriedsoo]

No.. never had...

[abitbroken]

So...this person is one of her best friends but you never met them until now? How long ago was it? If it was 12 years ago and 9 years before you met, you have to decide that it was the past and she was just being honest. If it was the day before you became "official", then i would see it was something to worry you - but maybe unwarranted. BTW, did you tell her your complete past in return? I think sometimes when we want to hear "everything" we really don't. We think we need to tell eachother every make out session to be "honest". My BF and i know how many significant others we had each had, but we I also think that being married soon is too late for the "i want to know everything" talk to see if there is a dealbreaker. I think that this problem - unless you have reason to believe they are still chatting about deep feelings, that you need to trust your gf that she has moved on and make it a point when she wants to invite the friend, act interested in being there - not to be a jealous snoop but to be included in her life. Or if this is a huge problem, go see a counselor or postpone the wedding but if you truly believe this is really far in the past and she hardly talks to the guy - the issue is all inside you

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What happened in the past is over and done with. It clearly didn't work out between them...sex is not the be all and end all of existence. People who are truly in love do not put much stock in their past sexual encounters.

[lavenderdove]

Just remember that if he was so great and they were so great together, they'd still be together and she wouldn't be with you.

 

Almost everyone has a past history once they are over a certain age. Don't let random jealous feelings or insecurity stop you from enjoying a good relationship. She wouldn't be engaged to you unless she really wanted you and not this other person.

[tobemarriedsoo]

We have been togther for last one year, but i met that guy only last week only. They both broke up 3 years ago, he is married and father of one child. I have told her about all her past and so does she. For last one year their have been nothing hidden between us but since i have met that guy i am not able to face her, i have no idea how to react, whether should i tell her about what i am feeling. i never had any issue in her talking to him, infact she also had met him last week after 3 years, but they have been in contact through mails and phones, whoose details i know.

[abitbroken]

We have been togther for last one year, but i met that guy only last week only. They both broke up 3 years ago, he is married and father of one child. I have told her about all her past and so does she. For last one year their have been nothing hidden between us but since i have met that guy i am not able to face her, i have no idea how to react, whether should i tell her about what i am feeling. i never had any issue in her talking to him, infact she also had met him last week after 3 years, but they have been in contact through mails and phones, whoose details i know.

 

Maybe being together one year and already having a wedding planned is too soon. Maybe you guys need more time to really get to know eachother and trust eachother. I mean, if you are being married soon, half your relationship has been spent planning a wedding! How can you go through all the ups and downs and getting to know yous. I am not saying you should not get married, but there is more to work through to get to a deeper level.

btw, were they in a relationship a long time or were they only brief? If it was only brief, maybe they decided to try it and found out they were better off as friends and didn't want to ruin a friendship. I can see if it was a long term relationship why you wouldn't want them contacting eachother, though. BTW, you knew this woman contacted male friends going into it. Not that it makes it better.

[GrowingIn]

Men and women can't just be friends if there's any attraction involved. I keep saying it. In your case you know it already happened. Sometimes it never does again because it already happened and the curiosity is gone, but personally I believe it always causes drama. I don't know how many stories like this people need to keep seeing to realize it always leads to issues.

 

All I can say is if you are the type of guy that isn't cool with this, you need to be up front about it. Obviously I'm not and here's how I view it. It is her friend and their friendship that's making "her fiance" feel uncomfortable. It is her bringing her past into the relationship, not you, so it's her responsibility to make sure her past isn't affecting her present relationship. And right now it is. I would do this. Be honest, and let her know how you feel about it and then just observe before making any demands since you may not have to: put the ball in her court and see what her reaction is. Whatever, it is, if you are not satisfied, and you still feel like this, you can put your foot down. She's either going to think you are trying to control her because you are insecure and don't trust her, or she's going to understand, care enough for your feelings, and let go of the past for her future. Either way it's a good time to find out the kind of woman you are going to marry and the kind of man she expects you to be. The key is going to be whether she feels any resentment towards you after all this takes place so if you can present in such a way that she suggests ending that relationship, and not you, it will be for the best.

 

PS: If she views this as you being insecure, there's a good chance she is going to also view it as you being weak. So if you have an ex on friendly terms, call her up and start talking to her. Or make you a new, girl, friend. See if she still feels all this is cool.