30 days today---not feeling even 1 ounce better

[BabyO]

30 days today.... I still can't believe that he left me. I really thought that he would change his mind. How can someone walk out on something that they waited for their whole life like he claimed. Now all I feel is that my love was not worth fighting for. That the distance (LDR) and his thoughts of us not having every last thing in common was worth more to him then my love and devotion. I feel worthless, and since he was the only man who finally filled that whole we all have inside. And then to be just pushed aside like you don't matter kills me.

 

I was reading another tread and a poster wrote this:

Sometimes it is not necessarily the loss of the person that causes the most pain, but the loss of the hopes and dreams and plans for the future that were tied in with the relationship. Start looking at him through a new lens..a more objective lens...dig deeper to who he really was and what the relationship really was beneath the surface gloss of words and time spent. Getting to the realization that the person, in the long run, would not have been right for you, helps the healing process.

 

When I read it I tried to see it from this point of view. I know from my past that this quote would have fit perfectly. But, with my newly ex BF this does not apply. I have no lessons to learn, and I did look at him though blinded lenses. In fact I ripped about his motives to make sure they were real since I dealt with loser from my past. We treated each other with 100% respect and devotion. He was very right for me, I mean no one is 100% perfect, but the good HIGHLY outweights the bad..........

 

No, I have physical pain in my shoulder and back. Everyday I walk around in a nightmare.......My gut is SCREAMING this is SOOOOO wrong and should have not ended....

[LaceWing]

"We had magic, and this is tragic"...words from "You Lost Me" Christina Augilera.

 

The world makes no sense, that I can agree with, and things that seem so right, can end in a way that feels wrong. You used that quote, however it doesn't sound as if you are at the point in your healing where you can really apply it right now. Or it may be that beneath the surface of the relationship, there really was magic...but he decided it was not for him (and his reasons may not be the ones he told you).

 

Perhaps in time you will come to see that someone who could walk away from something they claimed they had waited for all their life, was not someone who would really benefit you. It was LDR, and the absence of that person not physically being with us regularly, can make us cling tighter to an idea of who someone really is, rather than who they really are.

 

Then again, it could be you knew him inside and out, but nonetheless it's only been 30 days, so give yourself time to heal. It's not going to happen that quickly...feel what you need to feel, give yourself permission to feel sad and mourn, question the why's and how's...and even if the answers to those questions never become clearer, the need for those answers will fade away...and so will your hurt.

 

I am sorry you feel like you are in a nightmare...whilst you sit underneath the shade, remember that the sun is still shining. Some things can be blessings in disguise.

[Danny77]

I am on day .......... 60 of NC today.

 

I woke up, spent the first 2 hours thinking about her and had flashbacks of denial that its even over?

I then had some breakfast whilst thinking of her in the arms of another man and looking deeply into his eyes with that same look she used to give me and me only.

I then watched some tv and really just thought about why my fiancee left and the fact that I am not going to have that family we spent all that time planning.

 

Lunch came and I decided to go out and have a sandwich and a coffee,

As I walked there I thought about how we would walk together in this same place before she left the country and me behind.

The sandwich was nice and I thought about the fact that we would've shared it and whatever she was having as to get the best of both worlds.

 

Today has been a bad day.

 

BUT, at no point of the day did I feel that horrid pain of wanting to be back together.

If anything, 60 days NC has taught me to let go of that idea.

What I feel now is purely me, not her, and that is proof that it will work.

I am mearly putting myself through it and if I had more distractions then I would be alot better.

We have been apart for 3 months and I have not seen her face of heard her words since.

 

I remember the pain of the 30 day mark.

From here on it will get better.

 

You just gotta be strong!

You gotta go through this.

As do I.

 

Good luck and I promise you that day 60 feels so so so much better than day 30.

Even on the bad days.

[lavenderdove]

>>My gut is SCREAMING this is SOOOOO wrong and should have not ended....

 

But lots of good things 'shouldn't' end, but they just do. Life is about change, and sometimes the change is good and sometimes bad. People shouldn't get hit by cars and people shouldn't get cancer, but they do. I know that is hard, but you will get stuck in your grieving if you just refuse to accept that sometimes things just don't work out the way you hope they will. People can and do grow and change and change their minds, so spending time obsessing about how it is 'wrong' won't change anything and will just delay your healing.

 

You might consider counseling to get a little perspective on things. It wasn't a perfect relationship if he didn't also feel it was perfect. And you can and will find someone who will feel really great about you if you get out there and keep looking. Everyone does get their heart broken a few times before they meet that special person who loves them back and wants to be with them permanently. Don't give up on love, but you do have to let go of a person who chooses not to be with you, and if you can't do that on your own, consider some counseling to help you do it.

[hausser]

I hear ya dude. I'm on day 29 NC, surprised I still think about her, but I do. A lot.

[Danny77]

I hear ya dude. I'm on day 29 NC, surprised I still think about her, but I do. A lot.

 

I don't envy you.

first 4-5 weeks were hell.

 

I'm back and foruth at the mo'

sometimes feel like day 60 sometimes feel like day 6?

 

****! we should all just go out for a beer and put these loser EX idiots behind us hey?

 

Wish they had a pill hey people, a forgeting pill, you increase the dosage depending on the length of time you want to forget.

Like one pill is one month.

Heheh, we could call it...... FORGEX - the quick way to forget that ex

[LN1987]

^^^ but in the end having your heart broken will teach you more lessons, and I bet we end up being the kinder, more compassionate, and loving people!

[hausser]

Yeah true that about learning lessons. It does get a bit easier each day.

[BabyO]

I am not looking for love every again. I am 39 yrs old and I went through all the crap, heartbreaks, and disappointments several times over. I was able to let go and get past all of them within a few weeks/month time. The only one that lasted longer was my ex- husband because of the time it took for the divorce. But, I knew it was the right thing to do, divorce. I knew after the break up of all my ex’s that is was the right thing to do. I learned so many lessons…..BUT NOT THIS TIME!! Maybe the LDR showed a side of him that was super great when ever we were together. But, over time I saw another side. I did see the bad side of him also. He would get upset if situations did not run smoothly, but who does not get upset over that. But, I do see clearly over who he was. And no one is perfect; you accept the good with the bad. But, the GOOD was soooooooooooo worth the few bad points. It is not like he was abusive nor did he do drugs or drink alcohol excessively. I had no major problem that should wake me up enough to leave this situation and be happy it is over. We made sure since it was LDR to keep the passion, respect and romance alive. We spoke daily, sometimes more then twice. We said I love you every single day, wrote love letters etc….. This is why I can’t accept this….this is why I am DEAD inside. And to know this is all gone because of distance or some silly things we may not have in common is too much to handle. Even when I walked out his door for the last time he said I love you so much always and forever……………… I want to go to his house and cry to him, I want him back.

[rediscovering]

Be kind to yourself. You know yourself that the process of healing for everyone differs.

 

It's only been about 5 weeks in my BU, but I'm actually feeling really great. For others, it'll take months. You know that. So let the pain wash over you, but don't let it consume you. You know better. Deal with the emotions and then one day, you will feel better. You know this as well.

[lulu87]

Danny77, have you seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind? Thats what that movie is about.

[Danny77]

Haha

sweet!