I thought I'd share this with you all.

[LoveHurts89]

I've just sent this email to a very good friend I met through these boards. And thought it might be useful posting. If it helps one person today, then it's served its purpose.

 

 

I was watching Biggest Loser USA last night. One of the contestant's stories really moved me. She has a five year old little girl, and a 10 week old boy. Her husband got home from work, and she was ill. So he took her to the hospital to get checked over. As he dropped her off, her little girl ran up to her and said I love you mummy, hugged her and left. And that was the last time she saw her. On the way home, whilst she was still in hospital, a drunk driver driving at 110mph crashed in to the car with her husband, daughter and baby boy in.

 

That woman lost her entire world that day.

 

I've realised, yes, Stuart meant the world to me. But he wasn't my entire word. I still have my mum, my brothers, my dad. This woman lost her husband, son and daughter. Forever. There's no coming back. Yesterday, Stuart's mum and I were texting. She said to me set him free sweetheart, and the future will look after itself. And she told me her and Stuart's dad love me very much and nothing will change that.

 

Yesterday, he didn't reply, so I got annoyed. I told him it was now at the point where I was begging for my stuff and it was unfair. So he's said he'd be in touch over the weekend (I'm in London). I told him I didn't want us to be on bad terms, didn't want the door to be closed. He'd said at the beginning when talking about reconciliation, never say never. I said does that this stand? And he said the door is always open hun. So I've left him be since then.

 

Now, when I feel the urge to text, I think of that woman. She lost everything, not by choice. I lost him. Not by my choice. But it was his choice. I need to keep remembering that. It hurts like hell. When seeing my counsellor, she said sometimes it can be worse than death because they choose to leave, when somebody dies, they don't. So you have to cope with loss as well as rejection. But there is also a chance. With death, there isn't. There's no coming back. With this, there is a possibility, no matter how slim, that he could return.

 

Sorry to bore you. It just somehow feels better writing this down.

[mouseno4]

I dont know about you, but i found that difficult to read. Very hard to follow what was happening. Had to re-read a few portions but i still cant quite understand it.

[LoveHurts89]

It isn't my story. Basically, I'm saying it's put it in to perspective. Seeing somebody so much worse off than myself. I understand what I've lost. And yes it hurts me more than anything I've experienced before. I've come on here several times saying I want to end things, be gone completely. The woman from the show said that she used to dream that she'd died with her family, but now she has new dreams. Dreams where she's alive and happy again. If she can go through all that, and smile again. Then I can smile again too.

[Melting]

When you read a story like that, your own hurt seems irrelevent.

 

That lady will have a lifetime of pain, that will never, ever go away.

[Dice7]

i totally understood it and know exactly where you're coming from. no matter how bad things seem, there's always someone going through something worse right?

 

i don't know your story but i am on day 4 of my breakup and, man, i thought this guy was the one. i have never been with someone so great and in such a compatible relationship. this is so very hard. i hope you are hanging in and doing ok.

[LoveHurts89]

Thank you Dice. I wish I could go back to day 4 and do things all over again. I'd do it all so differently. I truly believe if I'd have left him be for a bit, we'd have been back together now. Hang in there. Xx

[Dice7]

what did you do? this stuff is so hard to go through. please try not to be hard on yourself.

 

the way i am trying to look at this is: perhaps i need to go through this pain in order to bring me to another situation where i am going to get everything i ever dreamed of. i adored my ex, i obviously still do, but in my heart of hearts i know it wasn't right (although it so easily could have been). i believe that when it's right it's not meant to be difficult. a relationship isn't supposed to be painful.

 

keep going honey x

[Dice7]

i also hope you aren't on your own in london. i can be a tough place to be going through something like this. i know, i live there. i have escaped to the countryside this week but have to go back and face reality at the weekend. x

[LoveHurts89]

I live in Manchester, but am going to London for the weekend, I wanted a break

 

I chased him, begged him, declared my undying love for his with five messages to every one reply he sent me. I'd phone him crying. Would turn up at his place. Would beg him to meet me. After a week of breaking up, he came around a bit. And we started to meet up, go for meals. Then he cancelled one night and I flipped, got upset etc. And he then asked for a week of space. After that, he said he still didn't know what he wanted. So he couldn't string me along.

 

I'm trying to keep upbeat.

 

We'll get there in the end xx