...what just happened?

[brokenXxx]

I need a bit of advice, but first here's the story:

 

My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me on Saturday. He's 22, I'm 20, both still in college but out for the summer.

 

We hadn't really argued about anything in particular, although we've had our fair share of disagreements (doesn't everybody?). Nothing screamed "deal-breaker". I only started noticing red flags about a week ago-- he was acting a little more distant than normal, and then he said we had to "talk", which basically came down to him telling me there wasn't enough sex. Immediately following that conversation, he left for week to teach at a summer camp.

 

We didn't talk a lot except for a few short IM conversations. I figured that week was a good opportunity to give us some space and think things out, since we'd been spending every day together prior to that.

 

I did want to be more intimate with him, and I figured that some of his general touchiness lately was just sexual frustration, so I resolved to be more open about it when he came back and see where that got us.

 

The day I picked him up from the train station, I could tell right away that something was wrong. He was sitting bolt upright in the seat looking constipated, and was being extremely vague about things further than an hour in the future. He wouldn't let me kiss, hug, or hold hands with him.

 

Clearly we needed to talk again. Turns out, he spent his week convincing himself breaking up was the only way to go, so instead of discussing it further, he just broke it off. Said it wasn't another girl, but things weren't working out between us. He told me how much he loved me, how perfect we were for each other, he enjoyed our time together, and that if he could he would do it all over again. And he told me how much it hurt him to break up with me because I was such a nice girl. Maybe I should have tried harder to get him to stay, but I was so confused and hurt that rational thought was impossible.

 

I wrote him a letter with the things I didn't say to him then (more eloquently and rationally than I would have said them, too), but other than that I've been sticking to NC. (I know, for all of three days). Yesterday his mom texted me asking where he was, because he wouldn't answer his phone, so he obviously hasn't told her yet (we had been planning a trip to see his parents for the fourth, otherwise this would be creepy).

 

What does this sound like to you? A commitment problem? Or was it really an intimacy problem? Do guys just lose interest overnight like that? I really care about him and I'm worried that it could be something else entirely. Why would he break up with me with such mixed signals? Does this sound familiar to anyone? When will I stop asking questions?

 

A few side notes: We've been apart for much longer before; I spent two months overseas in the fall and we came out of that one just fine. He also told me it wasn't because of another girl, and I trust him on that, but I guess I can't be 100% sure.

 

Thanks to anyone who's read this far. =) I've just been so confused lately-- I cried all day Saturday, I was numb Sunday and Monday, I've been staring blankly at walls all day today. I keep hoping he'll come back and tell me it was all a mistake...

[chatelaine]

I don't want to come off sounding insensitive. However I feel you need a wake up call.

 

If someone keeps repeating something, that is cluing you in on their thoughts. Did you ask if there was someone else? If you didn't, it's very likely there IS someone else.

 

It sounds like to me HE is the problem. A man who loves you doesn't lose interest over night. This relationship sounds immature. Anyone who isn't marriage minded has a commitment problem, no exceptions IMO. College BOYS can't offer the kind of high intimacy, commitment oriented relationships most women desire. It sounds like you want a real man, not a boy. Wait until your schooling is over, or date older men who know what they want out of life.

 

Have a little self respect and move onto better prospects. You'll thank yourself in the near future when you find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

[imonlyhuman]

i say you just be young and enjoy being young right now. you're waaaaaaaaaaay too young to be thinking about anything long term. just dont contact him, make sure you can be happy and single. and who knows? maybe he'll actually realize that you're perfect for him and come back. then you can decide if you still want him or not.

 

im 27, and im still young. you guys are like babies. enjoy college, enjoy the freedoms of not having a job yet. or many crazy responsibilities.

[banal]

This guy is FOS. He loves you and everything's perfect - but he's going to break up with you, anyway. He's either got another woman he's interested in or he's got some issues.