Hate days like today

[jadedbylove]

Blah. I feel incredibly depressed and sad today. It makes me feel like my ex has gotten the best of me. I know he has easily moved on with his life and doesn't think twice about me yet I'm hung up on him. I still don't get him and I never will.

 

During our relationship, he blamed everything on me. He even blamed the break up on me. I moved at one point because I thought moving would give me the strength I needed to finally remove myself from our unhealthy relationship. And he told me if I loved him like I said I did then I would have never left. During that period, we were still together so I thought yet he freely did what he want. It breaks my heart.

 

In my head, I know it is the right thing. I knew we would never work but my heart is stuck. It hasn't caught up. I hate it. I hate feeling lost. I hate that I miss him and want to hear his voice. I hate it all. I just wish the pain would end.

[Zuri]

How long has it been since you've been totally NC?

[jadedbylove]

The thing is I haven't been NC. It's been more like LC. I know that is stopping me from moving forward. I struggle with it because i need support from friends and family through those rough days but there is nobody there for me. That's when I slip and end up talking to him or whatever. I start a new job soon so I'm hoping it will help to take up more of my time.