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Jealousy issues over bf


midnightdeirdre

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My bf has been asked to help babysit this 4-month old at his friend's house for the next month. (Which in retrospect really isn't that long of a time, but I still need to vent this out.) This is his third job in the past 2 months; he is getting paid to watch the baby with a few other people.

 

Thing is, I'm a little envious that he seems to be quickly getting jobs right after he gets laid off from the previous one. (I'm still actively looking for a position, and it's taking me awhile.)

 

Also, when I call he is either feeding the baby or spending time with her. I'm jealous that he has this huge new thing to occupy his time away from me, and I feel like I'm literally just waiting around for him to call.

 

When I talk to him he does assure me that he loves & misses me a lot, which is nice. So sometimes I go up & down with my feelings, but usually I am sadly still struggling with my jealousy.

 

A small part of me thinks that perhaps I shouldn't even visit him while he's staying there, but that would be a pretty drastic move. Another part of me thinks that maybe I should pay a lot of attention to the baby & get her to like me just as much as she is starting to like my bf.

 

If you're going to reply, "You are selfish/insecure/get over it she's a BABY" then please go to another forum, because I don't need/want to hear that.

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Wow, uh, your hostility says a lot here. You have all this free time and it's clear you're just going around and around and around in circles, tying yourself into knots. It sounds like you should maybe a.) Be happy for him? b.) Get a life of your own. Now, I mean that in the nicest possible way, but it's clear you've got so little going on, your poor brain is just working overtime because there's nothing meaningful to fill it with in your day to day life.

 

Hope this helps. Also, please chill out.

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I think it's natural to feel a bit insecure when your S.O.'s time is being taken up by something other than you. In my experience, the best way to combat these feelings is to fill up your own time as much as possible. Focus on your own life, rather than on your relationship.

 

A small part of me thinks that perhaps I shouldn't even visit him while he's staying there, but that would be a pretty drastic move. Another part of me thinks that maybe I should pay a lot of attention to the baby & get her to like me just as much as she is starting to like my bf.

 

I think the latter would be the better move. However, if you're going to take this route, do it because you genuinely want to spend time with both of them and not just because you want to make your boyfriend see you in a better light. If you do that, it will come of as phony. Try your best to be your own person and have your own, separate life. Be supportive of him and his job as long as he's still being loving and attentive, and spend quality time together when you both have the opportunity.

 

You'll be fine, just keep your head together.

 

P.S. Just a note: The defensive tone to your last two sentences was a little off-putting. When you post on a public forum such as this one, you are opening yourself up to ALL opinions; you don't get to filter out those ones that you don't want to hear. I understand where you're coming from, but posting something like that while simultaneously asking for advice just puts your potential advisors in a sour mood.

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I can see why you would be envious that he can so easily get new jobs right away and you cannot. I personally don't think I would be jealous though, because it also means he is getting laid off left and right. It really depends on how you view it. I heard of one guy who is referred to as "the luckiest guy in the world" because he has survived near-death injuries many, many times. He considers himself unlucky, because he'd rather be like everyone else and NOT get struck by lightening 3 times, amongst other things. Just depends on your viewpoint. I think it's better if it takes a bit longer to get the job but you stick with it, then you to jump around in various jobs in a short period of time.

 

I'm sure it's annoying that you have all this free time and he doesn't. Maybe you can just avoid calling him when he's at work, if he tells you his hours. He can't be with the kid THAT much, if he splits it with other people and the kid still has parents. Maybe you could find more ways to fill your time, such as volunteering. You're already not making any money anyway, so doing something fulfilling would make you feel better and also look good on your resume for future jobs that you did something that contributes to society while looking for a job. Maybe volunteer at a nursing home, an animal shelter, or a food kitchen.

 

Also, asking for advice then threatening to report replies that you don't like probably isn't the best way to get people to help you. Besides, reporting a post just means the mods will view it and make their own judgement, it's not like you can give someone demerits here. Just sayin.

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I have a huge collection of novels that I have been meaning to read, so I am planning on doing that with my time. I am also writing a novel of my own that is almost finished; working on that takes me to a whole level of happiness. I am also getting money from Unemployment until I can get a steady new job. Again, thank you all for the feedback.

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Thank you all for your replies! Thank you also for letting me know that the last 2 sentences were off-putting. I am just very sensitive, and I know many people would think that those things, and I'm sorry, but hearing that kind of thing just doesn't help me at all.

 

Well I hope you get hired soon and the problem gets resolved. I think you already recognize that it's silly to be jealous of a baby. Really, you're just jealous that things are going wel for him and he has something to fill his time.

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Is he baby-sitting 24/7? If not, can you set up some dedicated time together, where his focus is on you?

 

He is not babysitting 24/7; he even said that he should get days off eventually. The past 2 days he's been watching the baby in the morning, and today he said he'd call me when the parents or one of the other friends arrived home. Thing is, 4 hours went by, and I got worried that he forgot to call me. I called him and he said he was still watching the baby. So I guess today I panicked because that seemed to be telling me that it's going to be a long time before he & I can spend quality time together.

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Well I hope you get hired soon and the problem gets resolved. I think you already recognize that it's silly to be jealous of a baby. Really, you're just jealous that things are going wel for him and he has something to fill his time.

 

I wouldn't say that I was jealous because things are going well for him. I just want us to be able to spend time together; and even before he got this current job that was somewhat of a problem. Also, hearing him be so lovey-dovey with the baby makes me feel left-out. I don't mean to play a Poor-Me card, but sadly I have felt left-out during so much of my life that it hurts horribly when the one I love & cherish is doing something so fun without me with him.

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I wouldn't say that I was jealous because things are going well for him. I just want us to be able to spend time together; and even before he got this current job that was somewhat of a problem. Also, hearing him be so lovey-dovey with the baby makes me feel left-out. I don't mean to play a Poor-Me card, but sadly I have felt left-out during so much of my life that it hurts horribly when the one I love & cherish is doing something so fun without me with him.

 

Respectfully, that's your own issue to resolve. Why would you feel it okay to push that on him? He can't make up for that. No one could.

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He is not babysitting 24/7; he even said that he should get days off eventually. The past 2 days he's been watching the baby in the morning, and today he said he'd call me when the parents or one of the other friends arrived home. Thing is, 4 hours went by, and I got worried that he forgot to call me. I called him and he said he was still watching the baby. So I guess today I panicked because that seemed to be telling me that it's going to be a long time before he & I can spend quality time together.

 

It seems that calling him was jumping the gun a bit. Four hours is really not long at all. It might be good to just not contact him at all when he is working.

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I wouldn't say that I was jealous because things are going well for him. I just want us to be able to spend time together; and even before he got this current job that was somewhat of a problem. Also, hearing him be so lovey-dovey with the baby makes me feel left-out. I don't mean to play a Poor-Me card, but sadly I have felt left-out during so much of my life that it hurts horribly when the one I love & cherish is doing something so fun without me with him.

 

I think you really just need to find your own interests and things to do to fill your time. When you have nothing going on, sometimes you can end up relying on one person to be your sole entertainment and believe it or not that's a very exhausting role to fill. He's going to get worn out working and then trying to make you feel better after work. Distractions distractions distractions. Find them! Spend time with several other friends & family members.

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