Abusive parents, considering having children

[Applewhite]

I'd always been resentful of my parents because in addition to all they put me through they also took away my right to love my own parents. I will never have the luxury of having a relationship with a loving parent. Not when I was 7, not at 17, certainly not now (now that I've finally understood everything and come to grips) and not ever. What I hadn't realized until today is they've also taken away from me the right to love my own offspring that may resemble them genetically.

[sunnyhappydays]

You sound amazing. you sound like a survivor. But I have to ask, have you tried counseling/parental classes. It may make you feel more prepared.

 

Also, I had one grandparent out of four and never cared one jot. Your kids will not care. They will care more that their mother is healthy and whole. If this mother is as psycho as you say, I think (with a therapist behind you) I would cut her off right now. And don't be afraid to tell the truth. I'd post your family history on facebook and expose her BUT don't do that without a therapist backed plan in place.

[Kitkat973]

I'd always been resentful of my parents because in addition to all they put me through they also took away my right to love my own parents. I will never have the luxury of having a relationship with a loving parent. Not when I was 7, not at 17, certainly not now (now that I've finally understood everything and come to grips) and not ever. What I hadn't realized until today is they've also taken away from me the right to love my own offspring that may resemble them genetically.

 

Oh gosh. I hadn't even thought of that.

 

But children- even when people say that a child looks like a relative, the age difference would probably make the facial structure different enough to hopefully let you see the child as their own person.

[Kitkat973]

You sound amazing. you sound like a survivor. But I have to ask, have you tried counseling/parental classes. It may make you feel more prepared.

 

Also, I had one grandparent out of four and never cared one jot. Your kids will not care. They will care more that their mother is healthy and whole. If this mother is as psycho as you say, I think (with a therapist behind you) I would cut her off right now. And don't be afraid to tell the truth. I'd post your family history on facebook and expose her BUT don't do that without a therapist backed plan in place.

 

I've done a little bit of counselling here and there. I haven't ever really settled into it because I've had difficulty finding someone who doesn't make me feel alienated. We're moving soon. I should probably look into it again once we've settled in.

[Seraphim]

I would not worry about your child looking like someone. Genetics is so incredible you have NO way of knowing. They could look like your husband's family too. They could look like you, they could look like a cousin, they could look like no one. I would not base having a child on the fact they MIGHT look like tormentor. I know for me personally I would NEVER look at a child as anything other than who THEY are. For instance, my son looks so much like me it is crazy. Is he me? Well no, he is him. Now as he ages he looks more like his dad, he also looks like my brother in some ways and my brother looks a bit like my dad. Do I blame my son or brother because of their genetics? Nope. If that was the case I should hate myself too because in some ways I look like my dad too, I have his smile. I think hating other people has a lot to do with self loathing.As an adult we chose to forgive and move on or we don't. Personally for me I forgive all the people who have hurt me and I think I am far better off for it because I do not carry hatred around with me. Bad emotions have bad consequences for the mind and body and poison everything. Even people who were abused have choices in how they want to be and act. I just choose to take the most positive route I can.