When to start dating again...

[Cloud9riddim]

Hello Everyone..

 

When is it appropriate to start dating/meeting other people after a break up?

 

It's been about 1.5 months since my break up and I haven't completely healed because I do in fact still love my ex. However, I'm not looking to jump back into a relationship for a WHILE because I know I have some internal work to take care of. I am open into meeting new people but I still am hesistating because I've been attached to my ex. We were together for 10 months and dating on/off but not exclusively 6 months prior to that.

 

Should I hold off until I'm completely healed 100%?

 

Thanks

[Eocsor]

You should hold off until you can say with certainty that you wouldn't go running back to the ex if they contacted you and wanted to reconcile. Ittakes a while to heal from a failed relationship. take some time off and work on yourself. If you do that the next relationship won't be based on being needy and just wanting to fill a hole. You'll know when you feel ready.

[renno]

Hi Cloud,

 

I had a really bad break-up about 6 months ago. It was awful, and we both went totally NC. This board really helped me get through it. I did some dating in the beginning, but nobody really clicked for me. The guys I dated were all really nice, but there was no chemistry. In part because I don't think I was ready for it. But, I have to say that it really helped distract me from thinking about my ex, and it did not take anything away from the healing I was doing for myself. So, I do not think there is anything wrong with testing the waters, gently, at 1.5 months. I say give it a go!

 

I will say that 6 months later, I finally found someone I really have a connection with. I am having fun again, and get butterflies every time we hang out or talk. I can remember a time, not too long ago, when I was not sure that would happen again. With him in my life, it is pretty hard to think of my ex as anything other than a distant memory. Of course, credit also goes to the amazing friends that helped me when I was at my worst

 

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I say start dating whenever the opportunity presents itself. No pressure. Have fun with it. But, you may be surprised at how hopeful you start to feel when you see there are other interesting fish in the sea who want to spend time with you

[Eocsor]

Dating shouldn't be used to get over someone. Unless you want to be totally up front with the person you are dating by telling them you are just out of a relationship and want nothing serious you are basically screwing them over. Otherwise they think you might have potentialwhile you are still pining for the ex. It's wrong.

[Cloud9riddim]

Eocsor - I did say I'm NOT looking for a relationship. However, instead of dwelling on the past I figured being out there meeting new people/dating others would sort of remove the focus off my ex. I do know I have to work on myself, as stated above, however, does that mean I completely rule out dating? My plan was to keep it light and have fun.

 

Renno - Were you upfront with the new people you were dating? Meaning did you let them knowing you were fresh out of a relationship?

[imonlyhuman]

yea, get out there and meet new people. its always good to meet new people, whether theyll be someone you'll want a relationship with or just as friends. and its good to meet new people because its a distraction and might help you see some of the things you would like to have in a future relationship.

 

you dont have to be up front with people about that, unless you're about to start a relationship with them. hanging out and stuff, no need to let them know. but if you and the other person are going to make a commitment of some sort, then its important to be open about your feelings at that time, so they know and can make a good decision for themselves, whether to commit.

[renno]

I think that when you are meeting new people, and going on your first couple of "getting to know you" dates - you don't need to divulge your feelings about your past relationship. They had a past relationship too, no matter how long it has been, and I don't think that conversation is necessary during the "getting to know you" phase. But - if you start thinking about dating someone exclusively and think your feelings about your ex are relevant to your feelings with the new person, I think it is always good to share. Sometimes, people asked me. I was always honest in response. But, I don't think you need to come straight out and talk about it unless the situation warrants. You don't need to put a "proceed with caution" sign out there for everyone to see. Particularly if you feel like you are ready to try to start moving on and have accepted that your ex is a relationship that is in the past.

 

These people will be looking to get to know you... for friendship or something more... and I always told myself that they don't deserve to feel like they have to be my therapist. When you meet someone you are really interested in, your feelings about your ex will be long in the past, and I think you will find you have no reason to let them interfere with your future.

 

We all have had an ex. Or multiple exes. Most people have had a painful breakup. You might find that the people that you meet when you get out there and open yourself up to them, have more in common with you than you realize. That has been my experience anyway.

 

Good luck!

[Cloud9riddim]

Thanks guys!