So I contacted her...

[DaveCummings]

Hey all,

 

Didn't think it was worth everyone's time fretting about this, but I've had this on and off indirect contact with my ex. Her bf has this habit of trying to punk me by texting me trying to entice me to go to the bar pretending like he's a hot girl. I catch on quick that it's him and for a while I'd go along with it just to make him think he has one up on me.

 

In any case it's times like him contacting me that get me thinking about her all over again and so I texted her and sent her a fb message and she had this to say. "Thanks and I didn't get your text because I have a new blackberry and new number."

 

Am I reading into this too much thinking she's implying something by telling me that it's as if she didn't reply only because she got a new phone and thus a new number? I mean if she was trying to be straight forward and crass she could have just said thanks and said nothing else or not responded at all. Or maybe all the same she's simply being polite and left it at that.

 

What do you think?

[replytome]

I don't get it. She didn't reply because she didn't get your text...what are you wondering here?

 

It was unnecessary of her to say it I suppose, as if she wanted you to know that she changed it (maybe to tell you she changed it because of you?) I really don't know. All I know is that you shouldn't care.

 

My ex who dumped me for another guy (i think) has recently been pestering me a lot. I don't pay attention to her and instead figure out ways to avoid her contact, without having to tell her. And of course without going out of my way...but yeh, she almost became like a stalker.

 

Let's both just forget about them now, shall we?

[DaveCummings]

Boreed,

 

I really don't think she changed it because of me, she could have done that at any point since I broke up. She got a new phone because she could finally afford a BB plan instead of getting pre-paid cell mins each month.

 

There's a lot more than I could get into, but as much as I try to move on and I feel that if she did what she did and I hadn't been such a douche bag that I know we'd still be together today.

[replytome]

Well in that case I don't understand what exactly you're wondering about?

[Zuri]

I want to be where you are, Boreed. I'm on day 2 of NC. It's torture. I blocked him from texting and calling from his cell, blocked work and personal emails and blocked him on messenger. It's sooo hard. I really can't wait to get where you are.

[replytome]

I want to be where you are, Boreed. I'm on day 2 of NC. It's torture. I blocked him from texting and calling from his cell, blocked work and personal emails and blocked him on messenger. It's sooo hard. I really can't wait to get where you are.

 

And you will in due time, my friend...and trust me, when you are where I am, as long as you make improvements in your life FOR YOU, it will feel as though you've never been so happy and never been so awesome!

 

At first I was hoping she would contact me, but then I started fearing it, and then I stopped thinking about her too much and BOOM...she contacts. It's as if they know...(granted she saw my pics on FB of my insane 3 week holiday in Sweden and Dubai, which crushed her belief that I was wallowing at home

 

It's all about you now, and you WILL feel better soon, and when I say better I mean better even than while in the relationship. At some point you start loving the freedom. I can't imagine my self being in a relationship for at least another two years. Not worth it.

[DaveCummings]

Boreed,

 

I'm wondering about the implications. I wouldn't expect her to outright blurt out how much she misses me or anything like that, but I am wondering if this is her subtle way of implying she's not ignoring me.

 

I look at it like this. I've known her well enough that if she wanted nothing to do with me she either wouldn't have replied or would have simply said thanks and left it at that, especially so I wouldn't sit there wondering. I told her I texted her and wasn't sure she got it. She replied saying she didn't because she has a new phone and new number. That together is why I'm wondering if she's subtly trying to suggest she's open to being on speaking terms. Again I also say this because if she wanted nothing to do with me she kindly would have asked me not to talk to her anymore. She didn't though.

[replytome]

Well I think it was just her being polite, but not trying to open up lines of communication. But that's not important. What's important is, why do you want to talk to her? She's with a new guy, and I'm sorry for the tough love, but have you no pride?! Start respecting yourself.

 

And talking to her will do nothing good for your healing. NC is truly the only way. I don't believe that you should ever even want to be back with someone that dumped you. Because dumping is like saying ''you're not good enough for me, I see you as inferior''. And finding a new guy?? that's even worse ''you're not good enough for me, I see you as inferior, BUT HE IS!''

[DaveCummings]

Boreed,

 

I think it was her being polite too, but as I said if she wanted to leave it at that she would have said it. She's a woman and in my experience they never just outright say call me or text me after a break up.. they look for the guy to make that move first. I want to talk to her because I've forgiven her. I carried that weight of resentment for over a year and I broke up with her not the other way around. She was the one who cried when it happened, not me. It's not what she wanted and she claimed it was all her fault initially. I believe she went to this new guy because she couldn't cope with it all. I mean she jumped right onto another guy who is similar enough to me in a lot of ways it's like she was trying to replace me. NO word of a lie.

 

I do have pride man, suggesting I don't simply because I did what I felt mattered is never wrong. Propagating oneself in a way so self-grandiose as to suggest it's all about being better and doing better than them is just as petty and immature as gloating is. I'm not above working on one-self as I have found myself to be the biggest advocate of this to anyone, but my sole purpose for doing NC or any self-improvement by any means is to do what I feel is best for me. What helps me. And now? I feel NC no longer matters. She can respond, she cannot respond. It doesn't hurt me any more.

[Kitkat973]

My thought is that if she was trying to open lines of contact, she would've included the new number in her reply message. As she didn't, I think she was just making it clear that messages to her prior number wouldn't get through to her.

[replytome]

You dumped her? Now that's a different story...

[DaveCummings]

KitKat973,

 

Again I don't believe it's as simple as that. She responds to my messages without hostility or overt bluntness. I feel if her and I were already on speaking terms that she would have given me her new number. I don't believe she changed her number because of me because she could have done that ages ago and got a new one now when she got a BB with a new plan.

 

Boreed,

 

Yes it was me who broke up with her. I decided that I couldn't be with someone I didn't trust and found that she wasn't being emotionally faithful to me. I considered it cheating and dumped her over it. Plus I found incriminating pictures of her on a soccer field looking awfully chummy with a male colleague. This wasn't anyone she ended up with or doing anything with, but I used it to fuel my argument when I broke up with her.

 

As it stands I know too well that I lied to her and likely abused her emotionally when I berated her on an occasional basis. I look at it that I didn't compose myself properly and control my temperament. It's not like that excuses her end of the deal, but it does make me equally guilty of the relationship going down the drain. In the end it was me who made the choice to leave which really was more for her sake than my own. I even suggested to her that she take the time at the break up to reflect and take personal space for herself and find someone who treats who better and makes her happy. Then she finds that dude like not 14 days after I break up with her and the guy is very similar to me, it's perplexing.

[pietro5266]

For whatever reason, the partners one finds all tend to fit a certain personality type. This doesn't always happen, but more than not it does. I guess we become "programmed" this way as we grow-up, through our family experiences, etc. So your ex is simply following a pattern that is familiar to her, even if she's not aware of consciously.

[Oneironaut]

My thought is that if she was trying to open lines of contact, she would've included the new number in her reply message. As she didn't, I think she was just making it clear that messages to her prior number wouldn't get through to her.

 

I agree with this entirely.

 

For example, if the situations were reversed, and -you- wanted to keep in touch with your ex, wouldn't you say, "Thanks, I didn't get your text because I have a new phone and a new number, which is xxx-xxx-xxxx. I'm looking forward to hearing from you", or something to that effect? Why play games if you -want- to hear from someone?

[DaveCummings]

I suppose this is the fault of my own here as the fact is that after I broke up with her, I requested that she leave me alone. So I'm really the one being contradictory here by contacting her. It's not like she ever got at me for talking to her, she was usually complicit in responding to me and did so in a polite and forthcoming, yet reserved way. That, I was both surprised by and appreciative of.

 

What I can't tell though is if she's being reserved because she's still trying to respect my wishes or if she really is being as others here are suggesting.

[replytome]

Hmm, your situation sounds like mine with the only difference being that she dumped me in the end, because it was impossible for me to trust her so I turned controlling without even realising it till the end. Rightfully so, yet I handled it in a distasteful manner. I should have just left her at the first red flag!

[replytome]

I suppose this is the fault of my own here as the fact is that after I broke up with her, I requested that she leave me alone. So I'm really the one being contradictory here by contacting her. It's not like she ever got at me for talking to her, she was usually complicit in responding to me and did so in a polite and forthcoming, yet reserved way. That, I was both surprised by and appreciative of.

 

What I can't tell though is if she's being reserved because she's still trying to respect my wishes or if she really is being as others here are suggesting.

 

Why don't you just do what dumpers do? Test the waters.

[DaveCummings]

Boreed,

 

It's funny. I didn't become controlling, but I definitely began taking advantage of her at the end and it was HER who was trying to be controlling of me. This one group of friends she didn't trust that I wouldn't get into trouble with and would play silly games like taking off to go somewhere. I just am not without my faults just as much as her.

 

I'm not even sure what testing the waters would be. I chose to remain out of contact with her for her sake just as much as my own. I figured she wanted nothing to do with me all this time and for all I know is still the case. It's her language when she speaks to me that just makes me feel like she isn't above talking if I made the initiation, I just wouldn't know where to begin.

 

Especially since I caused a mess at the end, broke up with her and burned the bridge pretty bad. The fact that she responded to any of my attempts to be in touch with her has surprised me every time.

[DaveCummings]

Well everyone that is it

 

I sent her another message saying that I'm happy she was finally able to upgrade her phone and that whatever she goes on doing that I wish her success and happiness. To which she said ya life is good haha and thanks. So I gave a smiley face to which she said bye and I said bye back.

 

So that's it