He's a ex felon and I feel bad for him but I don't think we'll work..

[Scorpio8647]

I'm really conflicted.. I made a post about a month ago about a guy who I was seeing who spent time in jail when he was 18 being in a shady business with the wrong people selling drugs and now he's 27 and trying to clean up his act. He has a felony on his record because of his past and I'm glad that he was honest with me about this and that he spent time in jail but the more I get to know him, the more I realize that we're just from two different worlds. He really had a hard life growing up being poor, living in the ghetto and him being caught up with the wrong people, getting involved in gangs when he was younger. Jail seemed to have changed him and he is a really nice guy, he doesn't show any signs of going back to that lifestyle. However I just can't see anything longterm with us. With felons it's very hard for him to find a decent job and he's working at a supermarket barely making it. For the first time I went to his apartment yesterday and it's really sad what I saw, he lives on the rough side of town with hoodlums all around and you're constantly hearing gunshots and it's a really bad area to live in. I felt uncomfortable being in that side of town. He was explaining to me that life is hard and he's trying to have a better life but no one won't give him a second chance because of his past and record. He can barely afford to buy groceries at his place. I think realistically we just may end up being friends. I couldn't see anything longterm, I mean him finding a GOOD job will be hard meaning I will probably have to be the supporter and that's just too much for me. Plus I just don't want the extra drama of his lifestyle, I know this sounds wrong but I feel bad for him. I still really like him but I just don't know how this will work out. I'm really confused about this..

[oldenoughtoknow]

It doesn't sound like you're that confused. A healthy relationship takes more than attraction. It takes compatibility. Some things, you can overlook, while other things absolutely have to be there. He has some parts of his life that simply don't match up with yours. That doesn't make either of you a bad person. It just means that a relationship with him isn't going to work.

[MyNinja]

I agree with oldenoughtoknow. Ultimately, you really have to be compatible in order for it to work and your relationship sounds like it's night and day.

 

I was with a few people who had "questionable histories". I was fresh out of college looking for work and whatnot. I had a few people ask me out, but when I got to know the person deeper they would then confess to a number of things they did or were/are convicted of.

 

I was with one guy who confessed he did heroin. I was suspicious of him because of all the marks and scabs on his hands. I asked him what it was about and he said he just has a problem picking at his skin. I knew he was lying so I waited for him to tell me, which he did later on. After he admitted everything I told him it wasn't going to work because I could never date someone who did drugs. I also found out he didn't have a license and didn't understand basic technology (how to use a laptop). He also did jail time in the past and was pretty much one of those guys who constantly walks the streets. Overall, he was a nice guy, but the lifestyle choice he lived wasn't going to work in the long run.

 

He got upset and accused me of thinking I was "better than him". All I could say was "I'm sorry you feel that way, but you lied so obviously you knew what you were doing wasn't right or you knew I wouldn't approve. We are just at different points in life and I don't like this sort of lifestyle. It has nothing to do with you personally, just the decisions you made. It wouldn't work out." He told me to F off. Case in point.

 

It's one thing to be nice and sympathize someone's situation and be non-judgemental, but you have to look at YOUR life and what you know you want and are capable of getting/having. Life is too short to settle for less than your worth.

 

Maybe you should just consider being friends, it wouldn't hurt and is probably the best choice for your situation.

 

Until we meet again...

[Hollyj]

It doesn't sound bad, you have to put yourself first. This guy has no future and a different background; therefore, no future.

 

If you have so little in common, why did you start dating? And, how does he pay for dates? I hope you're not paying?

[yikeshelpme]

It doesn't sound bad, you have to put yourself first. This guy has no future and a different background; therefore, no future.

 

 

That's not true he is obviously decided to take a positive step in life, it's not like he was a child molester. saying that if you can't live with his past and avoid judging him yhen it's best to let it go.