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Have i done more hard then good?


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Have i done more HARM* then good



Facts -

-been about month and a half since we broke up from a 18 month relationship due to me lying. ( not cheating etc) and she doesnt trust me

-we still were having sex and acting as a couple during the past month

- i tried everything, from trying hard (not begging) to avoiding her, in which some cases she did come to me but then backed out as i responded.

- i recently went on holiday and was bombarded with texts from her saying i love you, your my everything.

-come back, 3 days later she started a relationship with an ex of hers that didnt last before, barely few months.


i told her on that day that i loved her and wanted her back, do you love me etc because at the time i felt really weak admitedly, she said she loves me, will always have feelings for me , but she likes him and who knows we may be togther in the future, i then asked did you mean what you said to me when i was on holiday and she said she meant it. i the proceeded by saying okay, "i need to delete you off facebook for the time being, to help us both move on, i wish you the best with your relationship and be happy". and she replied with "i understand and same to you".


It has just been a week of no contact and from me checking her facebook (she doesnt have privacy, again me being weak..) she is all happy and in love with him already. from seeing this i phoned her up, to see how she was doing, asked her if she missed me, and she said yeh she did, i asked so you love him alot then? and ofc she said yeh. I asked her about her feelings on me, if that she still loved me, she said she did but it's alot less then before. I then again told her, im not looking to win you back, i just wanted to check up to see how you were doing, and hope that your okay, and wished her the best.


She also got angry with me because i chose to do no contact and she said you didnt have to delete me of facebook, so i don't know what went wrong there, but i told her i don't want us to be weird. and left it at that.


I am heartbroken, like i find it a struggle to breathe at times. And keep having thoughts of them together is driving me insane. I really want her back because i felt we could of still made it work. I find it also very insane that she's in love with him already, when she barely liked him when they went out before me. It's been a week and shes head over heels? is that a good or bad thing? and is that classed as a rebound? if she still has feelings for me when she is in another relationship? basically telling me she loved me and wanted me 3 days before they got together...



What would be the best path to follow to actually getting her back?


-Re add her on facebook and keep light contact so we can get comfortable again.( then again she may see that im still not over her and drive her towards him more.)

-Do no contact, and completely shut her out and move on, and in time she misses me? and may want to have another try once her honeymoon stage is dead..(again the flaw in this is that she may completely move on.

-Or become her friend and wait till they fall apart? (this ex was her friend in the backround, but they never met and she never saw any romantic interest into him, only once i had made the mistakes, he made some moves, and the flaw with this will mean that she knows i will always be there for her and probably friend zoned)


I really need some help. thanks for reading.

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On the bad side for you, you told her you are not looking to win her back and wished her the best. You cannot go back on comments like these or it will further your reputation with her as a liar.


Possibly on the good side for you, but in no way a for sure thing, they broke up once after 4 months and could run into the same issues they had before, whatever they were.


You need to leave her alone and let her current relationship run its course and possibly miss you if it is in the cards. Like you say, if you stick around as a friend, she knows you are there, and therefore has less motivation to make a change.

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thank you for such a quick reply, would this classify as a rebound for her though? if she still has feelings for me whilst she is with him? cos i know she hasn't completely moved on. Also, should i re-add her as a friend on facebook? or would that only enforce that im becoming more of a "emotional backup friend"?

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I think you should back off and try to begin the process of moving on.


It sounds like she's rebounding, but nevertheless, that's her new relationship and her life so just grant her that. I can almost guarantee you that by contacting her and asking if she misses you or if you'd ever get back together that saying things like that puts gas into her tank.


In the future, don't lie to your other half. Be honest. And if you have a problem with honesty, then at least don't do anything that would put yourself in a position to have to lie.

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She sounds pretty confused and not set on anything or anyone right now. If it were me, I would not add her back to FB, I would disappear and see if she finds she can't live without me. If you are there, she can't miss you. You know her better than any of us though. If it were really me, I would be done with her, because I can't go back to anyone who has been with someone else while we are broken up. You love her though, and giving her the chance to miss you is your best bet as hard as it may be.

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Honestly, she would get upset and not trust me when i went out, and i never gave her anything to not trust me for. i even kept texting whilst i was out. i would have to lie to go out with my mates, to clubs when it was completely harmless for me. but besides that i feel like shes the only girl i've loved most hence it didn't really bug me as much. But i guess all that wasn't healthy for both of us... and thank you for your opinoin!

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@forumguy, thank you for your reply, im going to try that again, and hopefully last more then a week. It's really difficult and frustrating. And yeh, she's not with me so she can do whatever she wants with anyone, it would only bother me if she went out to get with someone else just to spite me and then coming back to me in which i wouldn't allow

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@forumguy, thank you for your reply, im going to try that again, and hopefully last more then a week. It's really difficult and frustrating. And yeh, she's not with me so she can do whatever she wants with anyone, it would only bother me if she went out to get with someone else just to spite me and then coming back to me in which i wouldn't allow


hey man, sorry to hear about your situation. Best thing you can do right now is fall of the face of the earth since she has a née boyfriend. That was the last straw for me and my ex, I will not be around for that. He's probably a rebound, what with the I love you thing so early. It'll most likely fizzle quickly but don't count on that because it won't help you move on. Try and do you now, be selfish, treat yourself well. If you're around being her fried, it takes a lot of emotional responsibility from the new guy. Let her liveit outwithout you.


I know nc is tough especially when all you can think about is them being together, but trust me, it's simply the best approach in your case. It will get better, I almost crapped my pants when I saw my ex with the other guy. Now I don't care. Plus they broke up, and now she wants to meet up. A cpl months ago I wouldve been tearing a path through the forest to see her...now..meh. Time really putsthings into perspective.


Stay strong buddy. You break nc I break your legs

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haha thank you for the reply. yeh i've joined a gym to get fitter so i can keep my mind away lol. just last time i contacted her seems like shes totally moved on and forgotten all about me lol yet shes got the bracelet and necklace to keep reminding her of me and my jumper she tells me she sleeps with... she even said she keeps reading my valentines cards..,maybe the thrill of the new relationship is over clouding everything for her at the moment, tbh i havnt actually put NC in more then a week so i can't really judge, and i know she felt so deeply for me during our 18 months both emotionally and sexually, to go to nothing feels really weird it's like we got too comfortable as well which may have been a problem too

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So perhaps shes masking up her emotions for me for this other guy? and that she hasn't contacted me probably because she wants to lose her feelings for me, last conversation we had, she also stated "i hope you find someone nice x" so that sort of indicated to me that she has moved on? I replied with a "Thank you (


3 days, from saying "your my everything" to this, really confuses the hell out of me. Then again, i might be wrong and she just moved on that quickly.. but i have to say from not contacting her and not checking up her facebook etc, it has been less painful at least. But still comes running through my mind when i try to sleep.

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