Living With Friends

[WhiskeyJack]

This whole saga began about two years ago. I moved in with my bf (now ex), we'll call him Craig. Craig offered me what seemed like a great deal. Move in with him, he'll pay rent, since I made much less than him, and I'd cover groceries, cleaning, and the miscellaneous house chores. I'd never lived with anyone before, so it seemed like a reasonable thing. The problem was I wasn't on the lease. Also, Craig and I kind of rushed things, having only been together sixth months, in a long distance relationship, before he asked me to move accross state lines and live with him.

 

For about six months this was fine. He and I both had jobs, and I was slowly working my way into a position where I could pay my fair share and we could split the chores. Around this time, we got another room mate, who we can just call Kyle.

 

Kyle and Craig had been best friends for about 20 years. They'd grown up together, their older siblings were best friends, their families spent the holidays together. Craig's father would cook dinner for both families each year on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

 

But Kyle didn't get put on the lease either. So Craig was the one who was solely responsible, legally speaking, for the two bedroom apartment, and all the legal and financial responsibilities.

 

But Kyle got a job, and we all started splitting things three ways. It worked. Craig and mine's relationship suffered, but that should have been a sign.

 

Then a few months later another person showed up on my couch. Another old friend, looking for somewhere to crash while he saved up money to move to California. Lee was a good guy. But he too, was not on the lease. And unlike Kyle and I, he didn't pay rent.

 

Craig insisted that he would never ask this of Lee. Lee and his parents had given him a home for over a year when Craig was homeless, and hadn't asked anything of him except that he feed and walk their dog. So Craig felt he owed it to Lee to give him a place for a few months. I said okay. What was I going to do? I loved this man, thought I was going to marry him, and the last thing I wanted to do was put him in a position where he felt he needed to boot out a good friend who had been there for him when he'd needed someone more than anything.

 

Lee left about 2 months later, and everything was fine. Until another stray found themselves on my couch. This two bedroom apartment was becoming a little crowded. Tyler was many things, but he was not on the lease, nor was he employed, nor did he have any inclination to become employed.

 

"He'll be our live in house maid. He does the house work so you don't have to, and that's how he pays rent." Craig said.

 

I wasn't on the lease. I didn't really have a say in this, so I went along with it.

 

Until almost a year later, and I woke up, realizing I had feelings for someone else, next to the man I had fallen madly in love with almost 2 1/2 years ago, and realized I didn't love him anymore, and the living situation I was in was making me absolutely insane.

 

So I ran. I talked to Craig, explained the situation, packed a bag, and left. I couch surfed for a good couple of weeks, and talked to a few friends who lived in a town further south of me about getting a place there. Cost of living was cheaper, I had a good job with good standing, and transferring wasn't much of an issue so long as I explained it to my boss. Plus, I would be moving in with a very good friend of mine, Mike.

 

When everything went down with Craig, there was the usual backlash of breaking up with someone. Especially someone with as big of a heart as him. Especially when the friends you've made have been his friends for close to two decades. Especially when they find out it's because you liked someone else. And no matter how hard I tried to explain it to people, I, understandably, was ripped to shreds.

 

But Mike was there. Mike consoled me. Mike explained that people would get over it eventually. He was really there for me during those very rough months. He had a job, made decent money, was a fairly tidy man from what I'd seen, and offered to be my new room mate. This seemed like a good idea. Until his GF (now ex) stepped in a threw a fit.

 

Alli and Mike's relationship had been rocky, and she was afraid of Mike moving in with another woman. Never mind the fact that Alli and I were good friends, and had been for years. She flipped out, and more friends got involved. But Mike wasn't budging. He needed a place, I needed a place, this was a win win. Eventually she'd come around... right?

 

To calm Alli's fears, we opted to gain a third room mate, a girl named Kailey. Kailey was younger than the rest of us. But again, she had a job, and was being vouched for by a number of good friends I trusted. So the three of us, Mike, Kailey, and myself, all marched into an apartment complex, signed a lease, and moved in. Alli calmed down when Mike gave her a key to the apartment and we all explained neither Kailey, nor myself, wanted to sleep with Mike under any circumstances whatsoever.

 

And for a while things were great. The man I was interested in and I started seeing each other. Gordon is a great man. Loving, honest, kind, responsible, hard working, driven, etc. He's also Mike's best friend. His little brother is also Kailey's Boyfriend.

 

Things were great, as I said, for about a month. Until Kailey got arrested for stealing from her job. In the middle of the night I had to go pick her up from the police station, and she sobbed the whole way back to the apartment. I was livid. But I am almost too forgiving at times.

 

About a week later Mike lost his job. He'd called out after St. Patrick's day, thinking he could just do that because his boss was his friend. His Boss/friend fired him within a few hours.

 

Things were rough, but I still held hope. I picked up extra shifts, made sure bills were paid, kept my things tidy, and really tried to be a good room mate.

 

Kailey landed herself another job pretty quickly. She hadn't had her court date yet, so her criminal record didn't need to be recorded when applying. She explained everything to her new employer, and they were surprisingly understanding. She started work, and the financial stress was taken off of my shoulders.

 

So for a while things went back to being okay. Gordon and I were doing fabulously. But he was really stressed over Kailey. She was like his little sister, and he felt betrayed by her actions. But I can't kick someone out over those kinds of things. She had a job, she paid rent, and she was overall pleasant to be around.

 

But the weeks wore on, and Mike couldn't find a job. And one day another girl shows up on my door step. A friend of mine and Mike's. Hannah had just had a huge fight with her fiance, and had driven the 7 hours up to our apartment to talk. I didn't know until she got here that she was leaving him. I also didn't know that Mike and her had been talking for a while.

 

Then Hannah goes to bed in Mike's room. And Mike follows, assuring me he's sleeping on the floor. I know I shouldn't have been so naive, but what was I supposed to say? He's a grown man, and he can make whatever decisions he wants with his personal life.

 

Three days later, he's left Alli. And two hours after that, he and Hannah are curled up in a chair, nuzzling and what have you. It was sudden, and it bothered me. Despite Alli's freakout, her and I had been relatively close. But I can't kick someone out for cheating on/breaking up with their girlfriend, even if their girlfriend was my friend.

 

So Hannah is homeless. Her things are in another state, and she needed a place to crash. So a week went by. Then two...

 

And suddenly I had another stray in my house, and I was getting a familiar case of Dejavu.

 

So I asked "Is Hannah moving in?"

 

And then a room mate meeting ensued, in which I protested the idea. I did not want Hannah moving in. I did not want another person living here who wasn't on the lease, or legally responsible for bills. Especially considering neither Mike nor Hannah had jobs.

 

But Mike, Hannah, and Kailey assured me it would be okay. They assured me that things would be easier, that there was a legal way to get Hannah in so that she wouldn't be a squatter.

 

Fast forward to about four days ago. Hannah is still not on the lease. They are both still unemployed. And my entire home is being rearranged to accommodate her multitude of things. Little things that shouldn't bother me, like my dishes being moved to make room for hers because hers "match and look nicer". Somehow they pay rent, somehow they manage to squeak by. They sold Mike's car, and are sharing Hannah's, and using the money to pay rent in advance while they find jobs.

 

I'm lying in bed with Gordon at his mother's place. He's just graduated college and is in the process of getting a real job and finding his own place, things every one has to go through. I get a call in the morning from Mike, telling me to get over there ASAP. It's serious. Don't tell Kailey or her BF. I won't want to talk to Kailey after all this is through.

 

I'm tired. I don't care. Gordon drives me over there, and we sit down and talk.

 

Hindsight is always 20/20

 

Mike begins to explain that Kailey lied about paying rent, that if it isn't paid in the next 8 days, we're out, we're all evicted. I get on the line, and set up a safety net of funds via my savings fund my parents have set aside for me. That way I'm covered in case things got wacky. But then Mike says

"I can't live with a Liar. I want her out."

 

And I'm thinking, well, she didn't pay rent... she's been blowing her money left and right... let's go talk to her.

 

Hannah and Mike come back over to Gordon's house to do this. We sit down, the six of us: Mike, Hannah, Kailey, Gordon, Kailey's BF/Gordon's Little Brother, and myself, and lay it all down on the table.

 

Mike proceeds to explain that rent wasn't paid, he feels lied to, and that he's not happy.

 

"So what you're saying is that you don't trust me and you want me to find somewhere else to live?"

 

And Mike looks to me, and I look to him and Hannah, and I sheepishly say yes.

 

Kailey storms out, her boyfriend starts yelling, there was a fist fight, and more screaming...

 

And Hannah, Mike, Gordon, and myself all went back to the apartment feeling like absolute crap.

 

And then a light went off in my head. Why did I agree to all of this? We didn't even give her a chance to pay the money... we just told her to get her things and get out because she lied, even though we had no proof. Why was I kicking out the only other person with a job in this place? When if anyone is putting my livelihood in jeopardy it's Hannah, since her being here is a breach of our lease agreement, and we could all get evicted if they found out she was living here?

 

I had made a huge error.

 

So we all start talking about what to do. I explain I'm not going to make the girl homeless, and that my fanny wasn't going anywhere. This was my home and I was staying put.

 

"Well, if she comes back, I'm leaving" Hannah says.

 

And Mike explains if Hannah goes, he's going with her.

 

Another light went off in my head. This was my chance to get rid of both of them peaceably and get back the employed room mate, who had, until now, always been good on rent. She'd been a little short on cash this month, and had asked her parents to send a money order to the leasing office. It was entirely plausible they hadn't sent it, or that it had gotten lost in translation. It was also entirely possible that Kailey had THOUGHT rent had been paid. And I was feeling less and less keen on the two people I was left sharing a living space with.

 

So the following day, Kailey comes back, and we talk. She explains she'd just paid the rent, showed us the receipt, and she's not going anywhere. So I look to Hannah and Mike and ask if they are staying.

 

"Yes" they said.

 

And with that one word my entire gambit was destroyed. I was stuck with unemployed and his unemployed squatter.

 

Things have calmed down. Kailey has been putting money away, and we all apologized for jumping down her throat. But today has got me frazzled and thinking of doing something irrational.

 

I want to give Hannah an ultimatum. Go to the leasing office, get her name on the lease by the first, or she has 2 weeks to find somewhere else to live. If she hasn't left in two weeks, I will talk to the leasing office and hand her an eviction notice.

 

I know that by doing this I will severely damage my friendship with Mike. I've explained the situation to Gordon and his little brother, and they understand and completely agree that Hannah needs to go. The petty drama was never this bad until she came along, and Mike was never this... well... unpleasant or difficult to be around.

 

But more than anything, she's not on the lease. She's had 2 months to fix this, and I have made my position on this clear: No Squatters.

 

Is there any other way to get them to leave? Any better solution to getting either her, or both of them out of my house? I'm going nuts over this and am at my wits end.

 

~WhiskeyJack

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is a very confusing story. I don't know all the legalities in the State where you live...but my suggestion is that once the lease is over you find a new place to live...on your own. Forget about having roommates. Your life will be so much more peaceful having a place to yourself.

[RedDress]

Well... I actually think you are making a big mistake by being so adament about the lease thing. What happens when someone is on the lease is that - yes - they have to pay rent... BUT... they are also entitled to stay there and you can't easily boot them out. You are jointly responsible but you also jointly have rights. Your plan to kick Kailey out? She actually didn't have to agree to that. You were at her mercy. She could have said "too bad" and stayed since she was on the lease.

 

I really think that your ex had the right plan. Only HE was on the lease. Everyone else were 'boarders' and he would have had the legal right to kick them out as he pleased. Especially if you can carry the rent yourself for a few months? Personally, I would feel best ONLY having my name on the lease and having the flexibility of choosing the roommates I want.

 

And what happens if Mike and Hannah break up?? That will be one ugly, legal mess.

 

I think they need to pay rent (you all do) - but I'd lay off the whole lease thing. You are simply upset/jaded about your past and that is leading you to make, in my opinion, bad decisions.

 

Another note - it's highly suspicious that ONE person being a few days late on ONE month (when the other 2/3 of the rent was being paid) would result in an eviction. Are you sure there is no history there of late payments (perhaps on Mike's behalf?). Again... if you were solely responsible, you could simply collect the rent and pay it yourself. Then you'd be FULLY aware of where you stood with the leasing office at all times.

 

My 2 cents.

[Kitten love]

You poor thing.. you've been through so much!

 

Shared living situations rarely seem to be straightforward or drama-free.

 

If Hannah is refusing to put herself on the lease I feel you have two options:

- take yourself off the lease and move, either alone or with others (though there may be some penalty for this)

- inform the real estate agent that there is now an additional tenant, and give her Hannahs number (this will not win you friends with Hannah or Mike), it then becaomes more the landlord's problem.

 

I feel the first option would suit you better however. Best of luck.

[WhiskeyJack]

Legally speaking, by not being on the lease, we can all be evicted for her. Legally speaking, if she is on the lease then if she doesn't come through with payments, it'll be her that goes to court.

 

Thankfully it all worked out peaceably. They can't find jobs and are planning to leave in the next week. So either way, Mike gets off my lease, and Hannah gets out of my house.