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Girl destroyed my life need help asap please any advice would be helpful....


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Okay where to start? About 8months ago I got involved with my fathers friends daughter. I was just out of a bad relationship and she too was just out of an abusive relationship of three years. When we first met I was very much single and really had no desire to seriously date because I truthfully was still hurt from my breakup from my ex; however this girl was very persistent and very attractive to say the least. I am young, 21 to be exact and am now in the worst state i have ever been in my life. From the beginning she was very eager to get serious which i wasnt comfortable with but honestly i was lonely at times so the extra company was comforting. I was living alone doing okay financially, full time college student and really had my life going in the right direction. Anyways, she was very persistent in moving in rather fast were talking after a few weeks of dating which i knew was a red flag but honestly i didnt think it would matter and i truly didnt like driving 45min to go see her all the time. Against my better judgement and friends advise I moved her in and everything was great.

 

We played house which was cool cause i never had a girlfriend live with me. sexually speaking we had an extremely healthy relationship and we genuinely had a great time together. She had a group of friends that i genuinely did not care for, they were scummy people in my eyes and were not the kind of people i would be around but i didnt mind cause they made her happy. I was working nights so often her girlfriend would stay over to keep her company while i was at work. This friend very quickly became a problem in our relationship. She didnt like me from the start, she was still friends with the ex and i could tell there was hatred there cause i made my girl happy. not to sound vain but i think she wanted me , she would even listen to us have sex by the door which was gross in my opinion. She was not attractive by all means and was a disgusting slob with no goals or life. Anyways, my girlfriend and i had been having unprotected sex and she wanted to get pregnant rather quickly which again should have been a warning sign but i just kinda went with the flow. Right before Christmas rolled around and she gave me the news that she was pregnant and i couldnt had been happier. I am catholic so was she so getting married and doing right by her was my main forcus after that. I got her parents blessing and proposed on xmas. Her friend ruined my proposal and i got a major dislike for her after that and didnt care if she was still friends with her but i didnt wanna see her or want her in my apt, i didnt trust her and could stomach her sight.

 

Anyway after xmas i wanted to go with her to the doc to get her proof of being prego to get everything going right. She was

kinda weird about it from the start and wanted to go with that said friend. this friend tried to get my girl to do drugs with her and drink (knowing she was prego) which was the last straw for me. I told her to make a decision between her or me and she got mad a left. She returned the next day and agreed that this frieend was a piece and that we needed to get our family going on the right step. I went and decided to buy our first home, it was a builder finance home two houses away from my parents and 5 min from hers which was better cause where we lived it was a distance from her home town and our parents. Anyway one night we were in bed and i woke up to her screaming, her male friend of childhood died and she took it really bad. HEr friends didnt like me and i knew if i went with her to the funeral there would be trouble so i told her if she needed me id be there for her but i knew she didnt want me to go so i gave her space. She became very angry and mean towards me and i knew she would start drinking and things soon cause she was depressed and all her druggie friends would want her to drink for this kids memorial. Well i told her we were going to the doc to get her checked out cause i wanted to know my child was okay and the pregnancy was going okay. it was confirmed she was preggo and she had gotten prego thanksgivng holiday. after the kid was put to rest she came home and told me that i never loved her that i only wanted her for sex and that she was leaving me and getting an abortion.

 

I freaked big time but moved her stuff to her parents and got my deposit back on the new house. I found out from her mother that she had been seeing the ex at her friend funeral and stuff and she wanted him back. Keep in mind im a nice guy too nice but this was the final straw. I caught up with the guy and beat the breaks off him, he knew we were engaged and she was preggo but still snaked around and everything. it didnt sit well with her and i emotionally couldnt take it anymore. I left to go back to my home state NJ WOOT WOOT LOL for about a week to clear my head and everything. While in nj she told me she wanted us to get back together and have our family so i left soon to be with her. I didnt cheat on her while i was there, trust me i am very popular there and know Many women but i couldnt. I came back to fl and we still werent getting along at all, everyday was a battle and i couldnt make her happy. We went to the next docs appointment and i found out we were having twins. She showed poor emotion and blamed me for eveything.

 

i got rid of the apt cause i couldnt stand the memories it drove me insane and i moved in with my parents until i figured out what to do about everything. things couldnt be repaired and it was obvious to me she wanted the other guy so i dint bother. the ex tried to have me jumped by four guys and would come around my papernts house looking for me. My father is very ill and i knew if i had a problem at the house it would cause him a heart attack( he has 14 stents pace maker defibulator the whole 9) so i knew me staying there was a bad idea. I wanted to be there for my kids but knew me being in fl was a bad idea till they were born cause i couldnt take teh situation anymore and couldnt keep my cool anymore. Knowing i was gonna be a father and didnt wanna go to jail i left and went to nj for a while. i tried to contact her several times but she changed her number and everything. her mother told me she was afraid of me cause of what i did to the ex( put em in the hospital) no im not proud but a man can only take so much and he threatened my life so f him. Anyway she said im not gonna be a part of my kids life so i said the hell with it and moved on i guess. while in nj i was sexually active again with a few partners but that was it i didnt want anything else and they knew it.

 

Anyway after three months in nj i knew i had made the wrong choice and if i had any chance of being in my kids life i would have to go back to fl and start over. well it hasnt been an easytask, been here two months living at my parents and cant find work. I quit school and financially im tapped, i cant even afford a lawyer for my kids. I cant get over what happened it haunts me i cant sleep, i cant date i hate women no im not gay just rather bitter and have no desire to get hurt again. Please i know my story is long and i was wrong for certain things i did but i caint get passed this. I want to be in my kids life in some form i wasnt raised to turn my back on them. they are due soon but there may be question if they are mine now cause i dont know if she ooled around in the beginning. she never motioned they werent but it seems odd after everything had happened. but i cant get over this, i dont want her back i hate her i wish her no harm but shes back with her ex lives with him no doubt sleeping with him and from what i hear they are engaged..... how do i get past this, i need to get my life back together... i feel worthless no job, broke and massively depressed... Please i need advise... Thank you in advance and god bless...

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theres alot more to the story but i figured it was long enough, also i should as i never was abusive to her and never treated her bad till everything had happened and even then i just let her know how i felt about her.... with choice words of course

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That is a terrible situation mate, i'm sorry to hear that she put you through that.

 

To be honestly I think she was bad bad bad news and I am so sorry that you have to have kids with her. Is there any chance of you getting full custody? To be honest it would be a very difficult case due to the nature of the violence and abuse internal to your relationship.

 

I don't know how you are going to continue to remain in her life but one thing I can tell you is to stop the violence. It almost sounds like you should be getting an AVO out against her rather than worrying about Custody right now.

 

I can't see how you will ever get along with her long term.

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Well to be honest I dont have the means right now to have a custody battle and i never went to the police no parties did so it would be hard to prove in any event.

The ex on the other hand she has a no contact order though. I just wanna be there for the kids if they are mine and become myself again. I feel like half the man i used to be and it rips me apart. I would try for full custody but i feel it would be hard without being established now plus not having the means to fully support them.... Thank you though for your response

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I don't think your a bad guy either. These situations just compound and get out of hands, trust me, i can really imagine that you feel like a few years ago you were just a normal guy (kid almost) and now your life has taken this horrible path.

 

My advise is that if she has a no contact order you abide by it. Unfortunately if that is the case you will need to wait until you have a means to use the legal system to gain visitation rights and or custody. The best thing right now you can do is to make yourself a model citizen. Get a full time job, a place to live and get your life in order. Start a relationship with a nice girl and build yourself the little safety net.

 

Your story is one of the most destructive i've read and I honestly feel for you. But right now doing anything with her is a bad idea.

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Thanks and I believe your right. I dont think i was clear before however that SHE had the no contact order with HIM ( she left him before because he beat her and put her in the hospital) i think thats kinda why i reacted how i did i feared he would do it again if he did it once. But i gotta get my life back together before all this i was a manager for a security company had a 3.75 gpa in college and was gonna be sponsored to attend the police academy and guaranteed a position with the sheriff dept... Kinda burnt my bridges in that and wanna get back into construction but your right i gotta stop feeling sorry for myself and be a man again and secure a future for myself and the kids... Thank you

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Obviously she had unfinished emotional (only emotional I hope) business for her ex, so she kind of used you as anesthetics for her pain. This woman is a mess, stay away from her. What you can do is firstly get some financial stability, request a DNA test to check out if the kids are YOUR kids (they may be not, sorry to say that) and if they are, then you have to fight for custody. It is dangerous to leave your kids with the violent partner of your ex, she will not be able to protect them, if he starts to beat them. Check in the internet how much legal support/advice you can get for free. Check with the Child Protection authorities what your rights of a father are. Good luck and chin up. It is hard but not the end of the world.

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