Is it abnormal to be single for 10yrs, no dating, no sex?

[DoubleRainbow]

I am 39, well placed,smart and attractive woman.People say that do not look more than 30 in age. I have two teenage kids.

The only guy I ever dated(and had sex with) was my husband who passed away 10 years ago.No flings or hookups at all, of any kind!( Our marriage was not that great, so its not that I miss him so much that I cannot think of replacing him ever)After that, I was busy putting my life together, emotionally & financially, I really worked very hard to achieve what I have now..I am doing very good,I am very happy with the life I have now.

Yea, I do miss the companionship sometimes, I don't have a shoulder to cry on, I don't have a partner to pamper me, care for me etc..But when I think about the cost this may come with( my freedom, giving explainations for every thing u do, other emotional harassment), I feel that I am better off the way I am. Also, for me I need to love someone to be able to have sex with him...All these one-night-stands or fwb...I do not validate and am complete disagreement with!

Some people around me keep telling me that I am abnormal...how come you survived without sex 10 years, that high time that you start going to some dating sites and try find a partner. (I do like someone, single and 40, at work, but probably he is not that into me)

I had been reading posts on ENA for the past few days and am so horrified to see how people get involved in sex (emotions too) and then the other does not know what he/she wants. I would be shattered if this were to happen to me.

I request input from you guys what you think about my situation. Thanks!!

[mouseno4]

I have been single for 10 years. By my own choice of course, but still.

 

I feel the same way as you in regards to sex. I doubt i could just do it with a girl just for kicks. I would have to feel something for her for it to happen. I am also against FWB and 'hookups', which is evident since i first came here. Sex without emotion is pointless.

 

Just because you are 39, does not mean dating has changed for you. Only if you want it to be changed.

[elcie]

I think it's wonderful that you are happy with your life as it is, and it is NOT abnormal for you to wait until you find someone you love before you have sex. You do not need a partner to be complete.

 

You are in a very strong situation in your life; you are happy being single, and if you did find someone to love.....well, that would just be the icing on your cake!!!!

 

Best wishes!

[vince0202]

I dont think your weird actually i think you sound like a good women. I would see if hes into you, there are signs.... Show him your interested and see what he does... maybe go on a date or with a group of co workers for drinks one night whatever have fun and see where it goes....

[Crazyaboutdogs]

We live in a very over-sexed society where thinking about sex and running out and having sex with anyone is today's norm. So if a person doesn't follow today's norms, people consider that person abnormal. There is nothing wrong with having a life that doesn't revolve around sex or a relationship..in fact, I think it is healthier...just look at the mindset of the people here on ENA who are so focused on sex that they can't seem to survive without it and go out and seek it any way they can get it. It becomes like a drug. There is nothing wrong with living your life the way you are. Many people who need a partner at all costs end up making big mistakes and staying in a bad relationship.

[trezz]

right with you on this one.

i divorced in 2005 and had not seen him for a few years before then so no sex here either.

for me everyone has to live by what they find acceptable-don't let other people influence you into a relationship just because that is their idea of what is good.

i usually find the people most desperate to get you into a relationship are the ones having trouble in theirs-seems to be a case of trying to convince themselves that a bad relationship is better then no relationship. then you or other happy singles coming along is seen as a threat so they try to get you into a relationship.

i don't like the idea of sex just for the sake of it but other people seem to find that ok so that is ok for them.

i also have children which takes up a lot of time and energy-i don't think i would have had enough energy for a relationship as well-again personal choice.

you certainly are not abnormal but the person who is putting that suggestion to you is either outright rude or threatened in some way by you being single and happy.

sounds like you have a healthy attuide and know whats good for you.

as long as you follow what you think best for your life you will do well.

[BriarRose]

I find it more common the older you get.

[Stay_home]

Sorry about your husband.

 

I do think that 10 years is a long time away from the dating scene, but based on the totality of the circumstances I don't find that abnormal. You've been through a lot. I don't blame you one bit for being extra cautious about who you give and share your body with. I wish a lot of women in my age bracket were less promiscious and had more self-awareness about some of the men that they give themselves to.

 

Dating is really difficult and at times it's very hard to meet someone on the same wave length. I honestly think my problem is that my expectations are so high right now that hardly anybody really has a chance to meet them. I see that sometimes in some of the situations I've come accross and I end up being disappointed with the end result. Then I'm wondering what happened and what went wrong. I'm twenty-seven but my mind is nothing like it and I sometimes forget that when I'm dealing with women in my age circle. It's like I expect them to be at a certain level or state of mind and that's really not fair to assess because everybody is different. I'm glad I'm discovering this now and not much later on. Similiar to you, I've never been into the One night stands and Friends with benefit deals. I want the real thing. When you want the real thing, it takes a little time to work into that and it doesn't just fall over night. I think that I've been perhaps expecting a little too much, too soon and so since this epiphany, apparently, I've gone back to the drawing board on dating. We all have to go there someday.

 

If you really like this guy at work I think you should at least try to see you two can grab a coffee or something one day. What really do you have to lose? It seems like you're ready to start dating again, so why not?

[nsomnia912]

Do you feel guilty?

[Yaz]

Nothing is normal and nothing is abnormal.

 

If it makes you feel better, I once went out with a guy who was almost 50 and the last time he had sex was before I lost my virginity. That was when he lost his virginity. He was a total loser, though - you don't sound that way. You sound like you have a life other than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and your situation. You're just scared, that's pretty normal.

 

Chin up! You're cool, baby

[miky077]

Yaz already said it nothing is normal or abnormal just do what you think is right or whatever floats your boat F**k what people think.

[wsim]

Well... I was single for the first 26 years of my life. Dated a girl for two months (though never was official) and things didn't work out. I've never been in a relationship before as of yet.

Unfortunately, people will automatically assume that something is seriously wrong with me based off the above. Chalk it up to not meeting the right people, bad luck, numerous rejections and other unfortunate failures. I've had a hard time finding available single women around my age that I'm attracted to. Pretty much all of the ones that I like are in relationships already.

 

It wasn't from a lack of trying. I never found the right person thus far or interest. After all, it is what it is. But you can't let things like this define you. Just have to keep at it. I live a normal, stable life and making a respectable living, but women still don't notice or take much interest in me. I've tried everything (asking friends to introduce me to people, going through networking/acquaintances, meeting new people, online dating), though I guess it isn't meant to be at this time. There are many great people who are single not by choice. In my opinion, things like this are hard to predict.

[LAYAAN]

There is nothing "normal" in today's world. If majority of population has it or does it, we tend to believe its "normal". I think its an incorrect term to use. We need to call it "most popular/commonly found" instead of "normal".

My point is do what you want to do, be happy with your life and forget the rest. If you don't want to be in a relationship, don't be in one. But if you want to be in a relationship, but are single because you are afraid of commitment or because you buy into "grass is greener" feeling, then yes... you need to look deeper into that. But if you know inside that you are single just because you are content being that way, you don't feel like anything is missing from your life... there is nothing wrong with it.