Injured Lion Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 She broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. We truly loved and cared for each other and we were so happy together. She was scared of commitment, she was scared that I might not be the one. I just don't understand why end something that is so good, so happy, so harmonious, so special.. Well, I got a text from her today. She said that she'll always care about me. What should I do about this text? I know that she really does care about me that's why I'm so stuck this whether to respond.. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I wouldn't write back. I got messages like that from my ex for a while too. All they are is as people describe them on here "bread crumbs". She is probably hurting and looking for attention. If you write back "ill always miss you too" or some junk all your doing is validating her. She probably won't come back and thats the sad fact to accept. When people are sick of a relationship enough to end it they rarely change their mind, but she is now your ex, so don't give her what she wants. Cliffs: Don't reply. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 But I know that my Ex does genuinely care about me. I know this for a fact, and I know for a fact that she really does mean what she said in her text. I know she's telling the truth that's why it's so hard not to text back... Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I had a read of your past threads and I can identify that one of the biggest issues you face is that you are too hung up on the concept of love. The fact that shes your soul mate, that you love her, you'll post romantic cliches about love and how right you two are for one another. Etc etc etc. To be honest, alot of girls see this sort of thing as un manly and desperate. Now i'm not saying to change who you are, you are probably a very nice guy and alot of chicks would be lucky to have you no doubt, but try and cut back on the lovey dovey stuff. Saying how you'll always care about her etc etc. Call my a cynic, but people rarely 'always care for someone'. Actually they rarely even mean it at the very time they say it. Humans say alot of things to manipulate the other persons emotion and care. So you'll be sitting at home thinking "aww, shes no longer with me, but she'll always care about me!" No. She doesn't. Within a few months she'll be off dating someone else with no concept of you in her head. And the last thing you want to do is prolong that final thought of you as being 'pathetic'. You sound like a cool guy with strong interests (i mean, what chick doesnt like guys who go bushwalking and stuff) so id focus your energy on being that person. If you stopped being that person in the relationship, than start again. After the pain dies down we all revert to our natural selves. Who we were without that person, and you'll often find that its a far cooler guy than the clingy "OMG We're soul mates" one inside the relationship. Good luck man, congrats on posting here before replying back to her garbage. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 But I know that my Ex does genuinely care about me. I know this for a fact, and I know for a fact that she really does mean what she said in her text. I know she's telling the truth that's why it's so hard not to text back... Yeah my Ex genuinelly cared about me too, for a few weeks until she found some other guy. She would always say how she wants to do right by me and all these amazing things. blah blah blah. You must understand actions and words need to correlate for them to be true. If she cares about you so much she'll be with you, until she makes that choice in her life than its time to stop caring what she thinks. Why make her feel better? She has left you. Link to comment
DN Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Yes, you should reply - with a simple "thanks" and nothing else. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 But I know that my Ex does genuinely care about me. I know this for a fact, and I know for a fact that she really does mean what she said in her text. I know she's telling the truth that's why it's so hard not to text back... She could CARE about you, but what does it mean within the concept of getting back together? Nothing. She can CARE about you till the cows come home, but until and unless she wants to be WITH you in a relationship, it really doesn't mean anything. Either text back "thanks" or tell her that because you two are not in a relationship anymore so you would appreciate her telling you that because it stops you from moving on, or don't text back at all. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Call my a cynic, but people rarely 'always care for someone'. Actually they rarely even mean it at the very time they say it. Humans say alot of things to manipulate the other persons emotion and care. So you'll be sitting at home thinking "aww, shes no longer with me, but she'll always care about me!" No. She doesn't. It's not cynical. It's realistic. OP - When someone says "we will always be together" or "I will always care for you" you must remember they are only speaking for themselves within that moment. That's how they felt THEN but someone that truly "cares" for you and someone that will want to always be with you - they will make it happen! It really doesn't get anymore complicated than that, as much as dumpees like to make it seem really really super duper complicated that we just don't understand the full story or what the dumper said or is saying. PS you're doing so great, mtom. Link to comment
irishgerry Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 My ex did the same thing last week, missing you doesnt mean wanting to get back together. if you must text her back i would say "thanks but unless you think there is a chance for our relationship id appreciate if yuou dont contact me" you'll find out fairly swiftly what she wants then. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Thanks everyone. Ya the truth hurts that even though if I text her back, it still won't bring her back into my arms. Wow it's been at least 2 hours since I started the thread. Feels like eternity. Hope I make it through the night. Link to comment
Maverick1984 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 It is a very bitter pill to swallow, and i feel your pain. I've forever wondered what women wanted whenever i entered a relationship which confused me because all the things i thought i was doing right (Always being there, showing my feelings, making her happy etc) were all wrong and going against my natural masculine qualities - I realised i wasn't being a MAN... All the things we're told to do by the media is completely wrong. Love for a man doesn't really flow in the same way as a woman's does - A man's true purpose in life is of his utmost importance and his love for his woman second. The minute i grasped this concept, it was then that i realised where i was going wrong because as soon as i focused on myself and my personal goals, i became far more attractive. Suddenly, women i met started calling me and inviting me to hang out and depending on how busy i was, either accepted their offer or declined. If i could give you some words of wisdom based on my experience, it would be this - 1) Find your life's purpose and make that your main priority. 2) Don't chase women but if one bumps into you along your path, don't be afraid to approach and strike up a conversation. Some will like you, others won't. But the important thing is, you're doing all of this while on your path. 3) Always stay on your path, even in a relationship. If you decide to do something, make a decision and do it without asking for anyone's permission. You're a man so making decisions and staying true to your word should come natural. You'll feel yourself getting stronger and more in tune to your masculinity when you do this trust me. Do the things you want to do, even if she disagrees or puts up a tantrum, if she's right for you she will follow you. If not, there are always other girls you will meet along your path 4) Allow your woman to love you, but don't get too consumed by their love or let it divert your path. Be the rock that they lean on for comfort and security so that every time they're with you, they're constantly reminded that they have a true man in their life that will be there to take care of them. 5) Never give women 100% assurance that they can't ever lose you. If you do the things above, you'll demonstrate this naturally and show them that you're independent and secure enough to walk away and that your happiness in life doesn't depend on them. Do these things and i can guarantee you, your dating/relationship life will become much more fulfilling. Link to comment
LP90 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Very well said Maverick1984, Now that i broke up with my gf, i realize that SO much. I did the exact opposite and thought it would help, only now do i see how much it drove her away instead. Definitely dont let a relationship derail your thoughts and goals. If she likes you for you and your goals, then she is right for you, not just because she says she loves you. Stay strong for yourself before anyone else. Link to comment
Maverick1984 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Thanks LP90, It really does make a lot of sense. Women generally test you on these things to see if they can steer you away from your path and most men fail to recognise it. I've had women tell me how they hate the music i listen to, and listening to it anyway while she's in the car with me I've had other women tell me how rubbish my car is, and telling them how much i love my car and not willing to change it anytime soon. I've even had women tell me they never want to speak to me again and be cool with it. Only to come back a few days later lol! I'm not suggesting never to listen to women. Listen to them, but listen in a different way. Watch and be conscious of their actions and respond accordingly. The best thing you can ever do is to not ask her if she's ok and to simply take action and change the way she's feeling. Women generally never tell a guy what's wrong and expect him to figure all of it out for himself. That's why most guys never see a breakup coming. Always be conscious whenever you're with them. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Wow that's some really great advice Maverick. I'm also one of the guys who failed to realized this. Seems like I have things to work on! Gotta MAN UP! Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 It's not cynical. It's realistic. OP - When someone says "we will always be together" or "I will always care for you" you must remember they are only speaking for themselves within that moment. That's how they felt THEN but someone that truly "cares" for you and someone that will want to always be with you - they will make it happen! It really doesn't get anymore complicated than that, as much as dumpees like to make it seem really really super duper complicated that we just don't understand the full story or what the dumper said or is saying. PS you're doing so great, mtom. I can thankyou for that. I was carrying on like so many other people here those first few weeks and made all the mistakes. You pretty much grabbed my by the scuff of the neck and made me see sense. There is so many stupid things I could have done in those first few weeks (particularly when I found out about her seeing the other guy) that i'm glad I didn't. I'm fine now. I see the whole relationship as a mistake and the constant fighting down to incompatibility. It's all good Once again, thankyou. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 This needs to be a relationship sticky. While its ok to make decisions together you should have your focus rather than making her your focus. Its the mistake I have made many times before and won't again. Link to comment
Maverick1984 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 It happens to the best of us mate, and nothing to be ashamed of. I've made the same mistakes countless times before it finally sunk in. Sometimes, no matter how much you hear this advice from others, the best way you can ever learn is by seeing it at first hand and learning from experience. Life is the best teacher as they say Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Oh boy....reading this thread made me realise that I was guilty of so many things....hell I think we all are at some point.....maybe its the fact we want to go out of our way to show that person they are our life....but I agree if you think about it...it really does give up all your control over things Link to comment
Maverick1984 Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Oh boy....reading this thread made me realise that I was guilty of so many things....hell I think we all are at some point.....maybe its the fact we want to go out of our way to show that person they are our life....but I agree if you think about it...it really does give up all your control over things Its actually more than that... Being in a relationship has made me realise one key thing - That a person's love has got nothing to do with you personally. They love you because it makes 'them' feel good. It's all ego based which is why most of the time the minute one person feels they have complete control over the relationship and the other person, they instantly lose interest. Looking at this in an ideal world, it doesn't make any sense because surely a person who loves someone would appreciate reciprocal love and 100% focus. But it really doesn't work that way. Very rarely have i seen a couple love eachother unconditionally. It's only worked because the 2 of them have kept a level of uncertainty in their relationship which caused both of them to consistently invest and put the work in due to their ego not being 100% fulfilled and constantly seeking approval and validation. That's why i've come to the conclusion that romantic love doesn't exist. The only love that is unconditional is the love you give to yourself and from your immediate family. I have 2 female friends who recently broke up with their boyfriends, only to get back with them a few months later... Why? Because their exes clearly demonstrated that they can live their lives happily without them which made my friends want to go back to them. Simply, their egos riled up which made them pursue their exes again. Understanding this, you start to see how love doesn't exist. People mistake it for love but it isn't. That's why some people end up saying stuff like "If they love you, they will make contact" - No they won't! I can almost guarantee that had their ex boyfriends became needy or desperate, It probably would have given them enough validation to warrant moving on and finding someone who was more of a challenge. Unless you do something that makes makes them seek validation (Like not contacting them), then there's absolutely no reason for your ex to want to come back. Romantic Love doesn't exist and is a made up concept that was given to us by the media. Link to comment
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