hattie Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Hi, Im looking for some advice how i can get through to my boyfriend, or even make him understand slightly. I recently built my first home. Things are tight with money, but that was to be expected. Because i bought a house, my partner (of 2 years), thinks im rich. He thinks i have money to burn and i can buy what ever i like. He doesn't seem to understand that, all my money was put into the house! I dont physically have that money. He complains that he things to pay (car stuff etc) and thinks it compares. I have a bucket load of other expenses that come with owning a house. But he doesn't seem to get it. Maybe im telling him wrong. Quite often he goes "oh you can afford that but you can't afford this"? And he's compairing me buying a few groceries for $10 to spending $30 to go to the movies. Is there any way i can get him to understand? I know it might be a long shot!
hattie Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 I really dont know. He just thinks i am made of money for some reason. Im suprised how often it comes up actually. Maybe because he hasn't lived out of home he doesn't understand? He pays his way, but i often can't afford it. He thinks because i can afford to buy food and petrol he doesn't think i need a house mate because i have enough money.
Hollyj Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Sounds like he needs to grow up and get out on his own, then he will understand.
hattie Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 Sounds like he needs to grow up and get out on his own, then he will understand. Maybe!! Its been a learning curve for me (first time out of home) but its worth it.
mouseno4 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I get the distinct impression he is intimidated by your possessions. There are some men who believe they should have more money and assets than their girls. Its an archaic belief but one that some guys perpetuate.
ferna3069 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 wow this sounds alot like my ex. well not about the house thing but she thought i was made out of money, firt of he needs to pay his own thing, dont pay for him. it doesnt matter if you are rich, u can be a million air but it doesnt mean you need to give him one dime, its nice to take some one out once in a while but to pay for his bills, well as i said his bills not yours. thats the thing he needs to do
DN Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 He pays his way, but i often can't afford it. Do you pay your way on dates?
catfeeder Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Whatever you do, don't allow him to live with you until he's spent enough time out on his own. Otherwise, this not only won't get better, it will nosedive. Why is money even an issue between you? Does he expect you to do expensive things that you can't afford? If so, negotiate that you'll only treat one another to the things each can afford to treat. If that means you make him home cooked meals or take him on picnics, then that's what you offer him. If he wants to take you out for a movie, then he can treat for that. If he doesn't like the limits of this, then ask him to come up with a better idea--but stand firm that policing your budget is not an option.
yikeshelpme Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Maybe because he hasn't lived out of home he doesn't understand? there's your problem, i say that a person hasn't really experienced life until they move out of home.
mouseno4 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I left home at 17. Wow 13 years ago i have lived on my own. Now i suddenly feel ... older.
oldenoughtoknow Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 At first, I was thinking to ask, after 2 years, do you guys discuss your personal finances. If you can show him that you make $X, and the house and utilities cost you $X, and groceries and gas and insurance, etc. cost you $X, you only have $X left for movies, etc., it should open his eyes. But, if he's never lived on his own before, I wouldn't be surprised if his attitude didn't persist. Good luck.
hattie Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Thanks for the replies. Do you pay your way on dates? Yes. He is sweet and does offer to pay for me as most times i tell him i can't afford it. But i dont like him paying for me. I can't offer him the same and pay for him next time. At first, I was thinking to ask, after 2 years, do you guys discuss your personal finances. If you can show him that you make $X, and the house and utilities cost you $X, and groceries and gas and insurance, etc. cost you $X, you only have $X left for movies, etc., it should open his eyes. But, if he's never lived on his own before, I wouldn't be surprised if his attitude didn't persist. Good luck. I did that actually, he asked what the mortages were and what i have left etc and because i can afford the mortages, bills and food he thinks im doing fine and i dont need to get a house mate. If i get a house mate it allows me to save even more and it helps out a friend too. Its not going to be forever! but because i have a house he thinks im rich. Having a house doesn't mean that. Before i'd spend my money on movies and other stuff but my priorities have changed. Yeah, still lives at home with his parents. He comes over a few times to stay during the week. I feel like im forever cleaning up after him... !
DN Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Try this - draw all of your month's or weeks's paycheque out in cash. Lay it out on the table when he is there and then start deducting the amount you have to pay for the mortgage, insurance, utitlities, food etc. Then show hi what is left over. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words.
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