Strange behavior from professor?

[windydays2323]

I just need some advice on whether the following situation is normal or not. I just graduated from college. I had one professor three times and we got along well. I did very well in his classes and he would always tell me how proud he was of my accomplishments and how honored he was to have had me as a student. The last time I had his class was the semester before I graduated. I then asked him for letters of recommendation and he said he was honored to write them for me.

 

A little background information. After I had him the first time he tried helping me out and getting me a job where he works full time, but it didn't end up working out. During that time, however, we exchanged numbers and would talk on the phone about school and the job but that all ended after the situation didn't work out at his job. Last semester he asked for my number again to sort out details about a project we were working on together outside of class but still for the college. We spoke once on the phone concerning that. Also, during that semester, he came up to me during a class break and whispered to me that one of his coworkers (that I apparently met 2 years prior when I went to his job for an interview, although I do not remember meeting or seeing this particular person) told him to tell me I was beautiful. To me this meant that he must have told this person that I was in his class again. I found it odd that he would relay that message to me, especially in class, because he told me once that a professor should never comment on a student's appearance. Even though it wasn't directly his own comment, I don't think I would relay such a message if I were in his position, but I could be wrong. For all classes I have had him for, he always gave back essays at the end of class and you could leave after you received yours. He always gave me back mine last and then would stay and talk to me or talk as we walked to our cars (he would say he needed help carrying something) and once we spoke outside for 2 hours.

 

Fast forward and he took quite awhile getting my letters of reference to me and then one day called me to read me the letter he was going to send. I then needed him to fill out forms and he asked me to text him with times I was free to give them to him. Once I texted him about that he then began having conversations with me through text (all after our class ended but before graduation) about school, class, our own work stresses, etc. Then out of nowhere he stopped and wouldn't respond even when I needed something (like another letter he promised but never delivered). Then after graduating he started texting me again. Our conversations would always begin after 9pm and sometimes go until 2am. He once made reference to how he was no longer my professor and how once grades were submitted the student-teacher relationship was over. Then he'll switch and comment on how hes getting older. He's never outright said anything completely inappropriate, so I don't know how to take this situation. He is currently in his "no contact" phase with me which he goes through and then he'll start texting me again. Does all of this sound like he's interested? If so, why go through periods of ignoring me when I send important school related emails/texts (he never ever responds to my emails, IF he responds it's through text but he has ignored my text on a very important graduate school question)? I only ever contact him out of absolute necessity and correspondence on my behalf is always very formal, whereas his is more relaxed using text talk.I know he's not married, so part of me thinks he just wants someone to talk to, but then sometimes I get the feeling it's more. Any ideas? Thanks in advance.

[ForumGuy]

Sounds like he is interested in you apart from school and has been "toeing the line" while you are in school. The no contact stuff may be him seeing if he can manipulate you in certain ways by seeing if, and how, you will respond to certain things he does or says. You sound rock solid though.

[Hollyj]

Can't you contact someone else through the school with these questions, I wouldn't think he were your only resource?

It sounds like he may be playing some control games with you, as he no longer has the authority as a professor. If this is the case then he is quite manipulative and should be avoided.

Are you interested in this guy?

[Yaz]

I would avoid it. He sounds wrong.

[windydays2323]

My school is very small and my resources are limited. He is the person that best knows my situation. I haven't been constantly reaching out to him, I did that one time figuring we spoke anyway, but when he didn't respond I let it go. I do still need my letter, and yes it needs to be from him due to very strict guidelines given for the letter otherwise I would have just chosen someone else. I am not interested. I just have never been in this situation and was wondering what others thought.

[mhowe]

Not to use an over used word, but creepy comes to mind. He sounds like he's trying to create a relationship with you, and only has the courage to really go at it in the 9pm-2am time frame because alcohol is involved. You seem to be handling it rock solid as mentioned above.

 

I would set a time frame with him telling him when you're showing up to get the paperwork. If when you go, it's not ready, get a firm commitment from him when it will be. He's kinda holding you hostage, and has definitely stepped over the prof/student line.

[abitbroken]

I would stop conversing with him at 9 pm to 2 am unless you are interested, because you are being perceived as interested by doing so. be busy. Keep the convos brief - and also get your letters of rec and then stop taking his texts. I would say that his comments about "not being a professor any longer" and "getting older" are a sign of interest. I think, like I say, you have to be careful and not return his interest so much. You did give him the green light by talking til 2.

[windydays2323]

I understand that I may have sent mixed signals by responding so late at night/early morning, but at the time I thought if I stopped responding I would never get my paperwork. Clearly, I was wrong because I didn't get the paperwork anyway. I don't like to jump to conclusions and I didn't want to assume the worst. Since this never happened to me I didn't know the appropriate transition from professor to "friend" or "acquaintance" I suppose. I know some people do become friends of some sort after graduating, but since I had never been in that position I was confused. I knew something felt off, and as soon as I deduced as much I stopped responding at those hours. I tried setting up a time to meet to get the paperwork and on the day we agreed to meet he texted me asking to reschedule, I gave another date and he had an excuse for then as well. I don't understand his contradictory behavior. One would imagine if his texting and comments make it seem as if he's interested then he would jump at the chance of meeting with me, even if it was just for paperwork. However, someone pointed out to me that perhaps he feels if he meets with me and gives me the paperwork then our communication (on my part) would be over, which it would be, because I wouldn't need anything anymore.