Reconnecting?

[spanks]

It was the summer of '08 when I started dating M. He and I dated for 8 months. During that time, T pursued me very persistently. He told me everything I wanted to hear. He promised me the world. He was openly affectionate while M was shy, but sweet. M and I had a good relationship and never argued. But in the end I left him for T. I tried to make it easier on him... But in the end I just ended up stringing him along and breaking his heart. I have always truly and deeply regretted it. T and I dated for two years. He was emotionally and at times physically abusive. I should have seen the warning signs from the start. I was well and truly miserably, and not myself, the entire time we were together. T made me believe I was crazy and that no one else would ever want me. He broke up with me in February of this year (which is why I joined this site!), and I've been working on getting myself back. T is not part of my life in any way. I am finally happy and confident again...

 

Anyways, when I first started dating T, M went no contact with me. But we have the same friend group and we eventually became quasi-friends again. We would exchange texts once or twice a month-generally inside jokes from when we were together and small talk about our lives. I always questioned whether or not I made the right decision, especially when T and I argued (which was often). I remember one time T and I were arguing and I got a text. I knew it was from M because it was his ringtone... T told me to read it and I did. It was one of our inside jokes and I automatically smiled. T went into a rage about how M could make me happy when he couldn't... In a way it was true. Every night when I was trying to fall asleep I would think of M and not T, though I never would admit it because I felt like I had to stand by my decision after all the pain and drama it caused (which I am definitely not proud of.)

 

Now that T and I are not together, M has been contacting me more. I wasn't sure why he was doing it at first... But he brought it up to one of my good friends and he said that he wants to talk to me because I am his "weakness." He also said that when he opens his phone to talk to someone he is drawn to text me. We talk about every other day now, with each of us initiating half of the conversations. He asked if I was at a town festival one night (presumably so that if I was there we could meet up.) Unfortunately I wasn't. We hung out last night with a group of people and it was fun. Not awkward at all. I still have very strong feelings for him. I always have and knew I always would.

 

The thing is, I don't know where to go from here. I love talking to him. And I know what he has told other people... But I feel like I have no right to talk to him or ask him to hang out after what I did with him. At the same time, I know if I don't contact him or anything than he won't know that I'm interested... And I can't expect him to put himself out there if I don't show I'm interested. My friends keep telling me just to ask him to hang out, keep it platonic, and see where it goes, but I'm not sure if that is the right thing to do. Any advice?

[DN]

I think you should ask him to talk, aologise for what you did, tell him you made a mistake and ask him if he would like to try again.

[spanks]

I really want to... I'm just really scared. He has every right to reject me, and so I'm scared to even try.

[DN]

Of course there is a chance of rejection. But if you don't try you will never know if he might have accepted. Do you want to wonder if he would have for the rest of your life?

[spanks]

No. I don't really want to live with that. I think I will ask him to hang out and then talk to him about everything while we are together. I think he will accept the invitation to hang out. And I'm almost positive that when we do the past will come up in conversation.

[DN]

Don't be afraid to bring it up, you don't want to lose the opportunity.

[Lavender25]

I think you should say something. You'll regret it if you don't.

 

A perfect example that a dumper doesn't always just come out and say that they want the dumpee back. At least not without testing the waters and without fear or rejection.

[spanks]

Update: I told him I'd be interested in dating him again. I don't think he took it seriously though because he made a joke about how I can't resist him. And that's probably for the best given that we both leave for different colleges in less than a month. We talk about every other day. I asked him to hang out and we did. It was a lot of fun... Not awkward at all! We went mini-golfing and then he asked me where I wanted to go and I told him to choose... So he drove to the beach and he took out a blanket and we talked and looked at the stars. And then he took he home and hugged me and kissed me. Twice. I saw him the next night at a birthday party and it was fun, but I was super tired from a 5k that morning so we didn't talk that much. Then we didn't see each other or talk to each other for four days. He had plans with other friends, and I didn't want to bother him... But not talking to him for so long made me think I did something wrong or he was uninterested now. I know space is healthy, by it's frustrating not understanding what he's thinking. I saw him last night at a friend's bonfire and it was fun... We were both flirty, but not overly so... I didn't know what was appropriate for a group setting.

 

Anyways, sorry for the play by play, but where do I go from here? Do I ask him about the kiss? It seems like he's really unsure of everything.