Is it me?

[Megan2208]

My boyfriend and I have been together for close to 3 years. The first 2 years were on and off but we got back together last August and things have been great since. The only problem I have is our sex life (or lack of). We used to have sex at least 4 times a week and when we weren't together he would send me dirty messages and pictures. He made me feel desired and sexy. But now I'm lucky if we have sex once a week. I get no dirty messages or pictures. If I try to initiate sex he says he's tired. If I send him a dirty text he will reply with something totally non sexual. The sex we used to have was exciting and rough but now it's 'nice' and predictable. I've tried changing things but he isn't in to it. I have tried talking to him about it but he just says he has a low sex drive now. I can't help but feel that he just doesn't want me anymore. I feel like sex is a chore to him. He is attentive in every other way and very loving. It has also crossed my mind that being as he isn't getting this excitement with me, is he getting it from other girls? He keeps saying I can't make him want sex more than he does. I am at a loss. I just don't know what to do. It's getting to the point where I'm scared to initiate anything or spice things up because most of the time he says he's tired or not tonight love and I'm left feeling unwanted and rejected. Please give me some advice. Am I being terribly selfish by trying to recapture some of the excitement? By wanting to feel desired by the man I love?

 

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[tresqua]

Your concerns are all perfectly reasonable.

[faithful14]

Is there anything troublesome in his life right now? Working a lot? Taking meds? Sometimes these things can kill a person's sex drive?

 

Is there any other reason that makes you suspect he could be getting it from other girls?

[mouseno4]

Ive never been able to work that kind of thing out. For one, how do you lose your sex drive, and two, how can you keep doing it 3-4 times a week, every week/month/year non stop.

 

I honestly dont know what to say, but if i did it that much, i can see myself getting bored of it pretty quick. I mean penetrative sex, not foreplay as there is no 'rules' to foreplay.

[Megan2208]

Is there anything troublesome in his life right now? Working a lot? Taking meds? Sometimes these things can kill a person's sex drive?

 

Is there any other reason that makes you suspect he could be getting it from other girls?

 

He is working 11 hours a day Monday to Friday at the moment. We only see each other at weekends. And he doesn't take meds but he takes alot of other tablets, vitamins, hayfever, protein, caffeine; and several others, daily.

 

When we were first together he cheated quite a lot and I was always finding photos or dirty texts from other girls on his phone and when he was with other girls he was still sleeping with me. So I can't help but think maybe he hasn't changed after all, maybe he has just learned to hide it better.

[Jd1983]

Given when you said about the history of the relationship, I wouldn't doubt that he could be getting it elsewhere.

 

I don't think the other tablets would really affect his sex life to this extreme to be honest.

 

I know that sometimes sex declines when a couple has been together for quite some time. Was his work schedule always like this? Perhaps, the change in schedules may be taking a toll on his sex life?

 

In either case, I think it's best that you voice your concerns to him.