6 years of lies. 6 years of acceptance.

[TheArtist]

I know some of you won't accept this and others may be able to relate. I came accross this site as I was browsing other peoples stories about faking an identity online.

 

I'm posting here because I have been faking as a different person on online sites for 6 years now. I have gone through 2 persona's in my 6 years. One which I have abandoned back when I was in the 6th grade, the other which I am still currently "playing" as. Both of my persona's are men and bisexual, though I am straight and a girl. Over my years of faking I have made a fake MSN account, fake pictures, fake personality and a fake life.

 

As this other person I am playing, I talk to 2 very important people. 1 which I am currently online dating and 1 which I am very good friends with.

The man I am online dating is a very sensitive gentleman with a heart of gold. All he wants to do in life is benefit other people by putting himself out there. He's fallen in love with "me" and I have fallen in love with him. I have considered telling him that I am not who I say I am, but knowing how fragile he is, I think the truth would be the worst possible choice. I am not normally a cold and heartless person, nor do I think I am one. I love helping these 2 people with their personal problems and try to encourage them to fulfill their goals and dreams.

 

Lately I have been trying to tell myself outloud that I have a problem and have been trying to not sign on MSN to talk to them, but boredom comes and I talk to them. Over the past years the amount of time spent talking to them has gone down, but not down enough that I've stopped faking. I have wireless Internet and an iPod touch so I am ALWAYS able to access MSN at my house. I sign on when I'm just doing random things around my house, then while I attend scool I sign on my Mobile MSN to chat with them more.

 

I know I have a problem and I know I need help.. But I care and love these 2 people so much, and I know they feel the same way for this "me."

[CatsMeeoow]

Everyone has their fantasies and at times like pretending to be someone else but this certainly is an extreme because the people you are interacting with have no idea that you are not who you say you are. This leads to people feeling hurt, rejected, gullible... not good feelings.

 

This is nothing new in this world... thousands of people mislead people everyday but in this era its easier to do more than ever because the internet allows some sense anominity and going even further in the guise. There are many people out there not telling the truth in who they are... misleading them into thinking they are better/wealthier than they are to get to the others financial assests or what not... fool them into marriage... etc.

 

You do not love these people any more than you think they love you.

 

You feel guilt... as you should.

 

You've developed some type of obsessive compulsive tendency to leading others to believe what you want them too. You can't stay away from it no matter how much you claim to want to is an indication of an addition. You will need to seek the help of an addiction specialist who is going to tell you to cut the wifi and give up all devices which allow you to fuel your addiction. You will then need to learn more healthy personal habits to fill the void your addiction once did. You are hurting yourself if you continue this behavior.

 

Good Luck

[mhowe]

These people don't know you or love you --- they don't have a clue as to who you really are. If you care for them at all, and I don't really think you're capable of a true emotion, then you need to walk away from them. If you disappear from their lives, they will be sad for a while. If you tell them the truth, they will be crushed.

[Mustachio]

The problem is that this "you" only exists in your head. These two fellows have unfortunately become emotionally involved with a phantom of your imagination and I feel bad for them.

 

As CatsMeeoow said, you should feel guilt, and I think it shows that you are still capable of doing the right thing, but knowing exactly what is right or how to handle it is going to be tough.

 

I dont think there is anything wrong with having an online persona... until others start getting emotionally involved. So please consider this for the future.

 

And in terms of the two current guys, I dont know if you should straight up tell them the truth, but for their sake you should end these online relationships. Your last line worries me though, you say you care, but please dont be selfish when it comes to other peoples emotions.

 

*also, this smells like the possibility of troll... not saying thats the case, but I have my guard up with this thread

[Moontiger]

Agree with both Cats and howe. If these people don't know YOU then any emotions are false.

 

Woman up and cut contact with them. I also recommend seeing a therapist to unravel why you felt the need to no just take on a persona but to drag others into it. Its one thing to just play around online and live a fantasy, it is WAY different to involve innocent third parties and toy with emotions like this.

 

I myself am in therapy and its the best decision I have ever made so my recommendation is not an insult but something I honestly think you need.

[lavenderdove]

OK, one other thing you need to consider... if you have been doing this for 6 years and say you abandoned one of these personas in the 6th grade, that must mean you are an underage girl. These poor men could get arrested in an online sting looking for grown men who are conversing with underage children. They think you're an adult, but you're not, and could get them in incredible trouble for doing this.

 

Please stop this now. It is wrong on so many levels. If you can't stop on your own, please talk to a counselor to help you address why you aren't happy just being you. And you're being totally unfair to some nice men you claim to care about, but you are lying to them and betraying them, and could get them into deep trouble. You owe it to them to send them a final email explaining the truth, then cut contact with them. This is really unhealthy for both you and them.