is it just about his job?

[whattodoabout]

so ive been seeing my boyfriend for 2 months, things well going great . We had real good communication,he was very clear with all his communication and was quick to talk to me if he felt i was not committted to the relationship ,he is a very sensitve type of man. he was upfront about his goal wanting to have a family , wanting to make me happy etc etc. Things were going very fast but he was so stable and ready and communicative....but now we have hit a funk. We had a little argument before i went on holidays but quickly resolved it and we got intimate before i left .That was after about 6 weeks.We were in contact every day while i was away and he was talking about future , etc etc.

 

When i got back from holidays i said id like to get to know each other better before continuing to be physically intimate. I also felt we were not at that stage yet. Things continued to be good, he came helped me with my garden, fixed things in house. One day he helped me do alot of things in the house and i was tired in the evening so i didnt go back to his place that evening.

 

The next day i got an email from him talking about how he was hurt by the fact i did not want to go back to his place after he had helped me all day,that he found it selfish.He told me he was not happy i had stepped back from intimacy, and another point about how important house cleanliness was for him for when we have children and that he found me to be quite messy. I replied appreciating he had taken the time to write about his feelings and gave my view on the subjects he brought up and wrote about a few of my own. i rang him to say id love to see him and talk about this. I got another email back then saying he was in a difficult period at the moment. his mother is dying , he took time off work to help her for 6 months and is now actively looking for a job again. His father is sad and a few other problems he is having and how he hates not working.

 

he passed by my place that week as i was sick, but i had gone out and he put some flowers on the door. I sent a message to him to say that i was out and had missed him passing by.

 

Next weekend i called and said i missed him and would love to see him. he called back in the evening , i returned the call later, he said he was feeling very nervous about the job situation and he had 2 interviews that week so he was happy about that.

 

That week he called and told me about the job interview and how it went really well. I told him it was great and that any firm would be happy to get him as a worker.That the initiative he was showing by contacting 40 companies was amazing.

We then had a talk and i said i had missed him and talked a little about the situation and the uncertainty about the points he had made. He said that he was nervous without the job and he could only focus on that for now before thinking about loving feelings.That it was not a question of space. That the points he made were for me and that if we lived together some day and when we have kids these factors are important. He asked me if i would like to do something with him and his friend on saturday. I said that sounded great. On friday he sent a txt to cancel the plan as his father needed his help on the saturday, and told me about another interview he had and that it went well, and he said we could check about sunday.

 

Sunday i replied back saying it was great about the job interview and id keep my fingers crossed and lets catch up soon.

 

That was a week ago and ive had no news since.Ive been keeping my own life full but i dont know how to handle this.

 

Ughh.. Do i send messages of support? suggest something fun to do together? call and really listen to what he has to say. Be vunerable and tell him i feel sad about this situation and dont know what to do and ask how i can support him, Do nothing. Let him know i find this behaviour unacceptable ?

[Jd1983]

Honestly, I do find it odd that this is your bf, and he hasn't contacted you for a whole week.

 

You've only been with him for 2 months, and it seems as though there are already a lot of issues within the relationship.

 

Personally I would get ahold of him and see what's going on. If he's feeling uncertain about the relationship, then you should at least have a right to know about it.

[arwen]

I think that the relationship is/was moving far too fast, to be honest. At 2 months, he's already telling you to be more tidy because of kids in the future? I think that moving too fast can certainly create this sort of moment when you realize the relationship still needs to be built and that moving on in the same pace may destroy the potential that it has. His silence is not the best sign of course, and leaves you uncertain about the whole situation. If I were you, I'd want to know what he thought and ask him upfront. If it's over in his eyes, then at least you know and you can move on. I wouldn't keep on sending messages of support. To me it seems that he uses his situation (job-looking, family circumstances) as an excuse to not communicate, and you'd be just feeding that kind of behavior towards you - behavior that is unacceptable for you. I'd contact him and ask straight away what he's at. Yes, that makes you more vulnerable because he can state it's over, but I think on the whole it's the 'strongest' thing to do, and it will re-empower you.

[tattoobunnie]

Wow...talk about a Type A personality...ahaha...unless you're into a growing situation where he bosses you around...I'd run for the hills! You both don't know each other, and he wants to procreate already? I'd get to know if he'd even qualify as a solid partner first. Granted, anyone who tries to treat you like a child, cleaning up for you, then telling you you weren't good enough to do it yourself, and then gets mad at you for not validating and rewarding him right away for helping you...yikes...then instead of communicating with you and making you, the future baby-maker in his life a priority, he ignores you all week.

 

RUN! Run!