Fitzy12 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Hello! I was wondering if anyone had advice on how to properly handle an ex's rebound in order to one day reconcile with them. We had been dating for a year and a half and within a couple of days things changed. I was feeling stressed out from college and I wanted a minor break from my ex. Since he was the more emotional partner, he kept hounding me and fought the minor break I had asked for. After two days, I ended up breaking it off with him in order to get the point of a break accross. It was not a thought out process and there was much miscommunication on my behalf. We did not talk for about 3 days. On the third day, he started talking to some girl he added on a social network in which she knew him from around town but he couldn't remember her. Instantly they began dating on the day they started talking. I made the common mistakes of trying to call him and see him in person. He would not pick up the phone or even tell me in person which I think he was avoiding me in order to not cave in. Once, he told me that he was taken and had moved on, I started no contact instantly. I'm worried because it has been 2 and a half months with no contact from either end. The girl he is dating now is still in highschool and he is in college. He explained the type of girls that annoyed him and she is ironically that type of girl. She parties and is very immature. I don't think it will last long but I don't know if I am handling things correctly! Any tips? And I don't want people saying to move one. Despite what my ex did, I know he really loved me and our relationship was very positive!
Eocsor Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Well, theres no such thing as a break really, it's a breakup. Whenever you separate from someone like that you risk losing them for good. He's with someone else and theres no telling how long it will last. Heck it could become permanent, some rebounds do. So basically there is nothing you can do at this time except maintain NC. You made your choice and unfortunately it backfired. Count it as a lesson learned.
Fitzy12 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Well by the break I just asked him to give me space to focus on my studies. During this week when everything happened, he would text me and if I didn't reply than he would demand to know what I was doing. I only meant to basically lighten the constant communication. I know it backfired but I'm just at this point confused. How could he move on after two days when he was the one refusing to have me break up with him?
Eocsor Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I don't think anyone can tell you that but him. He may not even really know. I'm really sorry this happened to you but maybe it's best to take a good look at the relationship. I mean, how special could it have been if he jumped into bed with someone else so quickly?
Fitzy12 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 That is true. Hopefully with time he'll figure it out. It just hurts that he had to act so immature.
Eocsor Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Well, don't wait around waiting forthat to happen. Go on with your life as if he's never coming back.
CatsMeeoow Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 The thing is a break is a break up... your ex was feeling completely rejected by you. He did the begging and pleading which as we all know just pushes someone further away so you definitely ended it.... But, once you saw he wasn't pining for you and indeed making new friends via the internet... boy that got your interest again... more so once you learn he's making it a full time thing right now. Boy... human nature kicks in and you really want him back. Thing is -its out of your hands now which is why its always important to know what you want and the consequences of getting what you want. You are going to have to move on - who knows if this guy is coming back. Even if it doesn't work with this girl he may never want to reconcile because he may never frankly get over the rejection he got from you. You blame him for acting so immature but I'm not so sure you aren't doing the same because a more mature person would have stated "babe, I've got all this on my plate right now to get accomplished in the next two weeks so I may not answer every text as soon as I get it but know I love you and in two weeks we will get take out from our favorite restaurant and eat by candlelight as we catch up with one another." That is not saying you need a break or a break up... its saying - hey I love you and since I can't devote much time to you this week I'm blocking off some special time for us this weekend. Good Luck
WeightOffChest Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I'm in basically the same situation as you, but a little further ahead. I broke up with my ex because I had some worries about the future of our relationship, as it was slowly getting external pressures from the timing of college, work, her moving away, etc. I hurt her a lot when I broke up with her, but I also missed her deeply as well. Well, she found a rebound about a week later, and from that point I realized that I needed NC to accept it. What she did could be construed as immature, but realistically, everything that anyone does is for a reason. I have to forgive myself for breaking up with her, and I will forgive her for her rebound as well. You'll need to accept that your ex has jumped into a rebound relationship for the sake of protecting himself. I've been doing NIC/LC and she's been contacting me with the desire to get back together. It's been hard, seeing as I want to be with her, but we both need to heal properly first. The idea of coping with the rebound made me join this board . You should read extra into love4life's posts as well as Zorba's posts (especially on the 2nd page). The idea is that this rebound relationship could be beneficial for you, in the sense that he'll realize that he's in one once the fireworks die down. The fact that you've dated for more than a year says something about how you at least have a bond that is based on time and experience. Even though he's in a rebound relationship to escape the pain, he will end up realizing that that bond is missing in his life and the rebound may not be able to fulfill that. In that time, you will need to improve yourself and come to terms with the idea that he's sleeping with someone else, enjoying her company, doing things with her that you used to do. It's hard, but it's required to move on from the pain of the breakup. As much as some people will criticize you for being the dumper, you should realize that there were problems in the relationship and it needed to happen at one point or another. Sure, you could've toughed it out and avoided this situation, but things would eventually go down this path. Now it's already gone past the point of no return, so it's time to learn from it. Don't just wait on the sidelines for his rebound to end. Stay NC and really slowly bide your time because if the conditions are right, you will eventually cross paths. Good luck and stay strong.
Fitzy12 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 I have realized that I could of handle the situation in a much more mature way. I never meant to hurt him or make him believe I didn't love him. I let my stress get the best of me and never thought out exactly how I was handling it. I have accepted that we are over and that he is with her all of the time. I still have strong emotions for him even though I decided to end the relationship. We had also liked each other a year before we dated so we have quite a bit of history. I know I called it off but no one should run off into another relationship before healing. I've been having fun with my friends in order to prevent myself from sitting around waiting. I just wanted to make sure that no contact is the best way. I don't want to ruin my chances for good to one day reconcile down the road. But for now I have accepted it and I'm working on myself. Taking in the mistakes I made and learning from them. Also, the reason why I asked for a break to begin with because he kept picking small fights with me which were very pointless but that does not excuse what I did. I just don't believe that he truly moved on. I feel that he is still in the infatuation stage. Time will tell I guess!
Departed Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Hey, your situation is quite similar as mine. How this this all go? Are you back now or what happened?
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