Girlfriend issues (move on or endure?)

[riceboi]

Hi, first of all I would like to say hi to the community since I am pretty new to this.

Usually I am able to stand on my own two feet when it comes to dealing with my problems but lately I have been torn apart by a mix of emotions regarding my girlfriend of five months and my future career goals. She is 17 turning 18 this july while I an 20 turning 21. She just finished high school this year and will take medicine in university. I took business but dropped it because I didn't really feel I belong in that area and now I have money issues regarding my next program in mind (kineseology). I am planning to join the army since they offer scholarships for those serving the country. This is a great opportunity for me. With that being said I will elaborate the different problems I have in this relationship.

 

1) Me and my girlfriend rarely see each other (Once every 2 months or twice if I'm lucky).

 

2) She has a lot of close guy friends in her school and one in particular she is really close with. She would usually be so friendly to them and would even send them messages with smileys such as ";D. or even

 

3) I do everything and I mean everything to make her happy. I'm always there when she's down, I make her happy by buying her things I know she wants, and even helping her with her hw lol. She on the other hand does so little for me. I know i know "to give and not to count the cost" but I just don't see her putting any effort at all.

 

4) Lately she's been cancelling the times when we were supposed to hang out together. She would come up with excuses and would get upset if I confront her about it. She is also a tease. She would turn me on so much and would go "hey wanna come visit me tomorrow and do something naught? " and when I take the bait she just drops it off by cancelling it saying "I don't feel like doing it today".

 

5) We recently had a talk about how and where our relationship is currently standing. I asked her if she was happy and she told me yeah she is. I then brought up the things mentioned above and she got upset and told me we should take a huge step back if i continued to over think.

 

6) This is regarding me joining the army as mentioned earlier. She does not like the idea of me going to the army and told me she would break up with me if I went. Now I was willing to give up that idea but I asked her what our future would be and she just tells me "Let's not talk about that now what matters is today". She has her own dreams of being a doctor and I know she will be too busy for 8-10 years. She's basically focused on herself but what I don't get is why would she not want me to go to the army when she's busy with her career goal anyway?

 

I am pretty confused as what to do. Should I break up with her and move on and go to the army? As I see it the negatives far outweigh the positives. But I just can't bring myself to let her go. I just love her too much for that. Can someone give me an advice? Thoughts regarding about my issue?

 

(ps: sorry about my english)

[DN]

She is neither in a relationship with you nor does she want to be. If I were you I would move on and join the army.

[riceboi]

We get intimate though when we're together

[Snowy]

It looks like you and her goals in life are very different, which makes you two not so compatible.

 

I have 2 reasons why you should break up:

 

1) You want to join the army and follow your future plans. i.e. getting that scholarship for kineseology.

 

2) Your incompatibility with your girlfriend.

 

 

Basically - if you want to join the army, do it, and if she breaks up with you, then so be it. When you are 20 years old, a girl is no reason why you should not follow your desired plans.

[Jd1983]

You've only been together for 5 months, and you see each other once every 2 months? Is there a reason why you can't see her more often?

 

Honestly, she doesn't sound as though she is as invested in the relationship as you are.

 

My advice to you is follow on your goals, and don't worry about anything else. Clearly she already expressed her concerns that she will no longer be with you if you join the army. Don't give up on what you want to do for something that you're not even sure of.

 

Honestly, I don't see the relationship working out too well in the long haul.

[riceboi]

You've only been together for 5 months, and you see each other once every 2 months? Is there a reason why you can't see her more often?

She was focused on studying for her desired marks,which I understand. But now it's summer I've brought it up with her and she replies me with "I need time to spend with a lot of friends that I haven't seen for a long time but I'll make sure to make time for you"

[Snowy]

"I need time to spend with a lot of friends that I haven't seen for a long time but I'll make sure to make time for you"

 

This basically translates to - I can't really be bothered to see you that often because I've lost interest in you.

[RedDress]

Even if your relationship was perfect, I would never advise someone to alter their career goals and life plans for a relationship of 5 months. What if it doesn't work out in the relationship? Your career is what you'll be doing for the next 40 years. You really should be happy with that decision and not let people influence you on that. You are either walking the same path in life (and a relationship is great)... or you are not. Especially at your ages? No way.

 

On top of all that, it sounds like you have issues with this relationship. I agree that it's not really a relationship if you see each other once a month and she doesn't put forth any effort...

 

... and you are going to give up your life goals for that?

 

Join the army.

[Jd1983]

She was focused on studying for her desired marks,which I understand. But now it's summer I've brought it up with her and she replies me with "I need time to spend with a lot of friends that I haven't seen for a long time but I'll make sure to make time for you"

 

My question is - if someone truly wanted to spend time with you, why would you feel the need to have to bring it up to them? They should want to do so, without being asked about it.

 

Honestly, it sounds as though she's just not that into you.. It all sounds like excuses to me.

[riceboi]

I know its easy to say to move on and break up. But it's really hard to do. I've done so much for this girl and I think I've fallen too deep. This is my first relationship. Any advices to help stop myself from looking back when I make the big decision?

[DoGGYtREAts]

All i can give you is Be strong and try to focus on your goals, and remember that there IS someone out there who you will be much more compatable with and become much closer to, All in good time. Believe me I know how it is man.. Firsts are always the hardest imho.

[Teaday]

When you imagine your life years down the road, where would you like to be:

• Stuck even deeper in this unsatisfying relationship--or more realistically, broken up--and left with fewer career options,
  
• Or accomplishing your goals, having pursued them, with the opportunity to find a stable relationship with someone who will be supportive and loving.
  

[nutbrownhare]

I've done so much for this girl and I think I've fallen too deep. This is my first relationship. Any advices to help stop myself from looking back when I make the big decision?

You've done so much for this girl and get very little back. This isn't a situation which is likely to change, whether or not you join the army. Unfortunately, we are often reluctant to let go of relationships in which we have a lot invested, regardless of whether our feelings are returned. This is a bit like the compulsive gambler who hasn't won a single game, but won't stop because so much has already been lost, and they are convinced their luck will change soon. It won't. And neither will yours in this relationship.

 

Carry on and join the army. It will give you experiences and opportunities beyond your wildest dreams, and there's plenty of time to meet other women - with the potential to find someone who feels as strongly about you as you do about them. That's not going to happen if you stay in your current relationship.

[riceboi]

Thanks for the advices and insights. I am planning to break up with her this coming friday on Canada day. I just hope I will be able to cope up with the pain of letting go and wont look back.

[JRo82]

It seems like she's just in the here and now kind of relationship. Like live for today, and not worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow might never come. Also, for her to send to other guys through IM and e-mails is wrong. That's her way of flirting with other guys, and by blowing it off like it was nothing, and making up excuses as to why she's right and you're wrong is her way of making it seem right. That's exactly the kind of stuff my boyfriend does to me, and I can't stand it! >.

 

If she can't see herself with you while you're in the army and be stationed on base housing with you, then she obviously isn't thinking about having a future with you.

Also, it might also be a lot for her to take in, being that she's 17 going on 18. You're both still young, and she just graduated from high school. Maybe she's thinking about her future and going to college to get her degree.

 

Military life can be stressful on young married couples, let alone boyfriend/girlfriends. Maybe that's something she's just not ready to settle into with you.

If you're willing to give the girl time to think it over, you might be wasting your life for someone to make the decision that you want to hear.

 

If you go into the Army, you might get deployed into all sorts of places, and meet all sorts of women, and who knows, you might find a woman you'd like that is also in the military.

 

You won't know what life hands you, until you venture out.

 

I would leave this as a young romance/ first lovers thing, and nothing more.

You're only 21, and you still have your whole life ahead of you. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

 

Also, if I were you, I'd go into the Airforce. From what I've heard from my other co-workers that had been in the Airforce, Army, Marines, and Navy... The Airforce is the best one of the military branches.

[DoGGYtREAts]

Also, if I were you, I'd go into the Airforce. From what I've heard from my other co-workers that had been in the Airforce, Army, Marines, and Navy... The Airforce is the best one of the military branches.

Aviation All the way. I have Family Back in Russia in the military, One Flys the Mi-28.. One sexy copter there