TOOPRETTY4THIS Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Are there anyone here that actually had a good NC turnout? Did NC work for you? Did he/she actually called or contact and if so how long did it take? I just want to hear successful stories just to brighten up my day!!
Eocsor Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 No contact shouldn't be used to try and get someone back, it's for you to heal.
Knight of Hope Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I went NC with my last ex (we broke up in January), and I didn't contact her or get contacted by her until May. By then, I was healed from that relationship, and I had met my current girlfriend (a MUCH better match). So all the following took place by text message. Anyway, my ex told me she had put on a lot of weight recently, and she wanted my advice on how to take it off. I'm sure she asked me because I used to weigh 210 pounds (very overweight for my height), but now I weigh 160 pounds (smack dab in the middle of the healthy range of weights for my height). I told her "I worked out an hour per day, ate less, and didn't buy sweets." She responded "Oh, but the sweets taste so good! And I just LOVE gravy." I haven't heard from her since! Relatively painless, but of course I started NC with the "I need you to leave me alone so I can heal" line. Thank goodness she respected that, because NC really did help me heal.
irishgerry Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 my ex contacted me after 28 days NC. At that stage I was doing pretty well and moving on. We chatted briefly over text, what I realised was that missing me doesnt mean wanting to get mack with me so I just said until that day please dont contact me again. Didnt feel like I was pushed back much at all so yeah it works to just help you get over someone. Im sure it works to get them back but sure each to their own
Hollyj Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 No contact shouldn't be used to try and get someone back, it's for you to heal. Ditto! You're doing it for the wrong reason. It is for healing and clarity, not manipulation.
superfox Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Ditto! You're doing it for the wrong reason. It is for healing and clarity, not manipulation. exactly! Two short relationships last year, first split due to his drug issues and needing space, second split due to him playing games and 'testing me'. I went NC on both and had them calling me with all manner of sorrys and promises with a fortnight. Neither worked, I had moved on.
ForumGuy Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 It has totally helped me to move on and I will never again do anything other than NC at the end of a relationship. My ex-wife has contacted me for various reasons over the past year+ but never the "I made a mistake and want to get back together"......by now this is great because I have moved on. Yes, NC is supposed to be for your own healing, but the reality is that people also use it to see if their ex will miss them. A further reality is that it can serve both purposes....if your ex never does miss you and want you back, you will be farther along in healing than if you had stuck around gathering crumbs.
superfox Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I didn't even realise NC existed before I read it here! I was just protecting myself if that makes sense? But it works and stops the second guessing and like forumguy says, grabbing onto crumbs.
Dlar Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I use NC as a way of helping my self. It gives her time to think, if she comes back then great (If you want him/her back), if not then at least you've given your self that head start in the healing process.
learning2relax Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 So I am probably going to start a posting storm by stating this but here it goes...... There is a pretty large community on ENA and specifically in these forums having to do with Breaking Up/Divorce. Everyone is in a different stage of healing and working through the process of grieving. In the beginning, the emotional distress, anxiety and desperation are overwhelming. During that time, for many, it is so hard to accept the idea of letting go and moving on. When I first came to ENA, so many people told me the same things. I wanted different answers. In the beginning, while I understood that "NC" was about "healing myself" I was in denial about taking that approach for those reasons. I was simply doing it in hopes that he would miss me and contact me regretting his decision to end our relationship. As time moved on, I came to understand what everyone here was stating about the healing process associated with not contacting your ex. As time moved further, the impulse to break it started to fade as it almost felt awkward to reach out when we had not been in regular contact. All the reasons that people chant, post, etc. about NC is absolutely true. But when someone hasn't been in this place before or hasn't been in here in a LONG time, and they are in immense pain, I can't fault them for utilizing the approach of not contacting their ex in hopes of getting them back. As time moves and you are moving through the stages of the process, you get it - or at least most do or will. If you can get through this and start working on detachment or at least working on learning methods to do so, it really helps to bring the pain down to a dull ache and eventually just a scar you occasionally notice without pain. I think what is most important at the very beginning when emotions are so raw and desperation so high where impulsive attempts of talking them out of it are most likely to occur - in order to end the pain as swiftly and quickly as possible.....NC for whatever reason is best. If just to get some time under your belt for the wounds to start to scab over and the emotions to come down a few hundred notches. Truth be told, any contact when we are in that state is the worst for everyone involved. For the one that made the decision and for the one on the receiving end. Everyone will do better once things have settled down a bit. As more and more time passes, the risk of emotionally charged conversations that can hurt either party starts to decline. My two cents....
TOOPRETTY4THIS Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 wow you touched the subject from all angles!! very much appreciated!
TOOPRETTY4THIS Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 i like your perspective!! thanks alot!!
TheJerseyKid Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 My most recent ex reached out after 70 days, we met up had drinks, discussed how we are better off apart, and had sex.No subsequent visits have occurred, only 1-2 text exchanges, this was over a month ago, and we've been NC another month since. My first ex (4 year re/ship) reached out after about 4-5 months of NC. She was begging for answers as to why I was so cold to her and refused to speak with her (I was dumpee, then strung along for another month after the break up). I eventually forgave her a few months later, we had sex once, and a few weeks later she told me she met someone new (I was over it by then, so it didn't bother me), they are now married.
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