flow90 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My ex broke up with me last may after being together nearly a year. I was absolutely devastated however he strung me along until january this year (asking for me back and then breaking up with me, again and again). I was a total mess that whole time and I decided to go NC in january. He contacted me once 3 months ago when he sent me a song called 'one last chance'.. obviously making me believe he wanted another chance (i had already given him like 2/3), he then told me the song meant nothing. So I had a massive go at him in an email. I went NC again with no intention of contacting him again, and not expecting to hear back from him as he couldnt admit he did anything wrong, nor did he apologise for hurting me so much. Now all of a sudden after 3 months NC, after I had a massive go at him in that email he has now contacted me saying this (we were both online on IM): hey --and then 15 mins later when i didnt reply: just wanted to talk to you, to see how you are, i understand that u might not want to speak to me hope everything is fine take care I'm guessing you'll all say its bread crumbs, he just wants to see if I'll still talk to him, or to see if im still pining for him.. What do u think? Is he just looking for an ego boost, or could he still be interested in me and realized what he has lost (I've maintained 5 months NC except for sending that one email when he sent the song- before when he was stringing me along I was always chasing after him) Is it possible he wants to open lines of communication to apologise, tell me he loves me,etc? I'll be visiting his city in a few weeks and I'm tempted to reply and mention it to him to see if he would suggest meeting up. What should i do? Ignore or reply but act care-free? I'm so curious to see what he actually wants... What can be going on in his head? Thanks! Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 YES - ignore!!!! Who cares what is going on in his head. There is nothing in that that is even close to an apology. He just wants reassurance that you will say "how high" when he says "jump". Don't get sucked back in. Good Luck Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Well, his track record isn't too good. Are you still pining for him and missing him? Hugs. Link to comment
flow90 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 Even though I've accepted the break up, have dated other guys.. he's still stuck in my head. I still love him, and despite all the crap he put me through if he truly apologised i could forgive him. I miss him so much. He wouldnt just come out and apologise straight away, i know him... and i know his track record isnt too good, but he is young and i guess was pretty immature in the way he handled our break up/relationship... He's very clever and has studied female psychology, and uses psychology himself to get women, he knows how to play the game... So i know he would never come out and say hes sorry or wants me back, as he would never put himself out there before testing to see if im interested. He has a very big ego... I dont know if thats what he wants, just want u guys to kno what kind of guy he is. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Hugs Flow, I truly empathise with you. My ex is a psychologist, and is extremlely clever. He also isn't able to apologise for when he has treated people, including me poorly either. I too still love my ex deeply. My breakup time is shorter than yours, but I get where you are at. In my heart, I would so like to be happily reconciled. Intellectually I know that if we were to reconcile, which seems extremely unlikely right now, I would need to be in a head space where I have a good level of self-respect and have found myself again, and he would have to have worked on himself too. I don't know if this could ever happen. Maybe never. Sorry, can't give answers, but certainly understanding and empathy. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 PS I have come to believe that relationships with psychologists and or psychiatrists can have their own specific issues, and there are psychologists/psychiatrists who agree with that. One psychologist, a friend of his, said to me once, regarding my exes children, "Well, they are children of a psychologist which means they are going to have problems." She was being dead-set serious. (no she had by choice not had children of her own, but did have step-children) Link to comment
BriarRose Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Probably someone just dumped him. Ignore him. Link to comment
flow90 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 PS I have come to believe that relationships with psychologists and or psychiatrists can have their own specific issues, and there are psychologists/psychiatrists who agree with that. One psychologist, a friend of his, said to me once, regarding my exes children, "Well, they are children of a psychologist which means they are going to have problems." She was being dead-set serious. (no she had by choice not had children of her own, but did have step-children) He's not actually a psychologist. Hes just graduated from college, however not in psychology. I just meant he has the book 'the game' and all those other Pick up artists books in order to understand female psychology to seduce women.... Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Oh sorry I misunderstood. Link to comment
flow90 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 No worries.. I understand that you all say I should ignore him... but if i was to reply and just be carefree and not ask him any questions... will it boost his ego? will it show im still pining for him? Im just curious to see what he wants. What if he wanted me back and realized what hes lost??? What if hes contacting for that reason? Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Whether you choose to contact him is absolutely your decision. There are differing views on NC here at ENA if you are not already aware. One option would be to message him back saying you are very well and wishing him the same, then seeing what happens next. Link to comment
flow90 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 If I was to do that, would it boost his ego and would he think im still pining for him? Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 yes, it would boost his ego --- he was bored and reached out to say hi. Not anything more. Ignore him. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I wouldn't reply based solely on the fact that it would set you back since you don't seem too healed yet. Would you be fine if he says he just wants to be friends? And again, his track record isn't impressive. Link to comment
Panblanco Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 ignore him , he just playing with you, you take him back and them when he get tired he dump you, take the final decision and move on Link to comment
imwithyou Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I would first ask myself if i could handle another situation like that *if* it was to happen. If its too much then don't contact him because your better than that and deserve much better. Curiosity really sucks at times but sometimes you do have to go through it as it's the only way we learn. I would say if you do decide to talk to him say absolutely everything that is on your mind, be straight out and forward and see what he says, if he still plays with you like that then you should forget about him and remove him from your life, moving on is hard but you will find someone else who will appreciate you and not mess you about Link to comment
.thumb.jpg.707652b1f845175b2f35e03ba7f1673e.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.78735a344a3340a866dda54f465baebb.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.