help, I need advice help and support!!

[TheLonelyGirl]

This is the first time I'm posting anything like this, so please be nice.

 

Yesterday me and my bf of 7years decided to end it. It was more me than him bringing it up. This is my first break up like this and I;m just very lost,confused and lonely. I've moved to this country shortly before we have meet but decided to stay and give it a go.We own a house together and have a dog.I have not got anyone here I could rely on. I have nowhere to stay so we need to keep sharing the house, which does not help the heeling process. This is not the first time we had this sort of talk, but I think this might be the last time.

 

I feel like the interest there is just gone. We hardly ever have anything to say , we never go out or do anything together,altho I keep on asking , suggesting thinks but usually get 'do I have to'! There's no love life either. Not even kissing , hugging or anything intimate.

 

I can't stop but blaming myself for putting myself in this situation. I can't stop crying and I wished I had someone to lean on.

 

The problems started when he lost he's job and we just got the house. I would work 70 h weeks to make sure we could afford mortgage. He was too proud to get help and jobseekers allowance. I was very angry, tired and depressed and felt like I had no support.

Eventually he got a job!! Good job but that make things even worst. He started going out with his new work friends and be out all night. Sometimes I would not see him for 3 days due to his night out and my shift work. He also booked himself holidays with his Uni friends. He did not think about paying any money back for everything i've done to make sure we were ok. I got very angry, and uncool.Usually I'm very open minded and relaxed in a relationship and always give my bf loads of space and freedom . Maybe that was my mistake.

I made him a list of every penny I want back ( and for some reason I still feel bad about it ) and for about 6month was forcing him to pay things back.

But things were getting worst. I have found out he was hanging out with some girl at work, I'm not proud of it, but I did started to spy on him. Got hold of his phone and got everything I needed. They even went out while I was away and he lied to me and I found out. She is in a relationship as well, which makes it even more strange.

When confronted he said they were just friends and nothing was going on! Now, If she was just a friend , why I have never heard of her or meet her, and why he felt the need of hiding that evening from me .

We tried to move on from this , but once I've been lied to by someone I had 100% trust in I can't just decided to change it for good again.

I started to get anxious and could not sleep when he was going out on his own. One day I just told him that and said the only way I can start to move on is If she's out of my life which met was out of his, as he was part of mine.

He has problems with communicating with me and refused to talk through things like that, and just goes quiet or leaves the house.

So this time he left but txted that he won't see her ever again cause our life together is the most important thing for him.

That was about two years ago, he did change his job since then.

Recently He started to see his old work mates again. Last time he went to see them he was acting strange. Said it was a boys night only after I have asked If I'm invited as well. That was a lie! It was not a boys night out he just did not wanted me there. And the only reason I can think why Is because That girl was there and he knew I wouldn't like it. Again , that ruins my trust.

But thats not all.

He spends all his free time on his computer and watching tv at the same time, when I talk to him his so into his game that he does not even acknowledge me!

I'm sure he has some intimacy problems as well. We have not had sex for over 18month! I have stop trying to initiate it as I was rejected all the time and It seemed easier just to ignore the problem. He did never mention it. Again , like I said before He does not talk about things like that (he's 33)

I've been trying to talk to him since yesterday and was not able to get anything out of him. He keeps a straight face so I can even read his expression or know how he feels.

WHen asked If he was ok with all of this, he said it was my decision and he can't change it. I have asked him if he had any feelings still for me. He would not answer and when I ask ' so you don't ' he only replied ' I did not say that'

The fact He can't talk really really is making me angry.

Do you think he needs professional help?

I just have no energy for this anymore.

 

How do I cope, what do I do?