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Tips to help improve myself and become a better person


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I'm tired of the life I living right now. No I don't plan to kill myself don't, I find that a cope out. I feel I can do so much more in life but I don't know what to do or don't feel like do it. Before I graduated High school I had so many plans to make to school a much better place (For example: a bake sale to stop child hunger, Repainting the school hallways to make it a light and calming atmosphere instead of the dark colors that are there now.) My after a while the flame inside was dying because my mind went into "What if?" mode. I freaked out so much that I canceled all my plans. I still regret doing that.


I want to be more open and accepting with myself. I enjoy dancing, drawing, cooking, sometimes singing, wearing dresses and hanging out with my friends I have damn it(Not those puffy dress, but I think you guys understand)! But I fear being open like that because I don't like feeling embarrassed. When I draw, dance, or sing in front of people or if just one people is watching I kinda freak. I feel like there's a million eyes watching me. I hate this feeling with all my might.


Instead of doing productive stuff, like working on my comic or preparing for my second year of college; I'm hunched over the computer all day long in my room. Hell I Should be sleeping now but I needed to get this out. I didn't put forth my true potential during my first year of college. It was a mix to tired and being on the computer, I blame myself for not being able to manage my time better. By the next day I'm tired, drain and prefer to stay in my room all day and when I get some energy I go to the computer; It's a horrible cycle.


I took a test recently and It explained my situation clearly. I'll post it again:


Your Existing Situation

-"Looking for a way to overcome her current problems and issues, but finds it difficult to find solutions or choose the best course of action."

-"Creative and emotional, looking for ways to further expand those qualities. Looking for a partner who enjoys the same activities. Seeking adventure and new and unusual activities."

-Is feeling a large amount of stress due to her inability to achieve goals and her indecisiveness on how to go about changing the situation for the better.


Your Stress Sources

Concerned about unhappy relationships; feels as there is no hope to restore friendship and trust. The situation is depressing but feels she must continue although she is exhaustive.


Your Restrained Characteristics

-"Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult."

-His arrogance causes her to take offense quickly. Only those closest to her know deep down she is sensitive and sentimental.


Your Desired Objective

"Forces herself to remain calm under pressure, but hiding her emotions wears on her. she is looking for a safer way to deal with her problems, and searching for a chance to recover."


Your Actual Problem

-Feeling anxious and restless frustration toward current situation or unfulfilled emotional requirements are causing stress. Tries to escape into a conflict free environment where she feels a sense of security and can relax and recover.

-"Feeling a lack of energy, she does not wish to be involved in further activity or give in to demands. she is feeling powerless causing her stress, agitation, and irritation, all which she tries to escape by refusing to participate altogether. she needs to escape into an environment which is stable and secure and will allow her to relax and feel more at peace."

-"Agitated, unpredictable, and irritation as well as lack of energy and inability to cope with any more pressure placed on her have left her feeling stress and tormented by her situation. Feels powerless to come up with a solution on her own; desperately wishes a solution will present itself and allow her a chance to escape."

-"Feeling unimportant in this current situation, and is looking for different conditions where she will be able to better prove her worth and importance."

-"Wants to be valued and respected, seeks a close and peaceful relationship with a shared respect of each other."

-Needs to find a stable and peaceful environment which will free her of the worries that are preventing her from achieving the things she wants.


All of this is dead on, And I really want to be able to get passed it and become a better person in general. I have planned a get together with all my friends in the middle of July. And I'm starting to get the case of the "What if's?" I really don't want to cancel this get together.


Please any advice will be nice. And Sorry for the long post as well.

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When I draw, dance, or sing in front of people or if just one people is watching I kinda freak.


This describes your issue pretty well.


The thing is you are afraid of what others may think of you. That's the core, which you might not necessarily see as a true reason because it is sometimes hidden beneath layers of other reasons and you only see the one at the top.

Anyway, each core reason is made of a certain belief. In this case, it's usually belief that opinion of others matter more than your own. And this is really simple to solve by starting to give more importance to your own opinions than opinion of others.


Justify your actions for yourself. Then you'll be more open and everything. You will stop worrying.


We want to do things, but we don't really justify them for ourselves. Then when challenged, looked at or ridiculed for doing it, we are unsure of our reasons (because there are none). So in the future, we refrain from doing those things.


I have a fresh personal experience with this. I go to gym everyday, and after each work out, on my way home, I eat banana. When I finish it, I take its peeling and throw it into a bush, or under a tree or so. I have specifically thought about this, whether to throw it to bin or back to nature and I have come to conclusion that it's good for nature. And so I had see it coming, one day, I throw the banana peeling under a tree again and an older guy overseeing my actions shouts at me:

''Are you not ashamed of yourself?''

Me: ''What should I be ashamed of sir?''

Him: ''Don't you know where banana peeling belongs''

Me: ''I believe it belongs back to nature, so I do it a favor and throw it there''

Him: ''You should get thrown away punk''


I smiled and continued walking home.


You see it was a clash of two believes. I did something, I was challenged by someone else for doing it, and I stood strong because I have justified my decisions long ago. Whatever he though of me doesn't matter to me. Because I thought of myself as a hand helping nature to grow.


Hope the point I was trying to get over got there

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This surely is a passing phase, but you need to work on your self-esteem. Be honest with yourself. Instead of focusing on your negative aspects, look at what's positive in you. This will help you see that, like everyone else, you have both a good and a bad side. And the thing about fear is: if you can't get rid of it, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you do not let it refrain you from doing anything. So if, for example, you're about to go out and start feeling that awful "what if" thing (this is fear), allow yourself to feel it and go out anyway. If you resist, it gets stronger. If you acknowledge it and pay no attention to your doubts (i.e., observe that ultimately they are only thoughts in your head!), it will eventually go away. You can say to yourself: "ok, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what people might think of me. It's like a knot in my heart". Feel your fear. Acknowledge your fear, breathe deeply and walk out the door.

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's hard but I'm trying my best to make myself a better person.


I now try to ask the question "why?" it's a bit hard, since I've been taught to "just do it" and I usually react/get uneasy to how to a person reacts.


I try to smile and say "Hi" When I meet a new group of people even though I still get knots in my stomach.


And I try to not be "The main entertainment" Cause When I invite my friends to places I feel that I have to make sure they are happy and having a good time. To sum: Stop being a worry wart.


I still have a long way to go though.

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  • 2 months later...

Things are going fine so far. I started my new semester 2 weeks ago. The classmates are nice but they still keep to themselves and so do I. There are times where we have to work in groups but while the others talk, I stay quiet. I either don't know what to say or feel embarrassed to say something.


Does anybody have any pointers? With talking in a group and walking up and talking to someone. Any advice will be great

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Two weeks is not a long time. And your situation is not a terrible thing. Many people feel the way you feel. Whenever you feel embarrassed, breathe deeply a few times and you will feel better. Remember, your main problem is not that you have difficulty relating; your main problem is your anxiety towards these feelings of difficulty. Once you are able to relax and accept more and more who you are, you will see that you will be more comfortable around others.

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