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Convoluted relationship start


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I have never asked for relationship advice online before. I need help.

Many months ago I had an affair with a friend of mine. We were both in long term relationships at the time, and broke it off because of the guilt. She’s the only person I’ve ever had an affair with.

Now we are both free and still very close friends who see each other nearly every day. She is still in a recovery period, as this has been the worst breakup of her life. There are a dozen men trying to pick her up, though it’s only been a few weeks.

We’ve talked, and she has told me that she likes me, and thinks it would be great to be together, but she doesn’t love me, and that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship where the other person cares more than she does. She says that any relationship we had would probably end very badly, very quickly. All the more because she still loves her recent ex, whom she can’t be with at all. He’s a criminal who has ruined her life. She says it’s a conflict between what she thinks and what she feels.

This would be true, as I adore her, our friendship, and I really want more. I’ve tried for a very long time not to love her, but I most certainly do.

She’s in a predicament, because she says she knows that if she chooses someone else ahead of me as a rebound, our friendship would at least take a hit, and may actually end. I’m afraid this is also likely true, as I don’t think I could see her with another man. And our circumstances dictate that we see each other often (we work near one another).

I know it’s terribly unfair to her. All I want is a chance to actually be with her, but the wolves are circling and I don’t know what to do. For now I’ve opted to try to be the best friend I can to her, as I always have.

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You both had an affair, you are both now free, and yet she doesn't love you. So clearly the affair for her was just for kicks and a diversion from her relationship problems. I think you need time away from this person..you may work near each other but that doesn't mean you have to be her friend and stop and chat. She will be looking for other men and it will be only a matter of time before she latches on to someone else for whatever reason. You need time to get over her and get on with your own life. Friendship with her at this point will only cause you pain, not happiness.

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