Finding myself sinking deeper into depression :(

[holymoseph]

Its going on 2 weeks... 3 if you don't count the 5 days we got back together after he cheated on me. I'm embarrassed. I THOUGHT I had finally found someone to share my life with. We made plans. He turned out to be someone I didn't know. And HE won't talk to ME. I've said my peace to him. Everything from I miss you to I hate you to I'm accepting this. And although I've accepted I have to let go it doesn't make being alone now any easier. See, I became accustomed to his daily calls and text and seeing him every chance we got. I not only fell for him, I fell for his family. Both our families had "high hopes" for us. I'm embarrassed because HE humiliated me by being with another woman. And I humiliated myself by listening and BELIEVING all his crying and begging back was sincere. I can honestly say I've never gave someone a chance like I did him... certianly not a second chance. And in the middle of the night when he was driving I called to check on him (nothing crazy or jealous) just making sure his drive was ok and trying to show that I care and he screamed at me about waking him up. It made me sick. After all he'd done and he wanted to talk to me that way when I was only calling to show I care and that while I knew it would take alot of effort from him, it was going to take effort from me too.

 

Next day I asked him if he wanted to breakup. He said "yes, I think I'm to selfish for anyone right now".

 

Then he had the audacity (which he did the exact thing at first when I caught him with another woman, yes i literally stood outside a door listening to this C U next tuesday moan) to blame everything on me and then tell me "I said to much to push him away for good. Now leave me alone."

 

What makes me so depressed is I was happy with him before all this happened. I trusted him with my heart. I even trusted him when he said he was sorry. I feel abandoned. Its hard.

 

I have no motivation for anything right now. Literally takes all I have to get up and get ready. And forget eating.

My friends are not the kind of friends that CAN be there for me through this. They have their own problems. Some worse than mine.

 

I feel myself sinking deeper and deeper. I wish I had the motivation. I wish I had a reason. I'm so mad because I had finally saw a future with someone and all he did was decieve me into thinking he wanted the same.

 

I don't expect anything from anyone. I feel like I'm alone in this. This forum is maybe the only thing making me NOT feel so alone. So thank you.

[dramallama]

You were happy before him, and I guarantee that you will be happy after him. You're self esteem will grow if you stick with NC. He cheated on you and he's even admitted himself that he's too selfish for you. It will get better by the day. You will feel better in another two weeks and gradually you will be back to normal.

[holymoseph]

Aw, thank you dramallama. Your right. I know this. Its just been a struggle to put into action, literally. I was happy. But I'm approaching 30. Have no kids and honestly, I'd like to have some! He made me believe he wanted these things too. I want it all, the whole shibang (who doesn't right?... oh thats right, commitment phobes or selfish dudes like my ex). I'm having a hard time because even when I go out the quality of men out make me want to run home take a shower and vow to never open my cookiejar again! Ugh. Doesn't give much hope yano? Thank you for your response. I hope that you are happy in your life

[dramallama]

Aw, thank you dramallama. Your right. I know this. Its just been a struggle to put into action, literally. I was happy. But I'm approaching 30. Have no kids and honestly, I'd like to have some! He made me believe he wanted these things too. I want it all, the whole shibang (who doesn't right?... oh thats right, commitment phobes or selfish dudes like my ex). I'm having a hard time because even when I go out the quality of men out make me want to run home take a shower and vow to never open my cookiejar again! Ugh. Doesn't give much hope yano? Thank you for your response. I hope that you are happy in your life

Age is just a number and there are plenty of quality guys out there. It's just that you won't be able to see them until you take your love goggles off. You can't see someone else's potential if you're comparing them to your ex, even subconsciously, so that's another great thing about NC. Treat yourself kindly. Remind yourself that he broke things off for a reason, so that if your ex doesn't want a committed and faithful relationship with you - then give that to yourself! If you want to be a mother you will. Don't let the fear of never having children keep you from being in a relationship with someone that doesn't respect you. There are always sperm donors or adoption. You can start saving for it now as a backup plan, and it will take the pressure off of "needing" someone just so that you can settle down.

[Zuri]

Going through the same. Hit dumped by the love of my life. Feels like I'll never love another again. I miss him SO MUCH. My grief has overtaken me. It's only been one day NC for me. The previous post said you'll feel better in two weeks but I'm reading on here that people are struggling way after two weeks. I know I cannot function feeling the way I do. The tears are umcontrollable and I feel on the verge of having panic attacks just about every hour. Constant ache in my heart and complete emptiness. But there is nothing we can do if they don't want us. So hard to get over. Doesn't feel like I'll ever get there.

[holymoseph]

DL: Its funny you've mentioned the sperm bank or adoption because I've already had that in mind as a backup. I grewup without a father and know the void. I'd like to have a father for my children. I've also talked about having children with my gay husband. He's a bit of a queen though and I worry a little we'd bicker alot. But yes, I am open to that. And I like that you say give the commitment to yourself. You are right. I am getting a small heart tattoo on the palm side of my right ring finger to remind myself to love myself. I tend to give EVERYTHING I have in a relationship and forget about myself. Habits are hard to break but I'm going to try not to do that with the next one.

 

I worked out yesterday and did some yoga and attended bingo so I feel like I'm making progress.

 

SHAL: I'm so sorry your going through so much pain right now. Try to give yourself some time to grieve. Allow yourself to feel sad. You need to in order to work through the emotions and process it. You need support right now too. Do not be alone if you can help it. Were here for you too.

Write him a letter, get it out. Everything. But don't send it. Do what you have to PROCESS it. Every day is one day closer to you feeling fulfilled all on your own. Isn't that nice? You won't have to worry about how someone else will make you feel and you certianly won't have to worry that they'll fail you. Theres security within ourselves.

NC is hard. I find myself in a heated emotion wanting to text him but I don't because I know that its over, and it wouldn't matter. All it would do is give HIM the security of knowing I'm still here waiting for him. If he doesn't want you than he can't have ANY of you. Not even the thought that he CAN have you if he chooses. No, he made his decision and there are consequences to them. Trust me, he is not 100% ok either. But thats not for you to worry about. Theres freedom in a breakup on both ends. If you do think of him try to think of the things that annoyed you or the not so great things about him and feel Happy that you don't have to deal with it anymore. It will feel forced and foreign at first but over time you'll see it more objectively and feel better about it.

 

I'm leaving a link for you to check out because it helped me. Hope everyday your heart heals some more. Always here if you want to talk.

link removed

[dramallama]

It's great that you are taking small steps to get yourself back. I think crappy fathers can be just as much of a drag as having no father, and it's better for a child to have one loving parent than two people who settled down together because they felt they should. Plenty of people have been raised by single parents and they have turned out fine, so don't let the idea of your future children needing a dad put you off of having children on your own. It will be harder which is why you should have a support system, such as family and friends.

 

You should definitely read "He's Just Not That Into You" as well as "Why Men Love Biatches" (replaces the last word with the actual word). The latter book is about putting yourself first and not losing yourself in a relationship. Never make someone else the centre of your universe because then it all comes crashing down when they leave. Try to borrow both from the library if you can or purchase them to keep.