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aiming at a nice gesture, anger ensues


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hello all, i'm kind of stuck in a sticky situation here. my girlfriend got off of work in the evening and since her father left for work, she was out of a ride home. her waiting for the bus, and it getting dark, i took it upon myself to call a cab for her, meet her there, and pay for it, albeit without asking her. big mistake; that decision ended turning into an argument between the two of us in which she denied the taxi outright and got angry for not asking her first. is this a justified response? i thought i was doing the right thing, but it obviously wasn't received that way and its making me question whether my deeds are being appreciated. or should I be the one apologizing?

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They say that chivalry is dead!


But is it actually a case of....the appreciation of chivalry is dead!


I can't count the number of times a courtesy goes unacknowledged. It's such a shame because it makes you less inclined to do it next time.


Your girlfriend should NOT have got angry! She shouldn't take your thoughtfulness for granted.

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Why on earth would she be angry? What did she say?


she was most angry at the fact that i didn't ask her first. i understand maybe i should have, but i honestly had her safety as my first priority, you know? and this is sort of a recurring problem as well. a few months ago she blew up in a similar fashion because i brought her lunch without asking.


honestly, it kind of hurts my feelings when stuff like this happens because im trying to do something nice and it gets received the wrong way.

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... I don't even understand why she would be angry. Why is she upset?


i'm not even sure, but i do know (firsthand!) she's ultra independent. maybe she read me calling the cab as a way of undermining her? my first instinct as a boyfriend was to look after her, so i guess the conflict was there?

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Reads more as insecure than ultra independent to me... I always wonder at people who can't accept compliments, help, kindness or favours. Can you talk to her about this sort of thing and get her to understand that you really did mean it as a kindness and not as an offence?

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I remember many years ago when I was married to my ex husband, I was very pregnant and working in downtown LA. I would get off work at midnight and I had to walk 4 blocks through skid row to get a bus to go home. He wouldn't come for me and certainly never called me a cab.


What you did was very sweet and if she can't appreciate what a good man you are, I bet there are 100 women out there that would.

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