i really dont know what to say.....

[nsomnia912]

This post...I don't know what this is honestly..

 

I want her back...I don't want her back...

Did she leave because I left her for the last time.....I left because she lied to me about a guy..and I could see it in her eyes...

 

I feel like I was used as just something to fill her life while she was in school.... Then she just changed into a whole new person on me.. everything I wanted... I said let's get tattoos she doesn't want to...I say get a smartphone with camera so we can video chat....no.....I was waiting for her to find a job so we can move.....

 

Now break up she gets a tat with new bf...new cell phone...moved to his town accross country.....its like she just turned into the girl I have been patiently waiting for 3 years...the life I was waiting for.... Did she really love me at all? Or was love just something to tidy her over till something better came?

 

But how is he better?

How am I worse?

 

I always put thought and love into everything I did or gave her.

I thought about her for 13 years....

2 weeks was all it took to get into a new relationship...

Why?

 

I just don't know how to go through life.

We had our problems but she was my everything...

I said awful things to her....I said she was emotionally empty.

She used others to feel happy

She was dead to me...

 

I keep arguing with myself..

If its true love hell come back

This is a test...don't give up on her

You lost a battle but don't lose sight of the war

 

If she loved me she wouldn't have moved on.

She strung you along till she secured him

She used you

She has no heart

Why take her back

Why want her

 

Everyone says I'm much happier now

I'm less stressed

 

She never said anything...just moved on.

Not one word...as if I never existed...

 

I just want to turn my heart to stone and give it to no one else

I want to contact her and tell her I'm sorry for everything I said.

 

I don't deserve to have someone Luke her in my life

 

I'm so confused

Lonely

How could he just swoop in and steal her

Was I that bad a bf

Or was I that good she felt she wasn't good enough for me

 

I don't know how to move on

I don't know if I want to

 

 

I want to go back to day1

And start all over

 

It seems all the great girls are married to assholes..who take them for granted and they get emotional fulfillment from me.

 

WHERE IS MINE! WHY CAN'T I GET A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

 

What did I do that is so bad to be constantly getting burned?

 

What tell me please.

I'm a good guy, I have a huge heart, I love deeply, forgive and show compassion to my enemies...I am smart...an artist...a paramedic...I kill nothing....I harm nothing...I rage only in deep heartbreak...

 

Why do I get nothing while they get dream lives...

 

I just want to become emotionless...stone

I just want to feel nothing....

 

I run, I work out, I date, I drink, I smoke, I meditate, I bury myself in extra shifts, I paid off all debt...I help others, I hang with friend's. I read....I still just feel empty

 

What if blew it...

Why did she blow it....

 

I want to just go buy a gun, drive into extreme northern Canada where no one goes..and end it

 

I am determined to not let this break me

 

I am all over the place...yet grounded

 

I don't know what the heck is going on.

[imonlyhuman]

hey man. i know how you feel. its all a whirlwind of emotions. you gotta push away those really extreme thoughts. it sounds like the world is better with you in it, even if she isn't able to realize it. you will find someone who will fully appreciate you in time. and she'll look back and remember you as the one that got away. it gets better. if you need a friend to talk to, feel free to PM me.

[Mustachio]

I know what your problem is, and its a really tough one to crack, but knowing the issue makes it easier.

 

And its pretty clear to me that you are stuck in a really bad case of romanticizing your relationship. You have evidence staring you in the face of who she really is, she was with someone new 2 weeks after it ended, yet you pick apart the details and ignore the ones that would in fact help you see past all of it. Instead you focus on the good memories, you play them up, and in the end, it hurts you more.

 

You need to see this and understand this and shift your thought patterns to allow yourself to focus on the negative, to allow yourself to feel the anger and pain instead of dwelling on what are ultimately false or enhanced memories.

 

You also need to realize that its not about better or worse, he is not better, and you are not worse. Its about right and wrong, and obviously you werent right for her or she would still be there. And if for absolutely nothing else, she is wrong for you simply because she is no longer there for you. I can guarantee you there is more than that though, and in the coming weeks and months you will come to realize it, and it will fuel you to become better than you think you can be.