time has passed, the little things can still set you back?

[jt214]

Short background: ex and I were dating in the fall, she dumped me because I left for a semester abroad in the spring, totally heartbroken because it was my first love. took me a very long time to get my head in the right place, despite the fact that she treated me poorly during/after we were dating. after the spring semester, i visited her and she was stand offish and pretty rude so i decided i was done with her.

 

anyway, i thought i had pretty much moved on. but last night one of my friends who knows her from our school told me something she said to him while i was abroad. in her words apparently, she said "I hope Ryan (me) hooks up with a lot of girls while he's in Europe so that can get better at sex." this made me fly off the handle. i've never wanted more in my life to kill someone but i really really wanted to drive to her house and punch her in the face. here's why it made me so mad:

 

1. we only had sex twice and i was her first. it hurt her both times we did, so obviously it wasn't good, BUT SHE HAS NOTHING TO COMPARE IT TO

2. she's never had an orgasm because she wouldn't let me go down on her and she's never tried it herself. maybe if she weren't so frigid then the sex would have been okay

3. this kid who told me what she said has been friends with me for way longer than he has with her how on earth did she think this wouldn't get back to me?

4. the only way she could possibly justify this is if she had slept with a bunch of other guys while i was gone, which i started picturing and made me even more mad

5. where on earth does she get off saying this stuff? i was nothing but nice to her and would have done anything for her but she threw it back in my face

 

i decided i was done with her after my visit to school after i got back from abroad, but it's been six months since we broke up and i'm so tired of these little set backs, although this one really made me mad. but even though she's a total * * * * * , i still get sick to my stomach picturing her with other guys. why are the little things still so powerful?