1st Steps to my Healing - NEED ADVICE

[Unwanted]

Ok first of all thank you to ENA for getting me through this...I really appreciate all the advice and comforting words everyone has been giving me =)

 

I have taken my first steps to my healing....this is the beginning of the 3rd week of the BU and I am sick to death of feeling like utter sh*it about myself.

 

So Monday morning 10AM, I have the day off after working the weekend - this is what I've done so far:

 

1) Booked myself in for a counsellor at my uni for Thursday morning.

 

2) Seeing my doctor tomorrow to see whether he can help and recommend a therapist. He is an excellent doctor and when I was going through all the sh*it in the past, he insisted on seeing me every week so I could talk to him about my issues. So I'm really confident about seeing him tomorrow.

 

3) I've ordered some books online. I love reading. And it's time to get back into it. Reading gives me a lot of joy. Currently reading "North & South" (Gaskell) and "Crime & Punishment" (Dostoevsky)

 

4) Meeting a friend for a spin cycle class at my gym tonight. Since everything has gone pear-shaped, I've stopped going to the gym and stopped taking care of my body. It's time to get my ar$e into the gym. NO F&CKING EXCUSES ANYMORE. I'm the most important person in my life and I need to start thinking that and acting it too. Will also be enquiring about personal training services just to help me with my goals.

 

5) Re-assessing my diet. having a warm porridge right now with soy milk =) Since the BU, I have been eating pure and utter $HIT. I need to refocus and start taking care of my body again.

 

6) *** NOT SO SURE ABOUT THIS SO IF PEOPLE CAN GIVE ADVICE ABOUT THIS POINT ***

 

I have an acquaintance (not a friend, I don't know him that well) who asked me out to dinner for Friday night. I haven't said yes yet. I'm scared to. I was with my ex for 4 years (met him when I was 20 yrs old), he was my first bf, and I haven't a clue whether I want to say yes. I have been out of the dating game for a long time and I think I've forgotten how to socialise.

 

This acquaintance of mine is a lot older than me, 10 years in fact. (I am 24 he is 34). He has a great career in stock exchange (we both work in the finance industry). He has been living in a hotel hahaha since coming to Australia as he has not yet found a place to move into. He has shiny white American teeth (he is from New York working in Australia at the moment).

 

He's very confident and (seems) very nice. I say confident because when he asked me out I said I would think about it. And he replied with "Well I'd really love the company of a beautiful woman on a Friday night, just enjoying great food and great company. So I'll see you Friday night". Yes I'm probably reading into this too much.

 

I know I know it's only dinner, but I don't want to make a fool of myself. What if I sit there staring rudely at his shiny white American teeth?

 

ALL I WANT IS TO ENJOY THE COMPANY OF A WO(MAN) FOR DINNER. I haven't been out with a lot of my friends for the past 4 years because I was happy to come home on a Friday night and Skype with the ex (we were LDR).

 

Ugghhh I have no social skills whatsoever. He'll find me boring. And he'll think I've wasted his Friday night. If I say yes, WHAT AM I TO WEAR?!?!?! HAIR UP HAIR DOWN??? BOLD EARRINGS OR NOT SO BOLD EARRINGS?!?!?

 

Oh the dilemma. This is actually stressing me out more haha.

 

HELP ENA!!

[giraffegirl]

This is like you are a whole new person! I suggest you wear your hair down when you go out with American Teeth. definitely go out with him. And don't worry about being boring, just treat it as dating practice. I mean, he says you are beautiful, obviously likes you, just lap it up.

 

Its great you are going to get counselling. You are going to bounce back from this in no time.

[Unwanted]

This is like you are a whole new person! I suggest you wear your hair down when you go out with American Teeth. And don't worry about being boring, just treat it as dating practice. I mean, he says you are beautiful, obviously likes you, just lap it up.

 

Yes dating practice indeed! Ohhh I'm excited hahah is that bad?

 

Hair down it is!! Oh dear, I've psyched myself out too much 5 days before the date lololol

[giraffegirl]

yeah dont freak yourself out to much before, its not til Friday lol

 

He sounds like a VERY nice distraction!!

[dramallama]

I'm going to disagree that you should be dating at this moment. I think dating someone else will just stop you from sorting out your past relationship and feelings, as well as potentially give this new guy the impression that you are available. What would happen if he developed feelings for you?

 

I like your plan of action, though. Exercise and just going for a walk around the block is a great way to make yourself feel good both inside and out. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself during this time. Write in a journal. I'm not a big journal person, but it helped me during my break up.

[nsomnia912]

I agree with drama....not even a month into breakup and I've read your posts about it it messed with you.....while its great to get out and get the ego boost....what if things go well...fast....now he just became an emotional outlet. Or you just ignore all your feelings....you don't seem to be acting like its just a dinner with someone you know....it seems like a first date....

 

I tried to immediately start dating....Prolly for spite or revenge on my ex that moved on in less than two weeks into a full blown relationship.....things were going great until drinks came...then the sex happened. Then I would get waves of emotions! cry on the way hone from date.....or find myself depressed over dinner....I ceased dating....for at least another 3 months...

 

Give yourself proper time to grieve...

[Unwanted]

I'm going to disagree that you should be dating at this moment. I think dating someone else will just stop you from sorting out your past relationship and feelings, as well as potentially give this new guy the impression that you are available. What would happen if he developed feelings for you?

 

I like your plan of action, though. Exercise and just going for a walk around the block is a great way to make yourself feel good both inside and out. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself during this time. Write in a journal. I'm not a big journal person, but it helped me during my break up.

 

Awww what a cute llama!

 

That is sound advice indeed. But I really just want to go out to a nice sushi restaurant and talk to someone in real life rather than over Skype. I'm going to be honest with him and tell him about what I'm going through at the moment, so at least my cards are laid in front of him.

 

I will be keeping this 'online journal' as it is faster and more convenient to vomit what I'm thinking, and it has helped me quite a lot actually.

[dramallama]

Ok, well, if you want to go out for the company, then go for it. It will be a long ride and probably not an easy one, but each day does get better. I was in a long distance relationship too so you can read my thread about changing your computer/social media to promote healing.

[Unwanted]

I agree with drama....not even a month into breakup and I've read your posts about it it messed with you.....while its great to get out and get the ego boost....what if things go well...fast....now he just became an emotional outlet. Or you just ignore all your feelings....you don't seem to be acting like its just a dinner with someone you know....it seems like a first date....

 

I tried to immediately start dating....Prolly for spite or revenge on my ex that moved on in less than two weeks into a full blown relationship.....things were going great until drinks came...then the sex happened. Then I would get waves of emotions! cry on the way hone from date.....or find myself depressed over dinner....I ceased dating....for at least another 3 months...

 

Give yourself proper time to grieve...

 

I just feel like I'm progressing on that's all. I hate grieving, I've done so in the past couple of weeks, and I hate what it did to me. I lost focus during my exams, I didn't want to go to work, didn't want to go out, didn't want to talk to anyone. And now I've just accepted it. I can't grieve any longer. Being sad, feeling sorry for myself, and being angry takes so much energy. I want to use that energy to help myself. It's taking away the focus from what's important in my life.

 

No I won't be having sex with him lol It's just a sushi dinner after work

[Unwanted]

Ok, well, if you want to go out for the company, then go for it. It will be a long ride and probably not an easy one, but each day does get better. I was in a long distance relationship too so you can read my thread about changing your computer/social media to promote healing.

 

You have some amazing tips DL!

[giraffegirl]

I wouldnt tell American Teeth too much about Pom Bozo. In fact I'd keep that pretty brief. Once you start verbal diarrhea theres no telling where it might stop

 

 

Awww what a cute llama!

 

That is sound advice indeed. But I really just want to go out to a nice sushi restaurant and talk to someone in real life rather than over Skype. I'm going to be honest with him and tell him about what I'm going through at the moment, so at least my cards are laid in front of him.

 

I will be keeping this 'online journal' as it is faster and more convenient to vomit what I'm thinking, and it has helped me quite a lot actually.

[Unwanted]

I wouldnt tell American Teeth too much about Pom Bozo. In fact I'd keep that pretty brief. Once you start verbal diarrhea theres no telling where it might stop

 

LOL I love your nicknames for them.

 

Oh definitely will control myself. I'm just gunna enjoy the good (hopefully) company of a man over some nice sushi. Ehh I can't stay out too long anyway, I work the weekends