I miss being married

[Jetta]

Everyone my age is married now and well I wish I were one of them. I recall when I was married how glad I was not to be single, but those thoughts all went out the window when things got too hard to handle. I just wish we could have worked through it but honestly I just didn't have the tools I needed back then to make it through. Now I'm getting old, put on weight, and may end up being single for the rest of my life. I hate being single. I'm a couple type of person.

 

Lord I need help. I need a job, a career really, and of course would love a man. As soon as men find out I've been married twice they high tail it outta of my life. Sucks to be me, seriously.

[professorplum]

Interesting. Why is it that men run for the hills when they know you have been married twice? The man in this past equation is just as much to blame surely? You have got me thinking as I have been pursuing a woman who has been married three times. It did not occur to me that might be a deal breaker.

 

I guess the answer is somehow try and enjoy being single and make it work for you. There will be plenty of married people who will envy the fact that you are single.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Well, most of women your age might be married but that doesn't mean they are all happy and will stay married.

 

You can always get rid of the weight you put on, just have to be determined. As far as job, so many people are having the same problem, just have to put yourself out there and do what you can and be hopeful.

[AutumnBorn]

The problem isn't your weight or how many times you've been married or what you do (or don't do) for a living. It's your attitude, girl.

 

A friend of mine was married Friday night to the love of her life. Her second marriage, his third. She's 54 years old, is a size 18, and while she has a Master's, she hasn't worked in over a year and has no money. If she can get her happily ever after, you can. Her man (a tall, thin man with a Master's from Stanford) adores her.

 

I think you should start using the Law of Attraction. Since I've been using it things are definitely improving.

[pietro5266]

I never wanted to lose my marriage either. I loved family life. I had no interest in chasing women after I was married. And, even now, after my divorce, what I really want most is to find a long-term relationship, not keep hopping from one relationship to another. It can be very unnerving to consider the possibility of never getting this again. Which is why it's a bad idea to do this; hope springs eternal.

 

You answered your own question, for the most part. In order to find a man, especially the type of man you really want, you have to become someone such a guy would want. You simply have to make the choice to do the things that you indicated need to be done -- getting work, getting in shape, etc. However, if you are depressed, this is not so easy. If you are having trouble motivating yourself to do these things, or you are kicking yourself for not making things happen, you should probably consider seeing a therapist. Motivation is a HUGE problem for me, and it's a struggle for me to get anything going, especially right now, after a sad breakup. But I'm fighting like hell to try to make things happen, even if it's only a little bit at a time, right now. And I am seeing a therapist

 

As far as the twice divorced issue, there are plenty of guys who are twice and thrice divorced. I know that, if I made a connection with a twice-divorced woman, that wouldn't scare me off at all. And, as far as being "old", 37 is not old by any stretch. I'm 45 and don't consider myself old in the least.

 

The most important issue, though, is that you think it "sucks to be you". The only way this will change is if you take action, even if the only action you feel up to taking is getting with a therapist. Negative thoughts like this are a mind-killer and will create a self-fulfilling prophecy if you don't work to eliminate them.