Bluesman89 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 I'm living at home with my parents and siblings. Since last year my parents have been taking in students every year due to financial issues. So literally just today, three american girls have come to stay with us. One of these girls was here last year too.. whom I was attracted to. However I knew just from lack of signals while she was here last year that the feelings were not shared. Not that I thought they would be anyway, as this girl quite literally looks like a model. I get this 'houlier than thou' vibe from her and it's miserable. So needless to say I was glad to see her go last year, because her mere presence was making me feel like * * * * . Anyway now said girl is back, and I'm back to being sexually frustrated again for a month. So I have rambled on a bit there, and I haven't even got to the topic.. Anyway this thread is not about the above girl, as I already know she is unobtainable. Out of the three girls, there is another one who I find quite attractive. She seems quite shy and possibly introverted, as I am, and had few words to say but I suspected that she was glancing at me a lot (I was directly accross from her at the table). Mostly when I caught her eye contact, she would instantly break it. Now as a shy person myself I do the same thing, so was of course unable to attempt to hold eye contact. She didn't have a blank expression either (she was quite smiley). I can only come up with two logical reasons for her looking at me so frequently. One is that she thinks I look odd and couldn't help but gawk, and the other is that she finds me attractive. Also bear in mind that my only contact with the girls so far was over dinner. That's it as of now (they only arrived late today). So it's not much to go on.. but I'd like your opinions.
Mustachio Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Umm, hard to tell. But if you are interested go and talk to her and see if maybe there is more there.
xyzzzz Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 way too soon to tell anything. if you like her just be friendly and helpful at first.show her around the city and such
bulletproof Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 This is a great opportunity to become more comfortable with women. You're in your own home, which is a familiar environment, and that should lessen anxiety. So try to strike up a friendship with her. Offer to show her around, as another poster suggested. Help her out. It's got to be pretty overwhelming for her to be in another country with a new family.
Bluesman89 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 This is a great opportunity to become more comfortable with women. You're in your own home, which is a familiar environment, and that should lessen anxiety. So try to strike up a friendship with her. Offer to show her around, as another poster suggested. Help her out. It's got to be pretty overwhelming for her to be in another country with a new family. I suppose it is, but I am an extremely socially awkward person and it's quite a struggle for me to deal with this. I am so crippled by my social issues and insecurities that I rarely go out.. Last year I kept to myself for the most part and didn't go out with anywhere with any of the students at all. I think the girls this year (bar the one that already knows me) are going to pick up on my social awkwardness and lack of a life eventually and I think that'll probably be game over anyway..
TakingtheBlame Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I dunno, man, I've traveled in foreign countries alone and I'm always thrilled to meet people who know the area and show me around. What you consider "lack of life" is probably pretty interesting for these American girls. I remember when I studied in China for a month and just going to the shopping center or local bar with native Chinese students was amazing and fascinating for me...I wasn't thinking "Wow, these Chinese students are losers, all they do is sit around at the local bar." For me it was something completely different than I was used to! So don't be so quick to count yourself out as socially awkward or lacking a life...generally, the type of girl who wants to study in a foreign country is looking to have an experience different from what she's used to, and if you can help her with that and show her around, I think that she would absolutely appreciate it..AND appreciate you. I know I would!
Bluesman89 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 OMG guys I would never have expected this! She stopped me in the hall there a second a go and properly introduced herself to me. Then almost right way she asked me if I wouldn't mind if she tagged along with me to my next gig! I said yes of course, but explained to her that I may not have a gig for a while so I could show her some footage of past gigs as a 'substitute'. And she said she love that. What do you think guys?? Is she interested!? I hope I didn't blow it with my poor conversation skills..
TakingtheBlame Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 OMG guys I would never have expected this! She stopped me in the hall there a second a go and properly introduced herself to me. Then almost right way she asked me if I wouldn't mind if she tagged along with me to my next gig! I said yes of course, but explained to her that I may not have a gig for a while so I could show her some footage of past gigs as a 'substitute'. And she said she love that. What do you think guys?? Is she interested!? I hope I didn't blow it with my poor conversation skills.. I think she is interested in getting to know you, and I think you need to give yourself a little more credit! If I were visiting Ireland and living in a house with a young Irish musician I'd be stoked to get to know him. Just don't think about it too hard! Let her tag along to your gig and do your thing on stage, and go with the flow!
superfox Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 OMG guys I would never have expected this! She stopped me in the hall there a second a go and properly introduced herself to me. Then almost right way she asked me if I wouldn't mind if she tagged along with me to my next gig! I said yes of course, but explained to her that I may not have a gig for a while so I could show her some footage of past gigs as a 'substitute'. And she said she love that. What do you think guys?? Is she interested!? I hope I didn't blow it with my poor conversation skills.. Please please pleasepleasepleaseplease!!! STOP apologising to her She's interested. End of!
Bluesman89 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 I think she is interested in getting to know you, and I think you need to give yourself a little more credit! If I were visiting Ireland and living in a house with a young Irish musician I'd be stoked to get to know him. Just don't think about it too hard! Let her tag along to your gig and do your thing on stage, and go with the flow! I can't help but analyze it though. I tend to worry a lot (its my nature to). I'm now worryig about some of the stupid things I said during our convo in the hall. When she asked about what styles of music I'm into I mentioned that it was me who was playing just then (I had been practising in my room just prior to encountering her in the hall). I felt really silly saying that. Would that have come accross as arrogent/boasting??
Bluesman89 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 superfox thanks for your input! How do I proceed though?! Should I ask her later if she wants to watch the footage I said I could show her?
superfox Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 superfox thanks for your input! How do I proceed though?! Should I ask her later if she wants to watch the footage I said I could show her? bag of Doritos, couple of cans and ask if she'd like to see the footage Honestly kitten, calm down! She's defintely interested!
BlueMilk Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Oh she is definitely interested, in at least getting to know you. Don't over analyze your actions. I know its easier said than done, but considering she is a shy girl she is probably analyzing over her /own/ actions to be worried about yours. I don't think you were too arrogant/egotistical in mentioning that - its an opener to more conversations and (like what just happened) invitation for future interaction. Don't push your recordings on her either that may appear like you're trying too hard; offer it one more time (with a specific time/set/place) but then drop it unless she brings it up. Do you have a club/bar you frequent that plays your preferred music by any chance? Or a place you tend to play your gigs in? Those would be a great way of getting alone time with her, showing her your passion (music that you like), and helping her explore Ireland. Or hell, even going to your local record/music shop for errands, just ask her if she'd like to tag along - if she says yes chances are she is into you.
JonasWaingaro Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Any other bands you like playing gigs near-by? Could always ask she'd like to see one of them. I'm sure she wants to get out and about and check out the town/city. Otherwise stay cool and don't get caught up thinking too much. She's interested in getting to know you on some level, so go with the flow and relax. See where it goes. And yes, ask her if she'd like to see the band footage.
Bluesman89 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Okay so I didn't talk to her much at dinner. I felt uncomfortable being around all the other girls too.. I hope I didn't give the impression that I'm not interested.. I don't know how I'm going to ask her to watch the footage now.. she's gone up to her room.
superfox Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Okay so I didn't talk to her much at dinner. I felt uncomfortable being around all the other girls too.. I hope I didn't give the impression that I'm not interested.. I don't know how I'm going to ask her to watch the footage now.. she's gone up to her room. Knock on her door and ask her! it's not a date, just a shared interest, if she says no then think of jet lag rather than a rejection Faint heart never won fair lady. and btw, your new profile picture looks great and you seriously have nothing to worry about!
Bluesman89 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Knock on her door and ask her! it's not a date, just a shared interest, if she says no then think of jet lag rather than a rejection Faint heart never won fair lady. and btw, your new profile picture looks great and you seriously have nothing to worry about! Oh man I don't think I can do that! She and another one of the girls are in the same room. I might have to just wait and hope I run into her. And thanks for the compliment Also the footage is on my laptop which is in my room. Should I avoid asking her to come into my room to watch it??
StrawberryYogurt Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 She and another one of the girls are in the same room. Dear Penthouse..... She interested, just chat her up, playfully flirt with and tease her a bit. Good luck!
Bluesman89 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Dear Penthouse..... She interested, just chat her up, playfully flirt with and tease her a bit. Good luck! Lol! Easier said than done! I'm feeling pretty crap right now.. Can't help but feel I've already blown it due to my awkwardness. I just went to talk to my sister there (about something unrelated) and ended up going the girl's room by accident (thought my sister was in that room). So I was like 'uh have you seen my sister?.... oh she must be in the other room then'..
Bluesman89 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Suuuuuure, by 'accident'. Haha! It was most definitely by accident though. And because I was taken by surprise I must have come accross as very 'to the point'. I didn't smile at her either, I was too in shock. I simply asked where my sister was and that was that.. Do you think I came accross as creepy and awkward from what I said?
Lamour detruit Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Do I look this ?..Do you think that ?..was this akward ?..was that awkward ? No, you're fine..we are our own worst critics. No one notices the little things about yourself that you do. Over analyzing will do nothing for you but peenblock yourself (can I even say that on here?). Relax..calm down..take a breath. When she is by herself, ask her to go somewhere with you. She wouldn't have asked you to go to your gig if she was not interested.
Bluesman89 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Lamour, thanks. I think I need a slap once and a while because I acknowledge that I do over analyze to the extremes. I've come to expect constant mistakes from myself and I don't know why.. Anyway so I will do what you suggested and ask her to go somewhere. It's too late to do that now as it is night time here so I'm planning on trying to catch her in the morning around breakfast time. I might suggest if she'd like me to show her around the town after she gets back from college. Or maybe suggest if she wants to try a proper Irish Guiness. Is that a good plan?
BlueMilk Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 That sounds like a fantastic plan! You should go for it! And I have been in your shoes with over-analyzing, I still do it whenever I'm in an uncomfortable situation (sort of my security blanket if you will.) Best way through it is to ignore it, even when you're alone try to forget about what happened and focus on something else, anything else. Soon it'll become easier to ignore and the voice would get quieter... You'd still have your moments but distraction /does/ help. And just remember that humor is the best remedy for /any/ social awkwardness. When in doubt, laugh it off and tell it to her straight: "Whoa, did my voice just crack? Hahaha, guess you bring out the 12 year old in me." Or: "Whoa, okay, that just sounded rather arrogant of me...!" Etc etc etc. ETA: Although don't be /too/ self-deprecating! Just do it when it is a diiire situation.
Bluesman89 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 I am glad to hear I am not alone in that then And thanks for the tips. Which one of my plans do you think is the best one to go with though? Asking her if she'd like to try her first Guiness with me?
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