Who Should Make Contact First?

[pietro5266]

I know that a big theme throughout this forum is NC with an ex. And I believe that, for the dumpee, this is probably the best thing.

 

However, my ex expressed a strong desire to remain friends, but we both agreed on an undefined period of little/no contact. I sent one email to her, and received a response, and we've not contacted each other since.

 

My question is, who should be the one to re-initiate contact if there was a true desire to remain friends?

 

I know that, in a case where I was the dumper, I let my ex know that I would be there for her if she ever needed to talk. Obviously, she elected to go NC for quite a while, but, even still, I sent a few emails to her just to let her know that she was still in my thoughts and that I wanted to regain contact with her when she was ready, and even though I was seeing someone else eventually (my current ex). I know that, for me, part of the pain of the breakup is feeling like you've been completely erased from your ex's thoughts.

 

So, is it reasonable to expect the dumper to be the first one to make contact, in order to demonstrate genuine interest in remaining friends? Because for the dumpee to do it just makes them look weak and needy again.

 

Hope I'm being clear.

[fire2therain]

I understand your question, but I honestly think it depends. Sometimes the dumper will wait for the dumpee to make contact (if the dumper has kept NC and is waiting for the dumpee to be "healed" and speak again), but other times the dumpee waits for the dumper to make contact as they think back to when their dumper said "I still really want to be friends".

 

So I think it depends on the situation. You did what I think a lot of people do: you open the door for your ex to contact you when she is ready, all you had to do was wait for her to walk through it.

 

Again I think it depends, but I think a lot of people expect the dumper to contact their ex- a lot of people including myself..typically. There has been other times where I have contacted an ex (the dumper) because he knew not to contact me unless I initiated it as I would not be ready yet.

[Melting]

I think the dumper should make first contact, they were the one that left in the first place.

 

Although, I only think a dumper should make contact if they are absolutely positive their ex has no more feelings for them or the dumper is willing to reconcile.