21 and Drinking

[outtaluck90]

Ok, i just turned 21 and yesterday I went to a couple of bars. the last bar we went to had dancing. From my past previous post, im a super shy guy that would never dance or ask a girl to dance. My friend how ever was different. I ended up being his "wing man" and for the first time i danced with girl. granit she wasnt the hottest but still a big step for me. after dancing with the girls they took off and I wanted to ask a couple of women out. I think it was a total of 4 women i asked, but each one had an excuse from Im married (and she shows me her ring) to not right now. Regardless of those women shooting me down i was sorta proud of myself for having the balls to ask. It was very easy to do but the only thing that allowed me to do that was the consumption of ALCOHOL!!! I drank about 5 beers just to have the mentality of "i dont care what she says but im asking her anyways". I dont want to have to drink just to have some "temporary confidence". What you guys (or girls) think?

[Firiel]

I think it's very mature of you to realize that alcohol will only give you temporary confidence. I recommend you use your fun 21 experience as a starting point. Hey, you already danced with a girl and asked four girls out! They said no, and you moved on... no big deal! So use this memory as confidence instead of the alcohol. Alcohol doesn't change who you are... it just lowers your inhibitions. So lower your own inhibitions about asking girls out by realizing that in the end, it really doesn't matter if they say no!

[RedDress]

Ah, yes. Liquid courage. LOL!

 

I think the things to take from this are:

 

1) Like Firiel said, you can do it! Of course... you don't have to ask out 4 girls every day. But see how you didn't die? Wasn't that fun? It wasn't the alcohol that did that. That was YOU that did that! WooHoo!

 

2) See how much fun dancing can be? It's incredible the kind of fun you can have when you don't care what people think.

 

3) So... this is an aside... but instead of asking women out (which may be a bit much) - start slow. How about asking their number? You may have a better success rate... but... you know what? You asked. Which is very cool.

 

Just make sure you make the right associations. It wasn't the alcohol that did all that. It was YOU that did all that. All you had to do was relax a little.

 

Good for you!

[outtaluck90]

Well i didnt extacly ask them out, i just asked them if they wanted to dance....but it was fun dancing.

[jengh]

I'm a super shy girl and nothing opens me up more than a few beers. I understand where you're coming from. It definitely helps but come the actual date when you're sober.... eek. Panic attack mode haha.

[Stand Strong]

Nothing wrong with it in my opinion.

 

Look at it as training wheels. Just don't get used to relying on alcohol to give you courage. Women are women. No need to feel shy. Next time you feel shy just remember that for every girl that says no, there is another potential billion that will say yes. Never sweat rejection. It's no big deal.

 

Also, that feeling you feel is just ENERGY. It can either be NERVOUS energy from the fear of doing something new OR the rush of EXCITEMENT from doing something new. Fight or flight.

[CGE]

Although you had asked four different girls to dance with you that night (no small feat) think about how you asked them and the way you asked them. Maybe you were doing something that turned them off and you need to improve that.

[outtaluck90]

ok well, the next time i ask a girl to dance, lets say she says yes....what do i do to ask for her number, i mean isnt that akward. your not having a conversation with her and the only thing u are doing is dancing. while dancing you arent talking.

[CGE]

Yea I agree with you. The best thing for you to do is talk to girls at the bar or while they're hanging out on the dance floor BEFORE dancing with them. Asking them to dance with you after talking with them shows there's some trust there and hopefully once your done dancing you can talk to her some more or if ask her for her number (if you have to leave).

[outtaluck90]

thats a good idea, but im not sure if that would be something ill do. I sorta of tried that...I was waiting at the bar to get a drink, music and everything going on in the background and a micheal jackson songs came on....there was a girl sitting next to me where i was standing and i just said "this is a good song huh?" she looked at me in a "im too good for you" and said "yeah..." i dunno, but it seems like i just have to keep at it?

[CGE]

Just takes practice man. Soon you'll pick up on girls actions that indicate they do want to talk to you and seem interested in what you have to say. Also don't try to seem too desperate (girls can pick up on that). Good luck out there!

[yikeshelpme]

"i dont care what she says but im asking her anyways". I dont want to have to drink just to have some "temporary confidence". What you guys (or girls) think?

 

 

 

good your growing some balls, even if it is with the help of a little liquid courage.

[MizzGee]

Nothing wrong with using a little liquid blanket to boost your confidence My confidence went way up this past year.. I used to be extremely shy.. never initiating conversations, always stuttered around cute guys... Then I started talking to more people, and realized, 'Hey! this guy actually thinks I'm cute! Nice!' Now I feel brave enough to start my own conversations and meet strangers in class. The strength to get out of your shell has always been in you, some of us just need a little push in the right direction to break out of our comfort zones Just as long as you don't use alcohol as a crutch! Its so awkward when you meet a really cool person at a party, only to hang out later and realize they are socially inept...

[Leo78]

Nothing wrong with one or two drinks, just make sure you know your limits. Personally I think the Americans should lower the legal drinking to 18, anyone old enough to serve their country in a war should be old enough to handle a drink.

[DoGGYtREAts]

Good for you, Just my one word of caution;

 

Like some others have said Take these experiences as confidence, dont RELY on alchohol. that will set up a pattern that will come back to get ya sooner or later.

 

Also remember, espicially when you first start drinking and arent to familiar with your tolerance levels, You can very quickly cross over from "I feel good" to "wacky world" and confidence can become Stupid land REAL FAST.