Is he lacking self confidence and can I address it?

[oneroad]

Hi All,

Im after some advice please. I've been split from my ex for 5 weeks now, things had been going really well between us until he suddenly almost got scared and didnt know what he wanted. We broke up on really good terms, he still wasnt sure what he wanted when we broke up so it was the right decision at the time.

 

Now we have been talking to each other throughout the time split up and we also work in the same company (although our paths dont really cross). Ive always thought he comes accross like he lacks confidence at times and puts himself down, heres a few examples of the type of thing:

 

- When i used to say he looked nice with his top off etc... he used to say i was mad and there was no way he did

- we were talking this week and he said he was fat... believe me hes far from fat but he told me my memory was decieving me!

- Finally, we were joking around about people in work and he made a comment that i fancied one of the guys and said I had re-rasied my standards after dropping them a few months ago! Does he think hes not good enough for me?

 

All of this to me points to him lacking in confidence. I am actually meeting up with him next week for dinner, this will be the first time since we have split up.

 

If he starts putting himself down how do i react to this, should i re-assure him? I keep thinking this may have something to do with us breaking up.

 

Any advice would be great, thanks x

[catfeeder]

Not the best idea to hang around to play therapist with someone who has dumped you. Offering encouragement doesn't help because he's already demo'd how much he values your opinion.

 

People with low confidence, low self esteem often suffer the 'Groucho Marx' complex, "I wouldn't want to belong any club that would accept me as a member." Hanging around to confirm that you accept him won't place you in his highest regard. He'll use you for a boost now and then, but that positions you to get walked over once he's found the nerve to go live the life he really wants to.

 

Why not just offer him the option to ring you in the future if he ever has a change of heart about the relationship, and if you're still available then you'll met to catch up? Otherwise, you may want to read more around here on the outcomes of people who try to play friendzies with an ex--it doesn't often end well. And, everyone who gets burned by doing that admits to having believed that they would be THE exception.

 

Head high.

[MMMBrains]

I'd tell him hes gotta sort his head out, its seems he has alot of personal issues that may prevent him from giving u the relationship u want. if he puts himself down theres no way u can help him he has to help himself and look at ways to improve his own confidence. just say i cant help u with that. maybe that will help things if ur endlessly reassuring him he might just like that attention. as above being friends with an ex isnt a good idea its good to keep a bit of distance.