Whats the point of keeping things?

[Oasiswater]

Hey guys,

So last year when my relationship ended for the first time, I put all of her clothes and belongings into trash bags and stored it away. I didn't want to part with them. She came back to me two months later, and I was so happy that I never got rid of anything. She visited me and I was able to give her a lot of her old things, and we had a lot of fun with the stuff that I kept around from our relationship.

 

So that reconciliation ended a year later when she dumped me again for her own selfish reasons. But here's the problem. Deep down inside me I keep telling myself she's going to come back, and that I should hold onto everything again. The thing is, I don't actually WANT this girl in my life. Yes, I love her still, and I miss her. I have an awful habit of thinking about the good old times, but I know the pain she's caused me over and over again, and I'm not ready to subject myself to that one more time. I was slightly delusional and caught up in this whole thing... being more in love with someone who never loved me as much.

 

I have taken all of the old things down. All of her stuff is back into trash bags, but the bags are just laying out because I dont know what to do with them. Should I trash everything, including our memory box? It has things like receipts, restaurant cards, birthday cards, little trinkets, rocks from the beach, blah blah blah. I know I should hold onto it until I'm "over it," but it's literally been sitting in the same spot in my closet since 2009. I just feel like it's hampering my healing.

 

...but maybe trashing it all will put that final nail in the coffin, and close away the thought of her ever coming back? What do you guys think?

[loveisintheair]

Since 2009? Why don´t you send them to her or her parents if these are things she might need, but if its just random stuff that holds value only to you then get rid of it. I always feel better after discarding old stuff, always.

 

Happy trashing

[catfeeder]

The 'stuff' is taking up valuable real estate in your space and your mind and it's blocking you from moving forward. If the 'stuff' was meaningful to HER, she wouldn't have left it behind. So question whether the 'stuff' really holds any more value for you, and if not, donate what's usable and chuck the rest. Or just do the most liberating thing--chuck it altogether.

[Oasiswater]

It's really all nothing of any value. It's just like cards, a ton of receipts of things we did together, things we exchanged, etc. We made the box together and it grew as our relationship developed, that's why it's been there since 2009.

The relationship ended this week, so it's still pretty fresh. I'm just wondering if it'll do more harm than good to get rid of it. I just can't seem to shake this sick thought that she's going to come back.

[LP90]

I completely agree, get rid of it all. First off you already made the deciscion not to be with her any more. You HAVE to be strong and not let her back in, because you already know its not going anywhere. She dumped you twice before, why wouldnt she again? Even IF for some reason you do decide to get back together, its better not to have things that remind you of the past and the breakups. You can always make new memories together. In the mean time, all those things are just keeping you from moving on. If you still arent ready to toss it, maybe have a friend or family member hold it, so you know its around but at least nowhere where you can go and look at it all. Losing the person you love hurts more than anything, but moving on to better things is more important, you wont regret it later.

[Bungle UK]

I'm going against the wind here!

 

I would keep them, but just put them somewhere out of sight... Out of mind.

 

I still live with my parents... And everytime I found a note, card etc, anything that reminded me of her, I just left it on my mums bed! And told her to put it in safe place and never to let me have it for a number of yrs.

 

In fact that applies to everything... Emails, texts etc I got rid of straight away. Photos, I backed up on my harddrive with a password only my brother knows.

 

I think memories are important and precious and should never be just discarded!!

 

I like to think she was an integral part of my life, and that I could look back at everything in 20 years time and laugh and smile, without any real effect to me. If not, well... There still there.

 

Each to their own.

[Allium]

I'm having the exact same situation as you. Second breakup this time; and also this time for her little stupid reasons. The first time we broke up, I was in total anger (How could this s**** happen to me? Unacceptable!) and I had a super strong determination to heal. So I went to the gym, got myself some books about healing, getting over breakups, etc. Worked like a charm; two weeks down the road, she's begging for me again. So we reconciled and it lasted for about 1 year and a half.

 

Long story short, she gave me a few things of value as gifts. Last time I put everything in a bag, and stored it out of sight. This time, even though I can't bring myself to do it yet, the plan goes as follows:

 

I'm gonna sell it all, and I won't spend the money on anything I can keep (not a lot of money anyway). I'll spend this money exclusively on food and beverages. It goes in, I process it, then it... goes out. Strong symbolism, to me.