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One day at a time...


He2Him

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This may come off as a bit unusual request, but I'll give it a try.

 

I would like to hear advices on how to make people realize that there's more to life than what they know.

 

The thing is, I know a lot of people are stuck in their needless dramas, breakups, relationship/work/family issues, depressions, feeling down/hopeless/useless. They worry and bother about all that stuff, and of course it requires some attention, but they're missing the other, even more important thing. Themselves and living in the moment and for the moment.

 

Since I had a near-death experience and lets say I'm conditioned (health wise) for the rest of my life, it's easy for me to SEE PAST the not so important stuff like I described above (yes, it's actually not that important). The outcome of my experience is such that I do not hold back anymore, and live one day at a time, not worrying about what might kill me. The realization definitely brought a lot of happiness into my life and I enjoy life much more. I no longer dread monday morning when I go to work, I don't get caught in dramas, or let them define the course of my life. Sometimes I might seem a little bit arrogant and careless, but it's usually to those who care and worry about unimportant stuff in life.

 

What I would like to do in the future, is to help others see benefits of looking past the troubles of every day and helping them bring about the happiest period of their lives. Basically translate my experience in such way, they understand it without having to experience what I went through myself. Life kicked my ass and I'm grateful for that, now I'd like to see those around me worry-free.

 

Any tips on how to do this?

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I 100% agree with you. I have been a huge believer in this "live in the moment" stuff and its helping me get through a break-up, stress at work, etc. I haven't even sat around crying for one day. And at work I had a huge project that was due last week, and I surprised myself by not stressing over it and just starting early and getting little chunks done at a time, while sipping on wine of course, and it got done without one little bit of stress!

 

I totally see the benefit of living in this mindset, but also, I know it takes a lot of will-power, and learning from experiences to get to. I mean I wish I could have done this when I was 20! And for some people that suffer from depression and anxiety, its extremely difficult to just "not worry" about anything. It will take their own inner strength and their own experiences to overcome that. I mean, you could offer advice to people and share your story with them (here is a great place to start) but when I was 20 i had people all over my life telling me not to worry, I was young, I should be happy, and yet it took ME going through some rough times to get to the place where I am at now.

 

It's like overcoming FEAR. Thats why people worry and get all anxious and stuff, is because they have fear. Well, me I'm scared to death of heights. Well, I'm sure if I forced myself to go skydiving a few times, maybe repel off of a tall building, etc, I would overcome that fear. But no-one can tell me "don't be scared" when I'm looking over the top of a high bridge and expect my fear to just go away. You know?

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Since I had a near-death experience and lets say I'm conditioned (health wise) for the rest of my life, it's easy for me to SEE PAST the not so important stuff like I described above (yes, it's actually not that important).

 

While I see what you are saying, I think that labeling other people's dramas as unimportant is not the way to go. What you've experienced has allowed for a major shift in your thinking. But the people around you have not had that experience.

 

I think a better route is to listen to people when they confide in you, acknowledge and validate their right to feel that way, and then use your newfound mindfulness of the moment to give them alternative solutions. When I was going through a hard time in my life, one of my favorite people to talk to was a friend who saw the world the same way you do- but it was because she listened and offered ideas that I hadn't thought of due to my depressive tunnel vision. While some other friends were saying, "There there, it will be okay", she was suggesting that I travel, go to graduate school, do things I never did before. You can make your friends see that there is a whole world out there and that every minute counts, but make sure that you do it with some amount of understanding.

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See thats the thing..life had to kick you in the butt to make you greatful for everyday and see the world in a totally different way.

 

If it hadn't happened to you, you'd probably still be trucking along, hating Mondays and getting caught up in pointless drama.

 

And to try and tell someone that there is more out there, and more to life, when they can't even relate to a near death experience, it's going to be hard. Because to them, the stuff they are stressing about is REAL to them is IMPORTANT to them...they can't shift their mindsets unless it happens to them.

 

Having gone through so many family deaths in such a short period of time. I see the world differently. I don't sweat the small stuff, I seize everyday and live my life to the fullest. I may certainly die from cancer at a young age like all my family members, so I feel like I need to live my life, and let go of all the 'crap' that would normally bring me down.

 

But odds are, if I hadn't been through what I have..I'd probably be caught up and sweating the small stuff. My family is changed, we see the world differently..and we share that with each other. Trying to go out and tell people differently when they can't relate is hard.

 

I often find people not coming to me with their 'issues' because they think mine are so much larger, and they know that I have been through enough that I can't relate to their issues. So they still think their issues and drama are important, but they won't matter to me.

 

Just because you are beyond those things, doesn't mean it isn't important to other people.

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Just as you needed to go through your own process to see what you see, part of that sight is best extended to include respect for whatever form any such process must take for others--and for how long that takes. It may not happen according to your calendar, but you can't discount the needs of each individual to learn what he or she learns through every experience, regardless of whether they enjoy it or suffer through it.

 

The love and good wishes you hold are best shared through patience. This includes respect for the things others hold as important to them as important to them.

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I see it differently and it is based on what I was told once by a friend who is also a life coach. She advised that to be a good listener you have to realize that if the person you are talking to has a headache then that headache is probably forefront in their mind at that point -not that they will necessarily go on about their headache - but that so-called unimportant stuff can be very important to other people and it can be, at times, arrogant to label that as "unimportant" or to give the impression that you view what is important to them as unimportant. That doesn't mean you need to have an entire conversation about a hangnail, an annoying mother in law, rude service at a coffee shop - but you have to change the topic respectfully and you have to accept that it's not the best idea to give unsolicited for advice or to tell someone something they already know. Certainly, saying "but it's just a headache, who cares?" isn't going to effect a change.

 

What I do sometimes is, if I sense the person is receptive -or of course if she asks me- is share some of the ways I ignore the small stuff. I share the little mantras I have come up with, a few books I have read -but I stop short of lecturing (far short) and I back off if I hear back excuses or explanations as to why the small stuff is big stuff. Obviously that person is not ready or, just as possible, I am misjudging whatever it is as "small stuff".

 

I too had a serious health scare a few years ago -that plus having a baby and getting married and changing my entire life motivated me to be far more like you, so that I wouldn't miss the many amazing moments.

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Just as you needed to go through your own process to see what you see, part of that sight is best extended to include respect for whatever form any such process must take for others--and for how long that takes. It may not happen according to your calendar, but you can't discount the needs of each individual to learn what he or she learns through every experience, regardless of whether they enjoy it or suffer through it.

 

The love and good wishes you hold are best shared through patience. This includes respect for the things others hold as important to them as important to them.

 

I agree, the message you have has to be imparted with respect for other people and where they are at in their life. If you don't so it with respect more than likely they will not listen to you and you're wasting your breath and making enemies in the process. Also too EVERYONE has something to impart that others can learn. There no one all knowing human.

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And to try and tell someone that there is more out there, and more to life, when they can't even relate to a near death experience, it's going to be hard. Because to them, the stuff they are stressing about is REAL to them is IMPORTANT to them...they can't shift their mindsets unless it happens to them.

 

^This. Plus, you only see what's going on from the outside. You don't really know what's going on through people's heads, and it is arrogant and patronizing to tell people that you know better than they do.

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Here's a quote i read every day:

 

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

A true and beautiful quote. Every time I read it I'm flooded with so much relief. So much hope, so much truth.

 

At the same time I really think it's impossible to just ask people to "fuggetaboutit youse!" when it comes to their problems and LIVE FOR THE MOMENT!...especially if it just happened....people need to vent, people need to grieve, people need time to learn from their problems...just don't dismiss them...once it turns to overt victim mentality, then you need to shake a person awake, cause then it's just about pity and attention.

 

Also, I don't understand what you mean by "the small stuff"? Life is about relationships, your relationship to yourself, your interactions with others...if it's not, then what is it? Yes, we shouldn't get battered and totally knocked down by our problems, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't contemplate them and bemoan them out loud? Am i wrong here? Eh, what am I talking about...

 

I'm sure I'd live a much more happy and positive existence if I could just LET GO...

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